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Song Parodies -> "Don't Water Maker's Mark!"

Original Song Title:

"My Old Kentucky Home"

Original Performer:

Stephen Foster

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Water Maker's Mark!"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

There are very few unforgivable sins to a Kentuckian. Among the most egregious are voting Republican in state and local elections, voting Democratic in federal elections, and not fanatically supporting University of Kentucky basketball if you live outside of the Louisville city limits. But now, the distillers of our finest bourbon whiskey Maker's Mark intend to add more water to the product to keep up with increased demand! Finally, here's THE unforgivable sin. Why not make Coca-Cola half water to make it more profitable? Oh wait...they already do and call it Coke Zero! ;D

Kentuckians are portrayed unfav'rbly,
The target of many bad jokes.
There is more to us than the coal and K.F.C..
As a rule, we're warm and happy folks.

Our thoroughbreds are the fastest in the land,
But bourbon's the jewel in our crown.
Now we hear with fear that, to keep up with demand,
Soon our Maker's Mark will be watered-down.

Don't dilute our Maker's
Just so you can compete.
'Though it's business wise, Mark you must not b*stardize.
It's like adding Coke to Chateau Lafite.

The new blend now makes our Mark eighty-four proof.
The owners say few folks will tell.
But we foresee that this plan is one big goof.
It will taste like cheap stuff from the well.

Mint juleps which we enjoy on Derby Day
Will taste like they have melted ice.
Still this won't count. Higher sales are holding sway.
Why not use MORE water and cut price?

Don't abuse our Maker's!
That's evil to the max.
If this plan is real, then they'd better change the seal
From the famous red to light pinkish wax.

The red wax seal at the top of the bottle is Maker's Mark most recognizable distinction. When you sip (or guzzle) Kentucky bourbon, then think well of me. ;D

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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AFW - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Points for smooth extra dry humor...should be stirred and not shaken, while read...(I know, it's whiskey, and not a martini)...good writing, here...really shows you knows your whiskey.... :)...your version should be sung at the Kentucky Derby
Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Thank you. ;D
Rob Arndt - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
555! And you can probably live with it considering that the famous "Kentucky Rifles" (Long Rifles) were made by German Pa. gunsmiths!!!
Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - I actually knew that one. Because they weren't equipped to mount a bayonet, they often weren't ideal for use in the Revolutionary War. ;D
TJC - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
At least your genius is undiluted.... this really Hit the MarkĀ®!
Wendy Christopher - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
So THAT'S how they make Coke Zero! 8^0 This parody is a quality brew, and I drank it down neat - now i'm measuring out a 555 for you.

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