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Song Parodies -> "Swamp Beast’s Gonna Get You"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Swamp Beast’s Gonna Get You"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

My 650th SJH IPASOY parody. This one deals with the new History Channel series "Cryptid: The Swamp Beast" which aired last night. Most of these sightings of water Bigfoots are dismissed but the Honey Island Swamp Monster remains a mystery. It first appeared in 1964 and by the 1970s Harlan Ford, an air traffic controller, took it upon himself to track the beast. He caused a sensation in 1974 with claimed sighting and huge footprints and a wild boar that had its throat ripped out. But no one knew that he filmed the beast until he died in 1980. Found amongst his belongings was Super 8mm film with the creature off in the distance in the water, staring back at him. Of course, the locals denied sightings and the image b/c it could have been a hunter in a Ghille suit that looks organic to blend into the landscape. Snipers use these too. But since no hunter ever came forward and the odious smell never explained in association with the beast... the sighting and recording remain a mystery. No one has undertaken further investigation.
Swamp Beast’s gonna get you
so Ford whined

It was something in the Bayou
Wild boar killin’
Water Bigfoot thrillin’

Ford thought he could handle it
Super 8 (mm) shots and sounds
Spotted ape-like baddie
For six years tried to hunt it down

[Only after his death was film found]

Swamp Beast’s gonna get you
And so Ford whined
At time (1974)

7’ 2
Red eyed view
Gray fur hue
A stench to halt pursuits
Ford didn’t care
‘bout accuracy
Man in Ghillie Suit?

[Film is no proof]

Fantasy
Swamp Beast’s gonna get you
And so Ford whined
(No sightings in decades is reality)
Secuity code for this parody is GRR...!!! Note that the SS/Ahnenerbe Expedition to Tibet also ran into a man-thing (Meh-Teh) which was shot at and fled; however, the leader of the expedition wrote in his findings that it probably was a Tibetan brown bear and NOT a Yeh-teh (Yeti) nor Meh-teh (Meti). The other famous Big Foot film was finally refuted as a confessed hoax just as the Lockness Monster was as well and crop circles. The Chupacabra is still up for debate and the mystery big cat in the UK was determined to be a Pumapard mix.

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Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

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Ray - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Robbie, last I heard of this was a story about a bunch of zoo chimps that supposedly mated with alligators in La.!!! Are southern folks really that naive? Reminds me of the New York 'cocs in the sewers' myth! Btw, you ever heard of a flying rod organism?
Patrick - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Do you remember the flying saucer/UFO "flap" of 1965. I had a cheap box camera then. My brother found the filter from a vacuum cleaner. He threw it in the air and I took pictures. Looked just like the ones in the science magazines and newspapers of the time. UFO sightings were on the nightly news TV shows, just before Vietnam became the all-inclusive topic.
Rob Arndt - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
@Ray, yes, the flying rods are both cryptid organisms and mysterious metallic UFOs as well! @Patrick, b/c I specialize in terrestrial disc craft and esp. German flugscheiben, the entire UFO debate cannot be discussed here due to lack of space, so I'll respectfully decline to comment on the full chronological histories, even of the Reich. But I will say that 80% of UFO reports remain solved fairly quickly, leaving 20% of which 10% are solved as blatant hoaxes and another 5% as elaborate hoaxes solved by evolving scientific methods for evaluation over time, leaving 5% of which an estimated 3% are man-made special blackcraft sightings, leaving just 2% unsolved. To say alien beings visit this planet thousands of times a year all over the globe and have done so throughout history w/o ever making any contact is just ludicrous. Descriptions are fanciful too from Aryan-looking Venusian Nordics-to Grays- to Reptilians and Phaetons (Sp?)!!! Several abduction claims, experientations, cow multilations, anal probing, and occult connections just serve to confuse the general populace. The USAF and US Govt. for the record LOVE the tabloid and newspaper reports as free disinformation concerning their black projects or SAPs originating from Third Reich research in WW2 and progressing into very dark conspiracy theories that get into Biblical prophecies of latter day false signs and wonders that the Beast will use to usher in the New Age. I tend to stay away from those ideas and stick to man-made machines that were projects or were built and flew here and there. As for spin-off alien tech, the history of lasers, microchips, transistors, etc... is already proven man-made. Stealth is German since WW1 and so are energy weapons like EM Wave cannon, electrostatic weapons, lasers, and even a phaser (PHASed Energy Rectifier) with the Donar KSK on the Haunebu I (twin 60mm tungsten rod delivered). The Germans and Japanese also had full microwave weapons tech. Add that the Kenneth Arnold sighting was of a group of flying wings and NOT "flying saucers" (a term coined by a reporter) and that the Roswell plane was a delta with a detached cockpit and not even a circular craft... well, sci-fi period movies and the media have painted a rather bad picture of non-existant alien technology. Movies about life on Mars and on Europa stir the imagination but remain unproven theories just like evolution. Darwin's survival of the fittist is shot-down by the multitudes that self-sacrificed to save large groups of others and all the heros of all time that risk their life daily so that others can live. The Nazis used quantum physics, German enginering, Tesla's captured works, and unorthodox science to build a range of disc fans, jet discs, unmanned types, and EMG driven types using Schumann SM-Levitors as well as an internal mass-reduction system. This tech took decades to perfect and the result for the USAF is the $3 billion TR-3B ASTRA, a transatmospheric LEO weapons platform running off a MFD which has ASAT and IOD capabilities. USAF admitted German disc craft in 1995 after 50 years of staunch denials. Roswell has THREE Official USAF reports in almost 7 decades now... can't wait for the FOURTH!!! And like Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that!"
Phil Alexander - February 26, 2014 - Report this comment
"Darwin's survival of the fittist is shot-down by the multitudes that self-sacrificed to save large groups of others and all the heros of all time that risk their life daily so that others can live."
Try reading The Selfish Gene - IIRC there's a chapter on altruism and heritability from which you might learn something. As for
"Movies about life on Mars and on Europa stir the imagination but remain unproven theories just like evolution"
..I guess those who don't want to see evidence are perfectly capable of remaining utterly blind to what is in front of them. Anyone with eyes to see and a brain to analyse what they have seen will conclude that evolution has happened; Darwin suggested a simple and elegant mechanism for that. The evidential support is overwhelming; unlike life on Mars or Europa, oddly enough.

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