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Song Parodies -> "Cryptid of '42"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Cryptid of '42"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Off the coast of S Africa on September 18, 1942 a German U-boat crew spotted an unusual shark off to its port side. It had a huge dorsal fin and span of 64 ft between that and its tailfin, so it had to be huge! Some speculated that this was proof that the Megalodon shark still existed. Other cryptids the Germans investigated in WW2 were the Pantawolf sightings in Argentina when SS missions sent them there at the end of the war and also a horned furry creature in Norway during the occupation!!!
Cryptid of ‘42
U-boat side

Near S Africa and in view
Fin span was long
A Megalodon?

64 (ft) measurement
Between fins was found
This shark was a baddie
Crewman grabbed some film, shot it port/down

[Wanted to kill it, take it aground]

Cryptid of ‘42
Off U-boat side
For time

Nazi views
Scared the crew
Circled too
And then it disappeared
Was real- they swore
Discussed in ‘43
Their claims ignored

[No more proof scored]

Cryptid of ‘42
Off U-boat side
(Like Pantawolf, was denied)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   20

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - January 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Forgot to mention that on the SS/Ahnenerbe expedition to Tibet they ran into the legendary Meh-Teh (roughly translated as Man-Thing) and fired on it. It fled. They were searching for passageways into the Inner Earth. Sounds bizarre, but truth is stranger than fiction with the Nazi occult which includes worship of the Black Sun and ties with Vril power. Hitler DID manage to obtain ONE occult item in his global search- The Spear of Destiny taken from a museum in Vienna during the Anschluss. When the US Army liberated that on April 30, 1945 Hitler supposedly killed himself within 1 hour. Patton made sure it was returned to Austria.
Callmelennie - January 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Almost lost this one in the crush of New Year's parodies ;-D
Rob Arndt - January 01, 2014 - Report this comment
I thought for sure CML that you would have a parody about Obamacare to ring in the New Year of 2014!!! Was surprised about only 2 submissions for today. I write everyday, regardless of events, so I knew mine would be there... but what happened to everyone else today?
Callmelennie - January 01, 2014 - Report this comment
My point, exactly. I've never seen only two submissions posted. That's got to be a record low, cause the only way to break it would be to post just one .... You know, sort of like how Johnny Van der Meer's record of back to back no-hitters will never be broken, seeing as how, in order to break it you'd have to throw three consecutive no-hitters
Jubilation T. Cornpone - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Strained Vandermeer analogy, CML. Could be that even the current crop of AIR mediocrities is weary of dull word substitutions by Nazi fans; medieval bible thumpers; self-indulgent, record-seeking purveyors of the occult; Doomsday prophets; right-wing haters, using juvenile and over-exploited OS's; and quotidian talentless drones. A drone is a male bee whose only job — and only purpose in life — is to fertilize the queen bee's eggs (or to give straight fives to pals). They do not try to innovate but to just get through each day.
Rob Arndt - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Amazing how people that don't use their own S/Ns nor real names or offer their own author sheets can be so critical of another's works! JYC is Puppet #??? And if he/she feels so bad about my almost 2300 parodies and this parody, where exactly was his/hers for January 1st? I could use a long list of adjectives to describe this person too IF that person had the guts to post under their own name... but he/she is spineless and resorts to commentary, and base barbs to attack. Notice that when called upon to post author sheets such individuals become muted and shrink back into the woodwork (or crawl back under the rock they came from)! I make no apologies for being a historian of the Third Reich, being into eschatology, seeking to break my own numeric records here, talking about the demise of the US and the world, being a member of the GOP (more moderate now than right-wing), and using serial songs just as other vets here do (Beatles, Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and a long list of the same songs parodied over-and-over again). To claim I am talentless is refuted by my author page and by my Fragment dominance which an Editor chooses- almost all of mine have been posted and that's over 100+. I do not try to get through each day, am just worn out by daily postings for 33 mos straight (another record). Went from 25 parodies a week down to 8 avg. 2300 parodies is a lot to accomplish in a shorter time than the top vets that have taken 8-10 years to do so, or less. I remain the Number 3 Top Parodist and the Number 6 Top Contributor simultaneously. JTC is NOT any rival to me in either category. I suggest he/she stop whining and just write parodies; after all, I do not prevent anyone from writing on any day. We all have to write and submit to stay active... and YES, I have a life. I partied too AND still managed 1 parody for yesterday and 2 for today. Rest of you folks, hope you had a Happy New Year. I wish you peace, prosperity, and good health :)
Apassionata von Climax - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
