I would jog and I'd start rowing
Every day you'd see me going
To the park and to the gym.
I'd go drinking in the pub and
Every evening I'd go clubbing
If I only had some limbs.

I would learn to play the trumpet
Cos just sitting on my stumps, it
Tends to make my life quite grim.
I'm content but I'd be more so
If I wasn't just a torso
If I only had some limbs.

Oh I just sit and cry - a quadruple amputee.
All I do all day is sit and watch TV
But that's the life
Of quadra-pleee...

...gics. I'd play cards and I'd play scrabble
Not just spend my time imagining
A life where I had shins
Cos it's really not that great
When you're only three foot eight
If I only had some limbs.