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Song Parodies -> "A Heavy Tank Never Used"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"A Heavy Tank Never Used"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Due to reliance on medium tanks in WW2 inferior to both German and Soviet models, the US tried to rectify the situation postwar with heavy tanks but only succeeded with a single produced model that never saw service. This was the 65 ton M103 of the '50s and '60s until the M60 came along. It was not a good design having numerous faults.
A heavy tank never used
In Cold War clime

M103 was not quite a brute
Not a King Tiger
Nor IS-3 wonder

Separate charge gun was a bad fit
Two gunners needed, not sound
120mm for firepower
Only carried 34 rounds!

A heavy tank never used
Cold war clime
Had to be refined

Slow on the move
Armor (only up front) was good
Underpowered too
Took a 5 man crew
Breakdowns here & there
No care for modernity
Only 300 produced

Awaited M60
A heavy tank never used
Army and Marine Corps declined
(80 mile range, lacked mobility)
Note: the 120mm rifled gun was nowhere near the latter German Rheinmetall 120mm smoothbore adopted by the US M1 tanks and used by the phenomenal Leopard family

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - April 05, 2017 - Report this comment
Did these end up in the scrapyard, or did the Pentagon unload them on some unsuspecting 3rd World country as "military aid". 300 is a lot of units for a failed design. Code for this comment RHM. Sounds like Rheinmetall.
Rob Arndt - April 05, 2017 - Report this comment
There were multiple variants and conversions, but in the end they were used for missile target practice. There are plenty of survivors, however.
Rob Arndt - April 05, 2017 - Report this comment
Note: needed 2 loaders, not gunners! My bad.

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