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Song Parodies -> "ONTOS for Marine Use"
Original Song Title:
"I Put a Spell on You"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Screamin' Jay Hawkins
Parody Song Title:
"ONTOS for Marine Use"
Parody Written by:
Robert D. Arndt Jr.
The Lyrics
The M50 ONTOS was a light tank destroyer used in Vietnam that had an odd configuration of 6x 106mm recoilless guns (3 perside) that looked like outstretsched arms! The 3 man crew sat in a cramped interior and had to load the tubes externally, so they were easy targets. The vehicle was air-delivered so that was a vunerability too. It had slow speed of 28 mph and only had 13mm of armor protection. So basically this thing was no good at fighting tanks. The Marines, however, discovered another use- saturation firing on other targets that destroyed them with "Beehive" fire. In that regard the ONTOS redemmed itself to some degree- still, it was phased out. ONTOS in Greek means "Thing" FYI... also, the concept was not new as the Germans used the Borgward B.IVC with 6x Panzerschrecks in Berlin along with the similar PzJ 731(e) converted Bren carrier!!!
ONTOS for Marine Use
weird design
Armor with 6 recoilless tubes
No tank beater
Cramped interior
Air to deliver it
Carried 18 rounds
Loaded externally
Flash caught attention all around
[Also made an ungodly sound]
ONTOS for Marine Use
weird design
Unkind
Hard to use
Hard to use
Hard to use
Was slow and had small size
Jarheads aware
Evolved new tactic
Called the “Beehive”
[Sat fire saved lives]
Oddity
ONTOS for Marine Use
weird design
(Still, firepower was frightening)
weird design
Armor with 6 recoilless tubes
No tank beater
Cramped interior
Air to deliver it
Carried 18 rounds
Loaded externally
Flash caught attention all around
[Also made an ungodly sound]
ONTOS for Marine Use
weird design
Unkind
Hard to use
Hard to use
Hard to use
Was slow and had small size
Jarheads aware
Evolved new tactic
Called the “Beehive”
[Sat fire saved lives]
Oddity
ONTOS for Marine Use
weird design
(Still, firepower was frightening)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/34/Ontos.jpg/300px-Ontos.jpg
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User Comments
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Not too many things less relevant than an American tank destroyer in Vietnam. That would almost be the epitome of irrelevance.
That being said, I know exactly what the ONTOS looked like because a friend of mine used to build model tanks and the ONTOS was one of his models
The NVA DID have tanks such as Soviet T-54/55s but did not use them much. The US responded with Pattons and the ONTOS which was nicknamed "The Armored Shotgun"!!! If anything, the psychological effect of the ONTOS firing scared the NVA :)
The NVA used the Soviet T-55 tanks in 1972, once the bulk of American forces had left, only to discover that, although the infantry was gone, the ground attack aircraft were still hanging around. Thus, the NVA armor was annihilated. Actually, the only episode where NVA used armor against Americans was in a raid against a American SF camp at Lang Vei. Even here, the NVA used the PT-76, a light amphibious, air droppable Soviet tank
Actually, the NVA was developing tactics for their tanks in 1966 and first encounter was at Ben Het with Pattons vs PT-76s. Lang Vei was also in '68 but LAW rockets were used. In '72 the ARVN used M41s to fight T-54s. But most NVA losses was due to bad terrain and US airpower (B-52s and strike aircraft mixed with Army choppers). Their inventory was mainly T54/T55/T59.
The ingenuity of weapons designers never ceases to amaze me. Most of them never actually have to take their little toys into a real battle.
What amazes me are all the "Fringe Science" weapons of the Third Reich that have become in the 21st century the "Weapons of the Future": sonic weapons, atmospheric distortion weapons, field energy weapons, active camouflage, holomorphics, caseless weapons, blackcraft (discs, cylindricals, and triangles), space weapons, charge plate armor, fluidic armor, smart bullets, plasma weaponry, battlefield flight gear, autonomous weapons, and advanced meditech. Quite a list derived from Third Reich embryonic systems and concepts!
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