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Song Parodies -> "New Health Food... Human Poop?"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"New Health Food... Human Poop?"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In 2011 Japanese Professor Mitsuyuki Ikeda proposed a synthetic burger made from sewage mud (aka human excrement), soya, and steak sauce with artificial coloring. This would cut down on waste and also help the environment with animal methane emissions. It would be a endless supply of food for poor nations. But when further investigation revealed that the sources were suspicious, the Turd Burger was seen more as either a hoax or unfunded private experiment. For the record, the Nazis made synthetic food in 1945 for October 1945 issue. It consisted of vita gels, woven synthetic meat strands, and a canister pump synthetic potato mash. All carried in one unit. US Army captured it and tried their own versions in the 1950s. Never replaced C-RATs. Was forgotten. A true synthetic burger was made in 2013. I owe this one to Patrick whose Soylent Green parody made me remember this odd topic.
New health food...human poop?
Desperate times!

Mitsuyuki Ikeda tried to prove
Waste could be tasty
Recycled- not that nasty

Extract proteins and lipids from sh-t
Reactor enhanced, whipped around
Add soya, steak sauce, dyed red neatly
Low in fat, process was sound
(But in his video he never chowed down!)

New health food... human poop?
For desperate times
Or was he outta his mind!!!

Palatable food?
Texture was crude
Talkin' about poop!
Only scat fans might eat it
Just the sight caused stares
Vegans squirmed uneasily
Psychologically defeated!

63% protein
New health food... human poop?
For desperate times
(Crap burger... literally obscene)

63% protein, 25% carbs, 9% minerals, 3% lipids

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - July 23, 2015 - Report this comment
Just waiting for the first crap joke. Probably should have done Soviet tankers in Afghanistan distilling brake fluid through rye bread to drink!!!
Patrick - July 24, 2015 - Report this comment
I heard of cows being fed old newspaper and excrement. There is resistance in California to sewage water being reprocessed for drinking. Even though that is just a man-made, sped up version of how nature recycles water. Chinese have long used "night soil" for fertilizer for crops eaten by people. I used to see novelty bumper stickers imitating the signs on the back of commercial trucks, "If you don't like my driving, call 1-800-EAT-SH*T". Maybe that Japanese company will buy that as their real phone number, "Hungry? Call ....".
Rob Arndt - July 24, 2015 - Report this comment
I don't think recycled fecal matter will sell anywhere but Japan (as they lead in scat porn)! Even the photo of the burger looked gross. You can't just add soya and steak sauce to crap and make it palatable!!! Can you imagine future truck stops? "Hey, what is this sh-t?" And everyone yells back, "SH-T!!!" I'd like to see Carl's Jr. make a sexy commercial with the Turd Burger. Their slogan, if it doesn't get all over the place it doesn't belong in your face would have to replaced with Right out of your ass and into the mouth of this lass!!! McDonald's sign would read: Now serving 30 worldwide, the other 999,999,999 are vomiting!

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