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Song Parodies -> "German Synthetic Food"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"German Synthetic Food"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In the last year of the war as food supplies were lost or diminished, German scientists worked hard to provide the Germany Army and Waffen SS with synthetic products to sustain them. Some of these methods declassified in the 1950s and tested by the US Army included a completely chemical nutrient substance that had 49 essentials. It came in the form of a brownish gelatinous goo and was supplied in a toothpaste type container that was rolled. About 1” per day mixed with water was suitable to sustain good health. A second synthetic product was German synthetic meat substitute which used beans and vegetable extracts which were fed into a spinning machine that made a fiber strand that was actually woven into a mesh framework like cloth. Fats, colorings, flavorings, and vitamins were then added and the mm thin meat was dried into a form like edible paper/cloth. It could be rolled and so a container was made for it with a tubular insert which was pump tube for a potato mash goo that could be heated to make small cakes. Preparations were being made to issue the new products by the Fall of ‘45 but Germany surrendered in May. The synthetics were taken by the US Army and shipped back home for testing, then sold to food manufacturers for more development. All of the three declassifieds above were modified in the 1950s and were proposed for use with the US armed forces. All were rejected b/c the US had an ample supply of C-RATS! Attempts to sell to foreign nations, even impoverished ones, failed due to the demand for simple beans and rice! No one wanted the nutrient gela-goo, nor the synthetic meat, nor the potatoes in a tube mash (that was tried in aerosol can form too)! FYI…
German synthetic food
tech applied

Nutrients-only in Gela-goo
(came out of a toothpaste tube)
Fortifyin’
Good health supplyin’

Meat-was demand for it
A new source was found
Veg extracts spun wildly
Mesh strands formed framework for addin’ on

[Fats, coloring, flavoring, were strong]

German synthetic food
tech applied
Food supply

[Synthetic meat then dried]

A pump tube
A pump tube
A pump tube
Used for potatoes too
Handled with care
Was easy to eat
Looked like white goo

[More synthetic food]

Soldat needs
German synthetic food
tech applied
(US tried them in ‘50s)


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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AFW - September 07, 2012 - Report this comment
Interesting...spuds in a tube, couldn't have been much worse and the instant buds and stuff they feed us from todays restaurants.
Rob Arndt - September 08, 2012 - Report this comment
I don't think that the German Soldiers and Waffen SS would have even noticed- they were pumped with methamphetamines since '39 and the D.IX drug would have made them marching robotic killer zombies. But when you piece all these fragments of information together with all medical advances, food advances, and weapon advance, the German war effort would have been frightening by Oct '45. Even today that story is never told and is found in declassified pieces here and there. The UK announced a year ago that by 2013 it will start to disclose a few of the German enigmas they hold which include a Foo Fighter machine, a disc craft, weird assault rifles, strange projectiles, info on Coler's free energy machine, and lots of aviation designs never revealed. Russia revealed a German U-shaped design for space bomber and the USAF has released the Lippisch Dynofortress design as well as his aerodynes. But this is just tip of the iceberg teases. The US holds the lions share of the most advanced systems but has slapped 75-100 year holds on them. That's 2020-2045. I don't think we'll make it.

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