I...am a man...who's dressed like Zorro...
I got rubber for my blade
I...did tell my wife...I want a real one...
Gen-u-ine sword and sheath of suede
(But of his wife he is afraid)

I...must make my Z's...with Heinz 5-7...
And I must do it all outside
I...am swift and fierce...and filled with vengeance...
I made the dog go run and hide
(We're pretty sure he's certified)

I...am foe of fear...and friend of justice...
My other friends all went away
I...brandish this sword...with dead precision...
I have a blade but I'm not gay
(Not that there's something wrong with gay)

You...can challenge me...to death we'll battle...
Except I must be home by eight
I...must mask myself...to protect others...
In leather pants I'm lookin' great
(He's sixty-five pounds overweight)