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Song Parodies -> "Worst Tank Ever for Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Worst Tank Ever for Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

During early WW2 New Zealand Defence Minister Bob Semple wanted to design a tank named after himself. So he aquired several International Harvester tractors from the Public Works and tried in vain to make a decent tank out of essentially junk materials like scrap iron and corrugated steel panels with firing ports all around. Main armament was 4x MGs with the main gunner having to lie on a mattress in a prone position to fire! Weight was claimed at between 20-25 tons but historians and tank experts disagree with that based on the materials used. Anyway, the tank had a high COG, was unstable, looked horrendous, had to stop to shift gears, had a maximum speed of 8 mph and had 8 men as crew... to for what??? 4 gunners and a driver=5, so what about the other 3??? Three tanks were built with a 4th almost completed before the ridiculed program was stopped and the tractors returned. They had participated in morale rallies but the laughter was too much! Rube Goldberg could have designed a better contraption. As for combat, the troops called the tank the "White Elephant" and "The Tin Can". The Japanese probably would have doubled over in laughter as armor was poor to the point of being taken out by light small arms! Universally regarded as the worst tank design in history.
Worst tank ever for use
Folly time

Bob Semple’s idea was so crude
Tractor usin’
Structure amusin’

Box panels around it
Loopholes all around
Constructed badly
Inside, mattresses as men lied down!

[Small arms from firing ports circled round]

Worst tank ever for use
Folly time
In wartime

No excuse
No excuse
No excuse
For that running junk heap
Power not there
8 mph speed
Parts were so cheap

[20 ton beast]

Sight to see
Worst tank ever for use
Folly time
(New Zealand tank design absurdity)
http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/tanks/newzealand/NZ-Semple.jpg http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/tanks/newzealand/NZ-BobSemple.jpg

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

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Patrick - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
That's the same country where a vacuum cleaner company turned a nice bolt-action Lee Enfield rifle into a full-auto machine gun. From what I heard, that didn't work out so well either.
Rob Arndt - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
http://www.militaryfactory.com/smallarms/imgs/charlton-automatic-rifle.jpg

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