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Song Parodies -> "Small Parasite Not Cool"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Small Parasite Not Cool"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The McDonnell XF-85 Goblin was a postwar attempt at a parasite escort fighter for the B-36. It basically was a midget at 21' long with 21' wingspan and height of 11'. It weighed about 5600 lbs and was powered by a 2995 lb st Westinghouse J34 engine. For stability, it needed 6 tails in X-configuration (3 up top, 3 below). It needed no wheels as it was to be recovered in- flight with a nose hook that was retractable; but in case that failed, production machines would have fitted a ski/skid underneath as with the Me-163 of WW2. Fuel was low at 200 gals for 30 mins operating time including the recovery! Combat aircraft would have had 4x .50 cal MGs with a couple hundred rounds each. Pilot had to be 5' 8" and under 200 lbs to fit into the stubby aircraft. The loading required a pit that the bomber rolled over and then the XF-85 was loaded which was the first inconvenience. The second was that the recovery effort interfered with the bomber's duties. The third was that the problem of stability for the 2 craft and severe buffeting were never going to be solved. And fourth, the tiny jet needed as much work as regular jet fighters! The single XF-85 flew 12 times and crashed 4 times! Another was completed, but never flew. Eventually the USAF gave up on parasites, the only real working one being the RF-84K Thunderflash for extended recon carried by the B-36. Prior to these the British, Russians, and Germans all tried parasites (the Japanese Ohka being a suicide machine/manned bomb)...
Small parasite not cool
waste of time

B-36 fighter, little fuel
Bomb bay tryin’
30 mins flyin’

Goblin was a small jet
Mini all around
6 tails kept it steady
Trapeze act to pull up, let it down

[Severe buffeting made it unsound]

Small parasite not cool
Was waste of time
Declined

Low on fuel
Ammo too
Miniscule
Span and length were the same (21’)
No wheels to spare
Just bolt on a ski(d)
Small frame was lame

[“Flea” was nickname]

Lunacy!
Small parasite not cool
Was waste of time
(Tested by Brits, Russians, and Germans previously)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Patrick - February 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Many years ago I saw a model airplane on the counter of a hobby store. It was short, stubby, and in fact, looked almost like a parody of a jet fighter, such as one might see today in one of those animated toy movies. Turned out it was a Goblin, and, except for the battery powered flapping wings, was a credible replica of a real experimental jet. Last year i saw one of the few surviving B-36 bombers on display at a museum in Omaha. Too bad they didn't have a Goblin to go with it. I would feel sorry for the poor fellow that had to fly it. The X-1 rocket plane flown by Chuck Yeager was a success, but it was dropped in peacetime over a desert, where it was only expected to surpass the speed of sound and then land like a conventional plane. The pilot of the X-85 would have had to contend with MiG fighters over hostile territory then quickly return to his "mother" ship, or else end up at best as a prisoner of the communists. A Hurricane pilot launched by catapult from a cargo ship had a better chance. The Oka pilot was basically a guidance system. Modern electronics could have replaced him. A fellow I used to work with said his dad was on a US Navy ship which was struck by a Kamikaze plane during the war. Reportedly the Japanese pilot survived the crash and was seen being treated in sick bay. Ever hear of such a story?
Rob Arndt - February 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Patrick, the only flying Kamikaze that survived had his port wing shot to sh-t and his canopy shattered. Not able to control the Ohka, he jumped at low level and the plane smashed into a mast and then exploded aft of the ship. Can't recall the pilot's name but any Kamikaze that survived was shamed back home. Lots were trained and then the war ended before they could fly and others were bolted into their cockpits but bad weather forced them to belly-land back home. There is no official record of a surviving Kamikaze that actually hit a ship. The man I recall bailed out- no parachute into the water several hundred feet! Note that the Germans rammed aircraft with Fw-190s but their dedicated suicide pilots for the Reichenberg R.IV never flew into combat- even the SS didn't like that plan. Hanna Reitsch flew two suicide planes near the end of the war. one was the aforementioned piloted V-1 and the other was the Me-328 to be launched by Do-217 aircraft OR carried by strategic bomber to NYC! Only the Ju-390 could have made that trip and would have been shot down as fuel consumption rose drastically above 20,000 ft!!! The slow Me-328 would have been picked off quickly. Here is a pic
http://www.warbirdsresourcegroup.org/LRG/images/me328-1.jpg

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