Now I'm not a fellow who will start a fuss
To raise the devil or swear or cuss
I'm a pleasant gentle kind old sort of fool
But I'm getting mad at this dizziness
It's become society's bus-i-ness
Each time I flick my BIC and light a KOOL
Now heaven knows why I still smoke
I cough and hack and gasp and choke
Old Man Tobacco has ruined my singing voice
But for the very life of me
There's something that I just can't see
Why smoking should become the government's choice

Don't don't smoke that cigarette
If you light up there'll be trouble you can bet
Time to quit and you'd better not fail
Smoke in public - go to jail
So you'd better never smoke that cigarette

Out in Hollywood this guy Rob Reiner
His leftist pals and elite designers
Are getting just a little out of hand
If there's a film with smoking in it
They're on the case in half a minute
To cut those scenes or get that movie banned
They say, between tokes on their lids,
Protect the public and the kids!
Smoking is where we will draw the line!
But drugs, violence, obscenity
And all forms of pornography
Are all just art and we think that they're fine!

Don't don't smoke that cigarette
If you light up there'll be trouble you can bet
Time to quit and you'd better not fail
Smoke in public - go to jail
So you'd better never smoke that cigarette

Up in Washington, our chief Obama
Who likes to give speeches with a lot of drama
Comes before us with these mournful tales
While the country's problems he can't fix
He just can't abandon those cancer sticks
And every time he tries to quit he fails
While he sneaks a puff in the old Rose Garden
The rest of us can expect no pardon
He's sworn to get the monkey off our backs
But how will he fund the recovery
Without that government money
They get from five-buck-a-pack tobacco tax?

Don't don't smoke that cigarette
If you light up there'll be trouble you can bet
Time to quit and you'd better not fail
Smoke in public - go to jail
So you'd better never smoke that cigarette