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Song Parodies -> "Mini-Railgun Tough Shoot"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Mini-Railgun Tough Shoot"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

A railgun is a staple science fiction weapon. Unlike guns that use a small explosive charge, or compressed gas, to accelerate a projectile, a series of electromagnets in a railgun's 'barrel' act on a projectile, one after another. As the projectile reaches each electromagnet, it shuts off and the next one is turned on sequentially. Theoretically, very high muzzle velocities should be possible. This isn't a new idea. A 1933 patent application describes a machine gun that uses magnetic flux instead of "gun powder or the like." We don't have electric machine guns today quite likely because back in 1933 we didn't have high-output portable generators. Mr. Virgil Rigsby of San Augustine, Texas went for the small-scale version of what today is known as a "railgun" when he patented his electric machinegun, which would have revolutionized warfare if the extension cord had stretched a bit further...." It failed because it was not practical- the power supply being a heavy generator to transport and an easy target to take out on land or by air. By 1945 at Peenemunde, von Braun and his scientists had looked at various projectile shapes for future cannon and missiles and so the idea came around for a new rail gun in 150mm caliber by 9/44 that would be installed in a massive bunker with its power source buried in a mountain or under up to 36 ft of reinforced concrete able to withstand anything the Allies might throw at it. The Germans also had a small scale 40mm Electric Gun by Hansler and the V-3 multi-barreled cannon. Postwar, this weapon was debated and then as technology advanced the US Navy has wanted it as replacement for the old battleship big guns (also unrealistic, even with nuclear reactor derived power)!!!
Mini-railgun tough shoot
not refined

Rigsby railgun of small-scale use
MG tryin’
Voltage supplyin’

Was no demand for it
Barrel was coil-bound
ROF was deadly
But hard to drag the generator round!

[Long extension cords had to be found]

Mini-railgun tough shoot
not refined
in time

Of no use
Of no use
Of no use
The Army didn’t care
Hard to repair
In emergency
No adequate part spares

Futility
Mini-railgun tough shoot
not refined
(Small size compared to cannons in Germany)




http://davidszondy.com/future/war/railgun03.jpg http://blog.modernmechanix.com/mags/ModernMechanix/9-1934/rail_gun.jpg

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

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User Comments

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AFW - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Liked that long extension cord line
Rob Arndt - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks AFW... how true. The US design was ahead of its time but proved to impractical for usage. I suspect that the generator in combat would have been truck mounted like the Japanese microwave weapons intended for home island defense. That would mean expose to fire as well as long extension cords littering the battlefield. The German heavy guns were to built with massive protection but would need massive diesel engines (projected at 16-20,000 hp) to power them or a single power plant to run multiple gun installations!!! Most people are unaware that Peenemunde was not just a rocket development facility but also pioneered advanced aerodynamics, and planned various energy weapons and railguns, maglevs, and space weapons!

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