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Song Parodies -> "Some Weird Arachnid Spools"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Some Weird Arachnid Spools"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Even since the late 20th century there have been attempts made to make new bullet-proof vests for combat troops as well as the rich that depend on VIP protection. Several western and eastern labs have been working with arachnofiber vests with spider silk which is the greatest load bearing substance in the word and is 12-25x stronger than steel depending on the type! This means that a heavy Kevlar threat level 3 with insert can be replaced with a spider silk vest that weighs less and is stronger. Silk packs can also be used by SFs to ruin access to vehicles and entry ways and snare enemies! I do not know how far they are militarily by now, but several arachnofiber vests have been sold to the Saudis at $250,000 each!!! These are capable of taking all pistol, rifle, and grenade schrapnel. They can defeat any knife. A flak sized vest can stop a .50 cal but one could still die from internal injuries of the KE force. This biotech is being considered for some supersoldiers while in Europe nanofiber is 27x steel and cheaper to make. Interesting to see who gets it first. The Germans use articulated and laminate armor for IDZ troops. New helmets are polyfenol.
Some weird arachnid spools
stretching lines

Bullet-proof clothing, BDUs
A-fiber strivin’
Wear (tear), depriving

[Fire denying]

Intermeshing snug-fit
Cocoon all around
Spider silk is handy
The greatest load-bearing stuff around

[Impact resistant with fast slow-downs]

Some weird arachnid spools
New stretching lines
Since ‘99

Tech is cool
Silk packs too
But costs a lot to make
Comfort to wear
Provides security
$250 thou (each)!!!

[Test vests out now]

Some weird arachnid spools
New stretching lines
(Flak size can stop a .50)
Note: It is hoped that entire military and police clothing of the future can be made from this material for protection. Light as '80s parachute pants but stronger than steel! Reminds me of that Alec Guinness movie "The Man in the White Suit."

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 3.9

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Daryl - January 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Gives a whole new meaning to "webbing!!!" What are the Spiderman applications ;-)
Rob Arndt - January 28, 2014 - Report this comment
I should have done this one as "Spidersheik!!!" The Saudis get all the good stuff :)
Patrick - January 28, 2014 - Report this comment
I'll think twice before I step on a spider. He just might save my life some day.
Rob Arndt - January 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Note: Reminds me that the first true body armor sets originated in WW2 from the Japanese (of all people)!!! The US hastily produced thousands of copies for the invasion of Japan that never took place. After the war with no rquirement, the personal protection dropped and then was revived later in the 20th century with SFs and to counter sniper fire from frequent hot spots in the world. Most full sets with max. protection look like modern Roman centurion articulated! As for bio military aids in WW2, the Japanese also crushed bioluminescent organisms in glass to make the first glow sticks. Both of these facts are generally little-to-unknown. The Germans simply made the first prototype APCs to carry troops and toyed with sonoluminescence for Baltic use.

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