No candid and severe critic reveals his/her identity, owing to the obvious fact that said critic's subsequent parodies would be given nothing but 1s by the anonymous rabble. Get real: It does not take talent to get published here.
Rob Arndt - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Another excuse-maker. Get real, it happens anyway to almost everyone that submits. I have been 1-bombed by two bombers since Feb '13 and now that TT died, amazingly my 5s are back and just one 1-bomber! Coincidence? I don't know but my author sheet has also been hit and neither type of bombing ever stops me from writing daily. All that you have shown is that you are weak. Btw, it takes less talent to froth commentary all day ;-)
WarrenB - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob, are you seriously suggesting that TT 1 bombed you? Do you have any proof? If you don't have any evidence, I suggest you retract your petty insinuation. If you're going to defend yourself against someone who's looking to get a rise out of you, don't pull in people who are irrelevant to your argument and accuse them of something of which you have no proof.378
Pretty lame, Rob.
Rob Arndt - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Warren, there are many here who have played bombing games and not one person in my book is above suspicion. Can you prove TT never bombed anyone or any of the top, regular posters that have done it systematically? Others have openly accused some vets of 1-bombing while people like MP, TSB, and Jeff in Va. have openly 1-bombed over political ideologies or for fun (reported TSB several times for bombing comments). OMR declines 1-bombing, but others believe he has and there is language used in several anonymous comments followed by 1-bombs that are the same as or mimic 3 other parodists I know that either threatened to leave the site or have left (or may be lurking and bombing). Having spent 14 years on a high-traffic NG that was unmoderated, I see the same patterns emerging here. I just stated what happened... been bombed by two 1-bombers per day avg and then TT died and suddenly all's quiet on the parody front and now was down to one 1-bomber a day or none. You reach your own conclusions. TT DID attack me verbally several times over the last 33 mos and criticized me and I fired right back. His footnotes were nothing to me and his style was nothing Weird Al or any professional parodist would sing. Same goes for most of this site. The parodies are average at best and are mostly not funny, just sarcastic and based on current events. When Weird Al starts singing about absinthe and churls, I'll retract!!!
WarrenB - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
You have an odd book.
Suspicion is not truth. Insinuation is not truth. Allegation is not truth. Because you suspect it doesn't mean it's true.
Can I prove that these people didn't do it? You do understand that the burden of proof is on the accuser and not on the accusee (of course, if you're a dictator, burden of proof isn't needed to convict). Sure, this is no court of law, but you are accusing someone of something that can neither be proven or disproven by you. Patterns or no patterns. It's irrelevant. It's like the political echo chamber. If you repeat it often enough, there's hope that it will be accepted as gospel. Can you prove to me that you are not Gozer the destroyer who bides his time in a major appliance? You can't, and it's an unfair and silly accusation to suggest you are Gozer.
Frankly, Rob, these War and Peace length rebuttals of yours are as tiresome as the troll magnets you've attracted. And there's little need to defend yourself and your badge of plenty. We know you write a lot. We get it. We see it. All the time. There's no need to accuse people of things of which there is no proof. It sounds like you only want to sully someone's status while lifting your star higher. Please refrain. It's petty and reeks of self-importance.
Rob Arndt - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Warren, for someone who has been called highly intelligent, TT had to lift some info from Wiki on the SR-71 on one of my parodies of that aircraft. That literally made me LOL b/c I have done a walk-around of the Habu under armed guard when its inertial and celestial guidance systems were classified and the M-16A2 wasn't even issued!!! The SR performance records are still classified and yet I am familiar with the aircraft's flight performance envelope in real numbers. And it was never replaced by MILSAT tech at all. So TT wasn't that smart after all. As for burden of proof on a site like this- not required. I can post a slam on Obama tomorrow and be assured that I will be bombed 100%. If MP or Jeff in Va. are online that's two automatic 1-bombs right there. One would have to be pretty naive to believe that someone with cancer is on the one hand capable of writing huge artistic parodies... and yet is somehow incapable of hitting 111 and SEND!!! I'm willing to bet that a majority of the top regular vets have bombed other parodists at certain times over certain views or even systematically out of some dislike of one or more authors. It is a given with all the activity here and views written. I did very well my first two years here but after so much criticism from the artistic types and self-proclaimed pacing cops, I let loose and then the 1-bombing campaigns started. They thought they could force me off-site since around 1900 parodies. So far, they accomplished nothing as I am up almost 400 parodies and still going strong. I see since you made your comment about TT that I received four 1-bombs. Can I assume that you not only made your comment clear but that you gave a 1-bomb rating as well over my comment? Be honest now... if you have the guts to. Any 1-bomb is supposed to be over the parody and who else do you know here who would ever write about a cryptid near a U-boat during war!!! No one. Regardless, I soldier on. No amount of bombing will deter me from writing parodies as I am now :)
