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Song Parodies -> "Wishes Of a Teen (Inane)"

Original Song Title:

"If I Only Had A Brain/A Heart/The Nerve"

Original Performer:

The Wizard of Oz

Parody Song Title:

"Wishes Of a Teen (Inane)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

"Your wish is my command - three wishes, to be exact," said the Wizard, in the unmistakable manner of a genie. Ignoring this slight oddity, Emi nodded and scratched her head. Suddenly, a three-way light bulb appeared above her head. "Excuse me, Mr. Wizard, but I think I know what I want..."
In this wor-ld full of glamour
My face just don't enamor
Prospective Dicks (or Janes)
I'd be hot like Christina
Endorse Coke and Neutrogena...
If I didn't look so plain.

My complexion would be healthy
I'd be well-known and wealthy
(Though bored, shallow, and vain)
At the cam-era's flashes
I could flutter my eyelashes
If I didn't look so plain!

Oh, whee for surgery!
They'd sit me in the chair
They would nip my nose and snip my lips with care
Then pop my zits - I'd look like Cher!

I would smile at my reflection
My face, unflawed perfection
Once I got through the pain
And my own plastic surgeon
Would be eager like a virgin
If I didn't look so plain!

Now that I can drive le-gally
Why must I flag a trolley
To get from here to thar?
'Stead of tourin' Francisco
I could drive to the disco...
If I only had a car.

I am always in the backseat
Of Dad's suburban taxi
(A temporary scar)
For if I got a Bentley
I could ditch Daddy, dent-free
If I only had a car

Picture me - a Ferrari!
The windows rolled down low
Turning up my radio...
Along the street...
Front seat!

I would ice it like Xzibit
Shiny rims to trim it
To look like quite the star
After small bits of primping
My ride would be truly pimping
If I only had a car!

I've hit puberty, and frankly,
I'm still quite thin and lanky
(Flat-chested is the word)
If I enhanced my physique, then I might know Victor'ya's Secret...
If I only had the curves.

I've grown only like a tree (up)
But if I filled a D-cup
The boys would come in herds!
I'd be junk-full like J. Lo
Wearing lace lingerie-o...

"Yes, you're beautiful" they'll say-o
If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve,
Then I'm sure to get LESS PLAIN!
...a CAR!
...some foam...for CURVES!
"They shall be granted to you," mumbled the Wizard, sticking three post-its to the side of his wall. "Although I'm not quite sure why you didn't ask to go home. Oh well...I'm sure the Munchkins will be pleased."

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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Rod Worden - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Watch your driving, Emi!
Meriadoc - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi this was great! :-)
John Jenkins - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good parody - the "bored, shallow and vain" line was perceptively humorous.
Arwen - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
FABulous, Emi...and you're anything but plain, honey! Think of your stunningly gorgeous aunt...(you know the one that looks just like me) runs in your family!! 5s!
Johnny D - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Only naughty thoughts are coming to mind for potentially witty commentary, so I shall restrain myself and offer you a proper, gentlemanly, "Very well done, EmiLoca, well-written and brilliantly funny!" And a trio of 5's for your trophy case.
Lee OJ - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah, you've done a wonderful job imagining what life might be like if you weren't such a cutie.
EmiLoca - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Gosh, folks...

Rod - You mean, like, on "America's Top Speed Limit Violaters"? It's on at 6.
Meriadoc - :-) to you, too.
John Jenkins - And I'm perceptively flattered that you stopped by!
Arwen - Only you can turn what looks like a humble compliment into obnoxious self-praise. I love you, Auntie 'Wen!
Johnny D - Keep restraining.
Lee OJ - If you weren't Leo Jay's evil, sarcastic twin, I would definitely fawn over that. I'll just settle for an awkward, blushing moment and a mumbled "thanks...".
The Thought Police - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
That was awesome and then some ! 5's all the way back to Kansas!
Blake A Ralphing (Puke Brattoni) - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Sorry, my twin's away on holiday so I will have to also ingratiate this funny-harhar work. *scowls*
Rick D - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I liked "I can drive Lee-Golly!"
??? - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
prospective dicks, eh?
Emile Leau-Coi - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
More!!! :-D

TTP - Thanks, you're a peach!
Blake - Thanks for filling in for his Ralphingness. I don't know about you, but I think I have a "thing" for the evil-twin type.
Rick - Goll-lee, thank you! *produce is thrown*
??? - You know, I didn't notice that until now. I was really just looking for a rhyme for "brain", and...great. Thanks for pointing that out. Really.
Phil Alexander - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
More plaudits... I love what the wiz says at the end, too. Extremely good, Emmy-Lou Car

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