We know that every young Jihadi John must feel such luck
With the cosmopolitan youth beside him in a pick-up truck
With their many miscellaneous motivations - it's quite weird
And it isn't just the men round here who get to grow a beard

Now Al joined up to do his part in an Islamic State
He wants to fight and kill and die for a new Caliphate
But conditions causing him to fret:
They don't have broadband internet?
It makes a fella proud to fight for ISIS

Now Omar is in Syria, he thinks he's really hard
It's a step up from when he was a Morrisons security guard
They'd never let him have displayed
A Kalashnikov and a hand grenade
It makes a fella proud to fight for ISIS

After Johnny left his new madrassa he
Was jihadi through and through when he was done.
The effects were as we dreaded:
For the next day he beheaded
A journalist, a doctor, and a nun.

@ISILCats as propaganda's really rather sweet
It's filling up the internet with kitty picture tweets
The cutest thing you've ever seen
We're calling it "Mew-jahideen"
It makes a fella proud to fight for ISIS

There's lots of Western youngsters making light of this ordeal:
They think they're coming here to play CoD Black Ops 2 for real
Except that when they're dead and gawn
Jannah's where they will respawn
It makes a fella proud to fight for ISIS

They don't make pizzas like they do at home, here in Iraq
And this savoury cessation has made many head right back
They think of all the marvellous ways
They're cooking pizza back at base
It makes a fella proud to fight for ISIS

A teenage convert here looks forward to
His post-mortem spiritual wealth
He so believes it's true:
That he'll get his seventy-two
Virgins, though he'll still be one himself

Our last recruit has committed the worst cardinal sin:
He wants to go back home (except they won't let him back in)
He thinks he'll be the star, it's true... of Homeland, season 2
It makes a fella proud to fight
In such a silly crowd to fight
What luck to be allowed to fight
For ISIS

Kaboom!