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Song Parodies -> "The Second Advance"
Original Song Title:
"The Second Attack"
Original Performer:
The Cast Of Les Miserables
Parody Song Title:
"The Second Advance"
Parody Written by:
Glynn Leaney
The Lyrics
Part 43 of "The Unfortunates" sees the march turning nasty.
THE SECOND ADVANCE
Thomas
Extremists have now stirred,
We could find some trouble with that lot over there.
I’m sure that you have heard
That they are armed and ready to fight anywhere.
Let’s not waste more time.
Let everybody who came here to join us
March from here.
Fred
Drink will help me on my way;
Lotta bottle gives me heart!
All
It’s a sign of friendship.
Hold your head high.
We will dine on friendship
Never say die.
If you try, we’ll try with you!
(The marchers set off again. Thomas is on his mobile.)
Thomas
How’s it going, Freddy?
What’s it like there?
Fred
Looks like trouble,
Extremists everywhere.
Mark
I’ll go round into that street,
Try to calm the protest down.
Keep those banners flying high
And keep your feet firm on the ground!
Thomas
You must be a fool!
There’s a chance you’ll get hurt.
Mark
You might be right,
But others could too!
Dan
I don’t mind,
I’m much fitter than him.
And besides,
I need to find a loo!
Colin
I know I’d get there faster
And determined too!
Lesley
Good man, Colin, run like Hell!
Joey
Keep in contact on the phone.
Colin
That was easy, I feel swell!
(In the next street, bottles start flying)
Things look pretty nasty,
Policemen everywhere, they’re
Charging with their batons,
It seems they don’t care!
(Colin is hit by a police baton)
They treat us just like dogs
Without a proper lead.
But dogs in packs get ugly
When they see a need.
So your forces should be ready
When the dogs are…
(Colin falls unconscious)
Police Officer (using a loudspeaker)
All of you marchers, just listen to me;
Stop throwing your bottles, you’re wasting beer!
So please disperse and go on home.
You’re better off not here!
Thomas
Looks like stalemate. They won’t move.
We’ll retreat if you like.
Joey
We’ve still got lots to prove.
Norman
I propose a week-long strike!
Thomas
Let everyman
Make up his mind
What he would like to do.
(There follows utter mayhem, with bottles flying, policemen charging with batons,
and people getting hurt. At the end of the day, however, there are no serious casualties.)
Thomas
Extremists have now stirred,
We could find some trouble with that lot over there.
I’m sure that you have heard
That they are armed and ready to fight anywhere.
Let’s not waste more time.
Let everybody who came here to join us
March from here.
Fred
Drink will help me on my way;
Lotta bottle gives me heart!
All
It’s a sign of friendship.
Hold your head high.
We will dine on friendship
Never say die.
If you try, we’ll try with you!
(The marchers set off again. Thomas is on his mobile.)
Thomas
How’s it going, Freddy?
What’s it like there?
Fred
Looks like trouble,
Extremists everywhere.
Mark
I’ll go round into that street,
Try to calm the protest down.
Keep those banners flying high
And keep your feet firm on the ground!
Thomas
You must be a fool!
There’s a chance you’ll get hurt.
Mark
You might be right,
But others could too!
Dan
I don’t mind,
I’m much fitter than him.
And besides,
I need to find a loo!
Colin
I know I’d get there faster
And determined too!
Lesley
Good man, Colin, run like Hell!
Joey
Keep in contact on the phone.
Colin
That was easy, I feel swell!
(In the next street, bottles start flying)
Things look pretty nasty,
Policemen everywhere, they’re
Charging with their batons,
It seems they don’t care!
(Colin is hit by a police baton)
They treat us just like dogs
Without a proper lead.
But dogs in packs get ugly
When they see a need.
So your forces should be ready
When the dogs are…
(Colin falls unconscious)
Police Officer (using a loudspeaker)
All of you marchers, just listen to me;
Stop throwing your bottles, you’re wasting beer!
So please disperse and go on home.
You’re better off not here!
Thomas
Looks like stalemate. They won’t move.
We’ll retreat if you like.
Joey
We’ve still got lots to prove.
Norman
I propose a week-long strike!
Thomas
Let everyman
Make up his mind
What he would like to do.
(There follows utter mayhem, with bottles flying, policemen charging with batons,
and people getting hurt. At the end of the day, however, there are no serious casualties.)
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