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Song Parodies -> "Merkava is a Mighty Beast"

Original Song Title:

"Broccoli Smells Like Dirty Feet!"

Original Performer:

Silly Kids Songs

Parody Song Title:

"Merkava is a Mighty Beast"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Merkava V is the latest indigenous Israeli MBT which is now at a staggering 67 tons! It has an upgraded 1550 hp engine, main gun able to fire AT and AH rounds through it, reinforced armored roof to stop top-attack missiles, and electro-opticals for better visual target acquisition. The gunner's hatch is eliminated leaving only one exit up top- the commander's hatch which is strengthened and sealed tight. It has addtional belly armor to protect against mines and new data systems inside. King of the ME tanks, it is ready for combat against Syrian T-72s gathering near the Golan Heights to open a second front in Assad's civil war.
In old times, chariots were cavalry
In Israel they’re now MBTs
Merkava V is a sight to see
67 tons for fierce fighting

Now Syria has T-72s
They’re manned by poorly trained tank crews
It can fire a missile through a barrel run
But is outranged by the Merkava’s gun

Merkava is a mighty beast
Champion of the Middle East
Top attack, well it’s hard to beat
Rear door hatch, armed troops can reach
Attacks a helo with its main gun
Mows down infantry with machine guns
Enemy armor, has them on the run
Golan Heights? Tough enough… and then some!!!

In Lebanon, the tank proved its worth
Urban warfare, it shook the earth
Then came the newer Marks II, III, and IV
Mark V is better than before

Electro-optics, far better to see
Reinforced roof, top-attacks cease
Sloping turret with 1-20 main gun
Anti-helo rounds- WG spun*

Merkava is a mighty beast
Champion of the Middle East
Top attack, well it’s hard to beat
Rear door hatch, armed troops can reach
Attacks a helo with its main gun
Mows down infantry with machine guns
Enemy armor, has troops on the run
Golan Heights? Tough enough… and then some!!!

Halt the Syrians, and Shiite scum!!!


Anti-helo rounds fired through the main gun are wire-guide spun to target AFAIK. May be replaced by flash-optics designator system guiding missile sensors or an acoustic sensor targeting the rotor... Note: New Israeli tank in development with Germany to mount a EM Rail Gun and use plasma weaponry, shielded by EM deflective armor tried by Germany in 2004. Two man crew, lighter weight, and faster max. speed. Possible laser blinding system and exterior AH and AA protection. Germans are going with added microwave heat weapon able to melt AFVs and warp MBT main guns at close range! Both projects aimed at 2020 objectives.

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Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 19

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User Comments

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Callmelennie - June 07, 2013 - Report this comment
A T-72 once was a significant threat .. back in 1972. Now it's about two generations behind the times. Moreover, the Soviet Defense Ministry actually made shoddy versions of T-72 to sell to the Arabs, to boot
Rob Arndt - June 07, 2013 - Report this comment
The T-72 was developed by 1973 and accepted by the Red Army by 1975. First seen in the West in 1977, the tank formed the backbone of the Russian and Warsaw Pact armored forces and there are still roughly 18,000 of them spread out all over the world with former and current FSU client states. The Russian version with 125mm main gun was the first fitted with reactive armor and used RHA with laminate armor up front and reactive bolt ons. The engine has been upgraded to around 900 hp for 45 tons, so it has good speed and has back up 12.7mm MG as well as ability to fire AT-11 missiles through the main gun. Crew of 3 with autoloader and low silhouette. Led to the T-90 which has been heavily upgraded to fight helos and even attack aircraft!!! But the Syrian export version is less sophisticated with very little upgrades to the powerpack and fire control systems. Who knows if they even have spare parts now!!! The Merkava of any Mark will kill the T-72 at ranges of 4-5000m easily and is very advanced with the Mark IIIs through the new V. The only weakness the Merkava has is that it is tailored for ME open range and urban fighting and not suitable for European to Russian and Asian battlefields. It would easily be taken out by the Leo IIA-5 through A-7, Challenger 2, LeClerc, and M1A2++ as well as Russian T-80s and 90s with dazzlers and more powerful missiles, active armor, EO systems, and on very rough terrain against Reds with ATGWs. But out in the open on its turf or nearby it can kill decisively. The few lost to Hezbollah buried mines are now protected by belly armor and also reinforced roof armor against new top-attack missiles. At 67 tons it is approaching the WW2 King Tiger for weight but has more hp- almost 1600! Merkava uses RHA, laminate, modular, and both passive and active armor systems. It is one of the few world tanks that can fire at a helo.
sockpuppet - June 08, 2013 - Report this comment
What the hell does all this stuff about tanks have to do with parody? Nuts to this site.
Rob Arndt - June 08, 2013 - Report this comment
My way of making fun of the Syrians. Parodies DO NOT have to be humorous all the time. Any variant of the OS can be also witty, sarcastic, political, morbid, perverse, etc... still qualifies. And taking a children's song and converting it over to Milspeak makes it funny IMHO. Too bad you don't understand the tech nor the acronyms. That's your problem- Vet...
Bill Daniels - June 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob, my boy, t'anks for the memories ;-)

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