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Song Parodies -> "A Secret Nazi Brew"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"A Secret Nazi Brew"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

When Coca-Cola did not honor it's promise to give Germany licensing rights to it's soda, Fanta was created instead. But there's another story missing. Before Fanta was a success and adopted another experiment led to a chocolate soda fortified with vitamins. Hitler wanted it to be made with methamphetamines instead, but production in pills had already started and chocolate resources were limited. So, the drink morphed into a chocolate beverage with vitamins and was produced in France and shipped back to Germany for Hitler and his guests. It was called Soffy and named after a cute brown bear which was the logo. Production was limited and ceased in 1944. Some bottles were in the bunker with the labels removed per Hitler. It is listed in Soviet archives as unknown chocolate beverage, Item 27.
A secret Nazi Brew,
Found in '45

Hitler had a need for you
Paul Schmidt invented,
Kola experimented

Used chocolate as substitute
Vitamin fortified, sound
Hitler wanted meth included,
But the pharmacists shut it down
Pills in the millions already around

A secret Nazi brew
Kept alive
New drink derived

Choco-cool
Bottles few
Shipped by Ju-52s
From France monthly
Soffy was scarce
A luxury
Stored in the bunker for company
(Like Mussolini)

Brown bear cute
A secret Nazi brew
Found in '45
(Chocolate bars wouldn't do)
Note; Hitler wanted the meth version to be called SIG for Victory Soda complete with Sig rune logo. Fortunately, the healthy chocolate vitamin drink was made instead. It was part of Hitler's diet, but kept off his official list. None of his cooks nor food tasters ever had it. It was a luxury item for foreign dignitaries and Hitler himself. Eva didn't like it. She preferred boozing with the SS and German soldiers, girlfriends. Hitler reputedly shipped a case to Mussolini!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - March 20, 2017 - Report this comment
Note: Soffy was the name of the inventor's daughter's plush bear made by Steiff.
Patrick - March 20, 2017 - Report this comment
What would a bottle of this brew be worth today? I know one guy who drinks "Yoo-Hoo" which is some sort of carbonated chocolate drink. I like chocolate, but don't mix it with carbonation. I think they still make Scho-Ka-Kola, which was a solid product. Too heavy on caffeine for me these days. Interesting to know that Hitler liked chocolate. Wonder if he ever tried an Aero bar.
Yogi von Berra - March 20, 2017 - Report this comment
Yoo-Hoo carbonated? Raus, Patrick! You have lost soft drink cred and are therefore banished from this club!
Rob Arndt - March 20, 2017 - Report this comment
Only the Russians would know if any survived from the bunker. But they tore everything up in Berlin in their violent spree. One might have to investigate in France where it was produced. Maybe an odd bottle survived from 1944. The French kept the He-274 bomber ;-)
Patrick - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
My cardiac surgeon would have banished me from such activities years ago. I only saw someone else drinking Yoo-Hoo. I didn't look close at it nor taste it. I assumed it was carbonated. Maybe someone could find the formula for Soffy and offer it today. Don't know whether it would sell better with or without the Sieg rune. Original meth formula would sell really well.
Rob Arndt - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, have you tried Zuberfizz Chocolate Cream Soda? They have it at my Cost Plus Imports store. Would you recommend it? I too have never tried Yoo-Hoo either...
Raphael - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Fascinating history! My parents lived through the occupation, and here we were making chocolate for Hitler! Didn't anyone think to poison it?
Rob Arndt - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
It wouldn't have mattered in the slightest. Hitler had his cooks and food tasters. When not them, his Waffen SS bodyguards. That's why the cook and food tasters testimony is contradicted. Eva Braun, Dr. Morell, and the Waffen SS have stated that Hitler ate meat on occasion, drank champagne, and now drank a special chocolate drink. His daily diet is now known as well and was very healthy between 1200-1500 calories. It was his meth and narcotics use that messed him up. I agree with Patrick that Soffy should be made today. You can still buy Fachingen mineral water from Germany that Hitler drank everyday. It would be strange to see a Hitler food aisle in the supermarket, but he accurately predicted a more healthy world in the future since the late 1930s addressing the dangers of smoking and promoting a more vegetarian lifestyle.
But Leave My Tit's Alone - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
I couldn't get past the first sentence of the Header. "It's" instead of "its"? Twice? Alert my cardiac surgeon!
Rob Arndt - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Classic spellchecker bad auto-corrections I missed. My bad, sorry.
Patrick - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
I am known by family and close friends for extreme eccentricity when it comes to food. I rarely drink sodas anymore. Never drank a chocolate soda. Do like milk chocolate, but only plain, no nuts or peanut butter. Don't eat pork, lobster, catfish, oysters, frog legs, or similar. Not a "sin", just a personal preference. Same for alcohol. No ketchup, mustard, tartar sauce, etc. I like the real taste of a McDonald or Burger King Quarter Pounder or Whopper, something I suspect most people have never experienced. Used to have a rule about not eating fish and chicken on the same day, but I repealed that when I couldn't remember why I had it. If you've read my parodies over the years you probably suspected I was a bit "strange".
Der F├╝hrer's Food Taster - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
^ Patrick, who gives a sh*t about what you eat or don't eat? But as for Adolf's diet, that's an urgent matter of intense interest to me.
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Hitler's Basic Diet:

Breakfast:

1 cup oatmeal
5 fresh medium strawberries,
1 medium glass orange juice

Lunch:

1 bowl barley soup
1 glass of tea with 7 tsp sugar added

Dinner:

1 bowl white rice with cut bell peppers
10 asparagus spears
1 serving cauliflower & broccoli
1 pasta side (spaghetti, no meat, light sauce)

Dessert options:

6 bonbons
1 lg eclair
1 strudel piece
1 piece apple cake with raisins and nuts before bed daily

On occasion and misc:

1 slice of ham or one small piece of beef
1 4oz champagne
Noxi (soy paste)
Soffy (chocolate drink)
Fachingen mineral water (daily)
Vegatable stew
Martha - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
^^^ and here I thought that Jonathan guy was strange!

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