On Top Of A Smokey
I found my friend, Earl
I said, "Earl, you're crazy!
Get up, that's no girl!"

Now, Earl is nearsighted
Got stopped by the fuzz
He'd just broken his glasses
Had a good moonshine buzz

State cop pulled him over
Mississippi Turnpike
He was weaving and swerving
On his new Schwinn bike

When Earl felt the handcuffs
He thought S & M
Started huggin' and kissin'
And it caused much mayhem

Earl scales at three-fifty
Cop's like Barney Fife
When old Earl's in the love mode
Better run for your life

I happened upon them
In my Yugo "Vert"
And decided that Smokey
Was about to get hurt

So, I got on his two-way
And called for back up
Clamped pliers on Earl's ear
He wimped like a pup

The back up arrived then,
Ten cars, twenty cops
They loosened my pliers
And said, "We'll take it, Pops!"

Well, it took all their twenty
And I helped out some
I promised to give Earl
My Bazooka gum

Cops tied and log chained him
Hauled him off to "Bilox"
He got out the next day
Fined two thousand bucks..

Fine was paid by that Smokey
The news story said
Moved to Massachusetts
Where gay guys can wed..