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Song Parodies -> "Burton Rifle Never Used"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell On You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Burton Rifle Never Used"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In 1917, Burton Arms made the first US assault rifle. It was initially to be used against German recon balloons, but could be adapted for ground troops. It was in a bizarre .345 caliber and had 2 mags in V-position above the receiver! One was locked into Feed while the other was locked in Stored. After one ran out, it was removed while the other one was moved into Feed. It featured a finned barrel, pistol grip, was open bolt and select fire, weighing 10 lbs! One was made with 10 ordered for trial, but the war ended and it was lost for a long time before being found and put in a museum.
Burton Rifle never used
Not enough time

Light Machine Rifle was new
.345 Cal
Weighed about 10 lbs

The US Army wanted it
To be adapted to the ground
But it was an aircraft weapon
For shooting German balloons down

Burton Rifle never used
Not enough time
Armistice signed...

Mags x 2
Spitzer bullets spewed
Finned barrel cool
Open bolt and select fire
Made for the air
In secrecy
But the contract expired

Burton rifle never used
Not enough time
(Lost, then found, can be seen)*

In a museum!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - January 29, 2018 - Report this comment
Rob Arndt - January 29, 2018 - Report this comment
Mauser M1915 for comparison:
Patrick - January 29, 2018 - Report this comment
Looked this up on "Forgotten Weapons". Appears to be excellent workmanship, typical of the era. The double mag system would make it too complicated for the average soldier to use. Weird caliber a handicap, too. Looks like a cross between an M1941 Johnson, Thompson SMG, and a Brazilian Uru.

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