[I'm George W. Bush, and I approved this song...]

I could kill a couple minutes
Just talkin' to lieutenants
About Saddam Hussein
I could grasp what they were sayin'
And the dangerous game we're playin'
If I only had a brain


With my thoughts unconstipated
I'd be intellectual-lated,
And thinkin' without pain
Each executive decision
Would be based on more than wishin'
If I only had a brain


Oh, I could tell you why
Tax breaks just help the rich,
And how the war in Iraq was really "bait and switch"
Until I hit ... a little glitch


The dollar would have higher status,
The whole world wouldn't hate us
For being inhumane
I would calm the troubled waters
And my alcoholic daughters
If I only had a brain



I wouldn't screw up the environment
Or the money for retirement,
Like the liberals complain
I'd impress all my poo-poo'ers
Shock and awe the evildoers
If I had only had a brain


I'd pronoun-ci-cate much better
Honor liberties to the letter
With the folks that we detain
And when the world called me a "baddie"
I wouldn't run off to my daddy
If I only had a brain


Picture me on live TeeVee
Reporters buzz like bees
Askin' me about them WMD's
I hold my ground ... "they'll soon be found"


Still I'd admit that it's a tight race,
I'm between Iraq and a hard place
In this tough campaign
An' with the "Mission Unaccomplished"
You have no idea how I've wished
That I only had a brain


I wouldn't be a righteous phony
'Bout gays and matrimony,
For po-li-ti-cal gain
Despite the twisted words of preachers
I'd still honor all God's creatures
If I only had a brain
Now despite him bein' brainy,
I think I'd go and dump Dick Cheney
There's too much to explain
Michael Moore would not provoke me
Little pretzels wouldn't choke me
If I only had a brain


Big words wouldn't throw me curves
When I stand up to speak
I would master names like Aye, uh ... Ah-ru-gabbie,
Uh ... Ara-gombie, Ahbra-ga-babra
Aw, who the heck am I kidding?


So, when you vote come this November
It helps not to remember
I'm pretty much insane
His-to-ry will say that it's bizarre
And amazing I have come so far
For a man without a brain!