And it’s no nay never - (4 claps)
No nay never no more, (2 claps)
Will I drive a Land Rover, (clap)
No never no more. (2 claps)

I’ve had a Land Rover for many a year -
It’s helped me shift boxes of stuff from Ikea,
But now I’m returning it back to the factory
’Cos its CO two output is unsatisfactory.

It came off their line in twenty-sixteen
And I thought fuel consumption remarkably lean.
The stated emissions seemed fair for its size,
But it seems their description was one pack of lies.

So forty-four thousand Land Rovers and Jags
Must all be returned to resolve a few snags,
For their gross pollution is worse than we fear
Regardless of speed or selection of gear.

The Volkswagen scandal revealed such a racket
Untrustworthy data did cost them a packet.
Well I’ve relied on Land Rovers for many a year
But now their emissions seem worse than diarrhoea.

And it’s no nay Tata - (4 claps)
No nay never no more, (2 claps)
Will I drive a Land Rover, (clap)
No never no more. (2 claps)

I’ll get something smaller and safer to boot
And make shorter journeys by bus or on foot.
I’ll shun those Land Rovers and other large diesels
Whose technical details were drafted by weasels.