When I get old and I lose my head
not so many years from now,
Will you still want to sent me to Bard,
will you do my dishes and write my cards?
Though our society will be much changed,
Will you still say 'keen'?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
when I am eighteen?

ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ooh,
You'll be real old too,
But you'd better treat me with respect,
Or I may live with you.

I could kill myself doing work
Even in the yard,
I'd better kick back and take it easy,
nothing that's too hard.

Listening to really loud music,
Never again to clean!
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
when I am eighteen?

Every summer you would send me to boarding school,
I will want to stay home,
But you'd do anything
to prevent me from using your phone
ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

Send me a postcard, leave a message,
Offering threats galore,
But to whether I'll listen, the answer is nay,
I'm eighteen, what more can I say???

Give me a scholorship, a house and a car,
I'll promise to keep them clean!
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
when I am eighteen? (Hoo!)
(musical ending with enthusiatic teenager thanking parents, followed by a sloshing drink and a guilty "Oops!")