I can't bear that Strictly Come Dancing
I can't stand pseudo-Celebrities prancing
However, I hear
The show's new nadir
As they broadcast the Ann Widdecombe tango

All the grace of an asthmatic rhino
Why did she do the show? ****ed if I know
More than just "poor",
She waddles round the floor
I don't want to see Ann Widdecombe tango


She don't do "lewd"
Or anything that's rude
Thank f*** she don't do "nude" - yecch
Not "family" TV
It's not burlesque
It's more like kafkaesque
Is this immense grotesque
And clod-hopping ex-MP


Her salsa was described as somebody
Who is somewhere 'twixt horror and comedy
And I have to ask why..er
Did she drop on a wire
At the start of her dire, dreadful tango

She's the rear end
Of a pantomime horse, eww..
Will give a tour de force, eww..
With hippopotamine gait
And the stage will distend
At the tonnage of beef, eww..
With the floor underneath, eww..
Giving in to the weight



So, on the one side there's Strictly Come Dancing
While on ITV, strictly dumb c***s sing
With overstrained voice..
It's not much of a choice:
X-Factor or Ann Widdecombe tango

Should I complain
It doesn't entertain
I view it with disdain
In fact, I've had enough
Don't want to see
This hefferlump on heat
So, Darling, would you be
Kind and turn the telly off
/click/ Thank you.

Think I should make it my new life's mission
To end all "reality" transmission
But life goes too fast
And I just can't be arsed
So the plebs can all watch Ann
Widdecombe tango.

Olé