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Song Parodies -> "Smart Rifle Overdue"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Smart Rifle Overdue"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Canadians have debuted a new Smart Rifle off the SIPES program which is designed to be made of lighter materials, add advanced electronic sensors and positioning system, and introduce a 5.56mm Caseless round. A modular weapon, it can add a 12 guage shotgun or 40mm smart grenade launcher. Standard NATO 5.56mm ammo also taken.
Smart Rifle overdue
Got over 6.5 (mm)

Lighter polymers to be used
19 lbs total
Old 27 lbs was brutal!

Targets can be spot-tracked
Solutions can be found
Integrated soldier input
Rounds fired all around
(But no friendlies taken down!)

Smart Rifle overdue
Got over 6.5 (mm)
Caseless survived

Lots of room
12 guage boom
40 GL too
Firepower unprecedented
For the next war
Canadian Army
Presently, trial-tested

Smart accessories
Smart Rifle overdue
Got over 6.5 (mm)
(Command and Control Network possibility)
Notes: the US Army dream of new 6.5-6.8mm caliber is just about dead. German 4.77 Caseless was a winner, but the G-11 was sacrificed for German Reunification in 1990. Colt Canada resurrects it in 5.56mm CTA (Cased Telescoped Ammunition). 27 lbs here refers to the HK Smartrifle total loaded weight with upper and lower components plus integrated computer and sight system. SIPES stands for Soldier Integrated Precision Effects System. Canada has sunk $8 million into this program so far. The rifle will be smart but never automated. The soldier's sensors will be linked to each gun which will track targets and friendlies alike and choose what ammo to fire and where, when (optimal targeting long range).

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
http://www.engineering.com/Portals/0/BlogFiles/DesignerEdge/0215/CanadaSmartGun1.jpg
Patrick - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Now rifles are thinking. Wonder if that is necessarily a good idea. Wars are always going to be fought in mud, rain, dust, heat and frozen wilderness. A .303 Lee Enfield can handle that. I am trying to picture a smart phone or lap top staying in service under those conditions. Not to mentions soldiers having to keep a multitude of batteries charged.
Rob Arndt - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Older HK/Alliant Tech XM-29 OICW: http://world.guns.ru/userfiles/images/assault/as40/oicw.jpg
Rob Arndt - November 16, 2015 - Report this comment
Actually, the Chinese were the first to use a Smartrifle with the ZH-05 a few years back in the Gulf of Aden against pirates! South Korea and Singapore also have active Smartrifles. The West is lagging...

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