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Song Parodies -> "Nerve Agents of No Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Nerve Agents of No Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Unknown to the Allies, the Germans in the late 1930s while developing stronger insecticides discovered that some could be turned into lethal nerve agents. The first discovered by I.G. Farben was Tabun (ethyl dimethyl-phosphoramidocyanide) by accident when ONE DROP was spilled on a bench and a doctor and assistant were immediately affected and took 3 weeks to recover. A sample was sent to the German Chemical Warfare section of the Army Weapons Office and a patent soon followed with production orders. Work started in 1940 but production didn't begin until 1942. By 1945 30,000 tons were produced with 500,000 artillery shells and 100,000 bombs stockpiled for use. In March 1945 a barge was loaded with Tabun artillery shells but sat w/o orders and was captured. Sarin (methyethyl melthyphosphenofluoridate) was discovered by 1938 but a production facility was delayed b/c Falkenhagen already had to take precautions with CIF3 held in reserve which was a new form of Greek Fire known as N-Material that the German Army dropped as too hazardous to store. The SS picked it up and produced it but also never used it in combat, so Sarin produced was just 10 tons when the facility could have cranked out 500 tons/mo!!! Somen (Pinacolyl methyphosphonofluoridate) was not produced but the formula was found buried in a German mine in 1945 by the Soviets. Hitler refused to use the agents b/c he was gassed in WW1 and feared instant retaliation by the Allies with 100s of thousands of tons of conventional gasses dropped by airpower. He was correct as they held sufficient stocks and Britain had Anthrax as well. Amazingly, Sarin has been used in the Iraq-Iran first Gulf War by Iraq and also by a fanatical religious sect on the Japanese subway causing death. The German nerve gases are still retained for use by both sides as well as VX developed by the British postwar. The Germans in 2003 made powdered Anthrax and shipped samples to the US Army during OIF. The NBC suits obtained from the Germans were not modified for use against powdered Anthrax and the Germans themselves switched over to a new "Butcher" NBC suit that is effective, but won't export it to others! They claimed that the powdered Anthrax was justified under the military "research" loophole, but Germany retains stocks of it for combat use. Another gas the Germans invented in WW2 was brown sugar (a dessicator gas still classified). I parodied that already under Julie Andrews :)
Nerve agents of no use
by ‘45

Insecticides were used
Produced Tabun
Then Soman and Sarin

SS wanted to use it
Hitler turned them down
Results would prove deadly
But retaliation might be inbound (through bombing)

Nerve agents of no use
by ‘45
Stood by (with no orders)

Gas for use
Gas for use
Gas for use
Tabun, 30,000 tons
From land or air
Barge loaded on the Spree
Orders did not come

Scary
Nerve agents of no use
by ‘45
(Germans could have used on Red Army)
This is my 350th SJH IPASOY parody! JAB has 396...

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Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 10

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