Apassionata von Climax - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob, can't you let TT rest in peace? "At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"
By the way, your 5s, denoting the highest achievement in pacing and humor, far exceed your 1s. Aren't you just a bit embarrassed about being 5 bombed?
Rob Arndt - January 02, 2014 - Report this comment
AVC, I DID show mercy by not tearing TT apart over any of his stupid military comments and info-lifting from Wiki. He had no clue in my realm and I left him alone. But if someone is gonna slam me on talking ill of the dead, then let me recap his brutal criticisms of people that didn't measure up to his self-obsessed pacing standards and refs to his guide. He was nothing but another self-appointed pacing cop and site celeb wannabe. Call me what you want but I've dealt with thousands of trolls, flamers, and sock puppets online. There is nothing on AiR that is any different from any high-traffic NG, forum, or other site where there is a comments section. TT hurt other peoples' feelings and showed them no mercy. Where was his decency with newbies and those less-capable than himself? I see a double standard just b/c he succumbed to his disease. I also have multiple illnesses and help people almost daily and give to vast charities that help millions. I always volunteer to help the disabled and yet people here call me Nazi based on TR extensive knowledge. Another recently started a verbal battle over a supersonic propeller and was proven wrong. Not my fault I know more. For the record, I just try to write everyday about whatever comes to mind. My parodies for tomorrow are on my first motorcycle and maybe about the cloppers Max mentioned. No agenda at all. Do people give me a break? No. NFR
WarrenB - January 03, 2014 - Report this comment
If I have have the guts to? What is this, bravado? A verbal gauntlet? Just some words that you felt were cool to write?
Wow. And the swipes at TT? Soldier on, Rob. The more you write, the more you reveal yourself. Amazing.
Rob Arndt - January 03, 2014 - Report this comment
@Warren... I told the unflattering truth about TT. His self-importance and high opinion of himself was fact and his remarks to many authors here were condescending to say the least. He patronized scores of people and was unapologetic. So I'm supposed to pity him now that's he's deceased? Sorry- No. On an unmoderated site the wolves would have torn him to shreds. And YES, I asked you a valid Q? Did you 1-bomb me over my comment(s) or not? I revealed myself as an author that didn't think it "cool" to hit my cryptid parody over the comment box. @AVC- reported for libel and personal attack. Since you know nothing of my life, let me clarify some things for you. 1) I was not born in Germany, but am a blood German who identifies as German and not German-American b/c I do not like hyphenate identifications. My character reflects Germanic thought and actions, 2) I feel no guilt over something I was not a part of. The Nazi regime was based on the occult of Thule and Vril and its symbol was a Hakenkreuz not a Swastika as they are based on two different wheels and their histories are thousands of years apart. My praise of German weaponry and innovation is nothing new and can be found in books around the world that deal with the history of weapons development (one cannot deny German excellence in that field, it is a fact). 3) I never claimed to be a scholar, just a historian... and even the experts argue amongst themselves based on the "facts" of the time. I can tell you that most historians are not experts at all with WW2 b/c much of German history and technology is still classified and so all we have to go on is official "victor-song" history that downplays or omits German tech and anti-Nazi efforts during WW2 not only to save Jews but kill Hitler many times (not just July 20, 1944), and 4) My charity-giving spans the globe and my life and meets all level of needs from local to community, community to state, state to nation, international, and ecological. Israel's portion is 3 charities out of 32 worldwide, so do the math and from history we know Israel had a kingdom while the ancient Philistines controlled 5 coastal cities and were slaves of the Egyptians used to garrison Canaan before the Hebrew slaves took over. Even after being dispersed in 70AD by the Romans, Jews still were a remnant and the Arabs did nothing with the land. It is Israel, reborn in 1948, that made the desert bloom and built that nation. The Arabs that claim Palestine came from 19th and 20th century Jordan and Egypt in an attempt to block spreading "Zionism." You obviously don't know history very well and yet have the audacity to knock me. No wonder you post under a puppet name. What incarnation can I expect of you with your next reply??? And btw, puppet talk speaks volumes of your lack of willingness to confront someone as you are. If your convictions are that strong be a man or woman and print your own name. Or else relegate yourself to coward status.
WarrenB - January 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Where shall I start?

