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Song Parodies -> "Tank was Speaking to You"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Tank was Speaking to You"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The French Leclerc MBT was almost the last of the next-gen tanks to appear after the Leo II, M-1 Abrams, and Challenger II. Like those western tanks, the improved AMX-48 featured a new 120mm main gun, SLC armor, a 1500 hp turbo diesel engine with back-up turbine, and weighed in around 60 tons. The crew is just 3 instead of 4 due to an autoloader for the 40 rounds and the tank has hydro-pneumatic suspension to raise or lower it. A vast improvement over the older AMX-30B, the Leclerc also featured something borrowed from Airbus tech- a voice command interactive system. In planes, this tells the pilots to pull-up and issues other warnings. For the tank the ISB system was a soothing female voice that became known as “Isabeau” (Isabel) after the acronym. Isabeau at first was received well and could operate even under war conditions. But soon the crews got distracted with the interactive system and lost concentration. The systems had been installed in the 1990s but were removed sometime later. Crews had chalked feminine nude shapes for the Isabel entity in and on the tanks and were constantly either joking about her or interacting in an unprofessional manner disturbing to the commanders of the tanks. She was to be replaced by a robotic male voice but the idea was scrapped. The German Leo II latter tanks feature a male robotic voice for systems analysis but are not tied to any defensive suite.
Tank was speaking to you
blew the mind

French Leclerc offered something new
Crews were freakin’
“Isabeau” speakin’

Was no demand for it
Soft, female voice sounds
Could cause a distraction
It was meant to calm the crew down

[Sexual visualizations found]

Tank was speaking to you
It blew the mind
OOAK

Main gun- improved
Armor- blocks too
Power- it moved
So why the female voice?
Audio love affairs
Crewman not at ease
Guys were enticed...

[New battle vice]

Was talking
Tank was speaking to you
It blew the mind
(Even while fighting)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 5
 5
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rob Arndt - January 22, 2014 - Report this comment
Note: SLC armor means Steel/Laminate/Composite. Forgot to mention that. OOAK= One of a Kind, but that should be obvious! And I'll add another odd fact for tanks in the modern era- German tank commanders are taught NOT to stick their heads out of the tank during combat to call the shots visually as in WW2. They have to rely on their rangefinder, optics, and gunner! The German commanders complain that the Israelis do it all the time with the Merkava MBTs. The French do it too in Africa with many armed AFVs. The Leclerc is in the top 5 tanks in the world after the Leo IIA-7++, the M-1A-2++ Abrams, the Japanese Type 90, and Challenger II. Leclerc became operational in 1992, 13 years after the Leo II, Abrams, and Challenger. Japanese Type 90 is basically a Japanese Leo II tank version with indigenous hydro-pneumatic suspension and an autoloader. FYI
Patrick - January 22, 2014 - Report this comment
From what I've read, the female voice is used in these command situations because a tank or aircrewman is more likely to hear and respond to it, rather that to a robotic male voice.
Sam Hill - January 22, 2014 - Report this comment
Hell of a parody, Robert. Give yourself another handful of 5s.
Rob Arndt - January 23, 2014 - Report this comment
30 hits, 9 votes, 2 negative 1-bombs, and 7 positive. WTF???
Sam Hill - January 23, 2014 - Report this comment
Other submissions on the same day received no more than 3 straight 5s and 5 votes. You now have 10 votes with 8 straight 5s. This is a consistent phenomenon. A 1-bomb is quickly countered by enough straight 5s to keep your average above 4. WTF, indeed, especially for inferior parodies. And for God's sake, don't write a chest-thumping, unspaced, lengthy essay in response. NFR.
Rob Arndt - January 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Give it a rest SH(-T Talker), you obviously haven't been on AiR very long to make such stupid accusations. Any political parody or cultural parody (racism, Islam, etc...) can get 20+ 5s and 1-bomb combos for those that like the topic or are offended by it. Nothing new at all. I now have 42 hits, so 12 more and only 1 more 555 after a day. I can't control when or who votes nor why, but many 555 votes are counter votes to 111s based on ideology wars, silent support for friends or topics... duh... you ever thought of that or see it in action? I have given 555s on others' parodies to counter 111s. I have done it for Max Power when he was cyber-bullied here and I have done it for CML and others over Rightwing politics and foreign policy, for gun advocacy, etc... so others do it too. I also have my own crew that is loyal to me and will back me up. Anyone can vote here, even non-parodists. The only thing I do on my parodies is defend my threads from blatant personal attacks which are verboten by the comment rules. No censorship, just valid complaints of profanity, vulgarity, and libel/labeling. You would think the high vets would follow the rules of AiR, but they don't. The preach and are hypocrites, 5'ing their own pals who may or may not in many cases deserve that rating. Not everything they write is gold, that's just common sense and is empirically evident in most cases. Even JAB has drawn low numbers and 1-bomb hits and the 1-bombers were here long before I came here in 2011. You can see it on many high vet author sheets. I know that when I get here with 10-15 votes that I am already 1-bombed and then others join in throughout the day. The number of hits depends on the comments page battles and are personal. And who cares what day it is? Not a factor at all b/c it depends on numeric order, topic, and who is and is not onsite for that day. The number one parody at the top of the list typically gets more views than those at the bottom, esp. on a long list day. When it's 1-2 parodies then it is a battle between me (who posts everyday) and possibly a high vet who doesn't like me. We both seem to get instant 5s and then the bombs start coming in on both sides. I certainly have those that like my parodies of war and guns and whatever... but few comment with the personal vendettas going on. I don't comment much myself and have rated people 5s. I only comment if I have something to say... NFR
Phil Alexander - January 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Do you have any evidence to back up the accusation of hypocrisy? If not, keep your assertions to yourself, as an unprejudiced observer might just detect a whiff of double-standards about your own complaints.

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