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Song Parodies -> "Welrod Put to Good Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Welrod Put to Good Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Welrod silenced pistol was developed by Station IX at the request of SOE. By '42 a facility at Welwyn had developed a rather lightweight (2.5 lbs) pistol in either 9mm or 32 ACP that could be broken down into 2 parts (mag/grip + rest of the gun). It was easy to conceal for resistance fighters all over Europe and was dead silent with integral silencer. The mag could hold 6 rds but the operation was weird. The butt knob was twisted and then the bolt was manually moved forward which chambered a single round and cocked the striker. Then the knob was twisted again to lock and the firer moved his hand to the grip which released the rear safety once gripped firmly. Then a trigger pull. The pistol was ported ahead of the silencer to reduce the 9mm velocity to subsonic and further quiet the pistol ahead of the baffles of the cylindrical silencer which covered the barrel. There was a horizontal lever below the trigger to release the mag as well. This weapon as Mk. 1 and modified Mk.II was issued to resistance fighters and British SOE as well as American OSS... but was primarily used in Denmark for some reason. After the war, the Welrod ceased being produced by BSA and a Mk.III was invented for fighting in the Falklands and N Ireland. Supposedly, a Mk.IV was made for "Desert Storm" usage. No manufacturing logos were ever put on the weapons, just a serial number on the bottom of the silencer near the front.
Welrod put to good use
7.65 (or 9)

Station IX for resistance use
Silenced weapon
Concealed protection

SOE demanded it
Lightweight/2 part/sound
Contact could be deadly
Point blank range could take a soldier down

[Or close range firing without a sound]

Welrod put to good use
In 7.65 (or 9)
All climes

Danish use
Falklands too
Irish blues
And used in Desert Storm
Handled with care
Had longevity
In ‘42 was born

[No markings norm]

Mk.I- III
Welrod put to good use
In 7.65 (or 9)
(OSS also used frequently)
Additional info: In the 1990s in the US a group of female bikers calling themselves the "Iron Coven" made a variation of the Welrod based on schematics and called it "The Coil Snake." A few were captured in a police raid on the group.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Right - January 09, 2014 - Report this comment
Comments like the one from "Righteous" there make me think of the old Gahan Wilson comic which shows a doomsayer with a sign in one hand that asserts "The world is coming to an end!" and the other hand on the trigger handle of one of those old-fashioned dynamite plungers attached to some wires running off-screen. If the world's not coming to an end yet, he can remedy that...!
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2014 - Report this comment
Note: The inventor of the Welrod also invented a WW2 "Sleeve Gun!!!"
Patrick - January 10, 2014 - Report this comment
Interesting weapon, though typically complex as a British weapon. Its use in Northern Ireland and elsewhere would, of course, be "hushed up". What was the name of the Enfield rifle rechambered to .45 ACP with integral silencer? I owned a replica once, non functional silencer, but .45 can be loaded very quiet.
Rob Arndt - January 10, 2014 - Report this comment
That would have been the De Lisle Silent Carbine that was an Enfield rifle converted over to fire .45 ACP and which used a Thompson SMG barrel and which had a long, integral Maxim-style silencer. The only sounds heard were of the striker hitting the cap and of course the reloading of the rifle with the bolt action. It weighed approx. 8 lbs, had a barrel length of 8", overall length of 38", and MV of 853 fps. Good for 300 yards max. Was remanufactured in the 1980s for counter-insurgency work and also for collectors. Used by Commandos in WW2. Original design had a wood stock but parachutist version had a folding metal one. Mag was 8-rd Colt M1911A!!!
Rob Arndt - January 12, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey Patrick, have you ever heard of or seen the High Standard silenced pistol? In 1926 High Standard was formed for making gun parts and by 1932 had bought out Hartford Arms that made a simple .22 cal recreational pistol that was bought by the US Army as a training weapon. By 1940 some of these were converted over to OSS weapons with integral silencer for use in clandestine operations. I don't recall the Germans mentioning it, but regardless it was used overseas. Postwar in the 1950s it once again was converted for Olympic shooting. I think the calibers were .22 and .32...

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