TT disliked you and you disliked him? Don't care. Being torn to shreds by another site? Don't care and irrelevant. This is AmIRight, not Reddit. Whether you write 10 parodies or 10,000? Don't care. Whether it matters that you write about Nazis, nematodes, or necrophilia? Don't care. Writing preambles and postrambles that look like a vomited Encyclopedia Britannica? Don't care. Calling out trolls? Don't care. Many of us deal with them. Handle them how you wish, so bon appetit.

Making insinuations and accusations and having nothing with which to prove them except coincidences and theories? I do care. We've been graciously granted this space to write what we wish, to mock what we want, to vent what we need. There is no need to make an unprovable accusation against a known author who wrote or still writes on this site, whether the author is a saint or a sinner. If you feel a need to accuse to make your case, take it somewhere else. It doesn't belong here.

BTW, I do not know where your 1's came from. Don't care. And do I know where the 1's came from that I received soon after I posted on this thread? Don't care.
WarrenB - January 04, 2014 - Report this comment
My apologies for the assumption. Your name is not a familiar one to me.
As to stopping your contributions, I recommend you get back on the keyboard and start contributing again. This site needs more writers. We have some really good ones here, but their output, like mine, is often sporadic (silly job...).
Don't give in to the weenies. The best defense is to continue writing.
Patrick - January 04, 2014 - Report this comment
Now that he is gone, I can reveal that TT threatened to break off our email correspondence if I mentioned RA or his works in my daily chat. AIR is an entertainment medium, for the authors as well as for those who read our output. I don't believe TT would bother to 111 anybody. When he found fault with my two back to back versions of "American Pie", he told me he only read the first line, found the pacing off, and did not read the rest of the parody. He did crank out footnotes far in excess of the length of the parodies themselves. I have yet to read them. I do not find the rating system to be of any value, and do not rate anyone numerically. "How Funny", for example, leaves out parodies with somber or serious intent. These are perfectly valid purposes for writing lyrics. I think TT had good intentions. I miss him and many other writers who have left or come here only occasionally. My economic situation precludes regular submissions. When I do post something, I want it to be good. I would rather read about a Nazi secret weapon than about excrement. Flatulence is not particularly funny, though some writers find it so. TT was a couple years older than me, so his musical tastes were a bit different. He didn't seem to keep up with the newer material. I find most new music too painful to listen to, though a gem such as "Home" or "Some Nights" might show up once in a while. Who knew TT, really? He had a job or business to attend to, and his declining health. We all have our challenges, our individual tastes, and talents. On the SR-71, I think TT was making a bit of a cutting remark that there are other original songs than "I Put A Spell On You". This was something he had a bit of a problem with. He thought I was "lazy" for doing 30+ parodies of various songs in the vein of "If xxx Wrote 'Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald'". This was because I did not go back and rewrite the original songs to the melody of WOTEF. So I did it, once. That took a lot of work. And, does anyone here really want to hear (read) "Galveston" or "Up, Up and Away" to Gordon Lightfoot's lugubrious melody? What good is posting anything if no one reads it?
Stunned Onlooker - January 04, 2014 - Report this comment
You wrote: “I've dealt with thousands of trolls, flamers, and sock puppets online”. Doesn’t that tell you something? Have you never wondered why it’s almost always you that draws all of the flak? I can’t believe you haven’t worked out that it’s your attitude that’s the problem for many. A lot of the regular contributors catch up with what has been going on from the “latest comments” page but, for the past year or so, it has been flooded on an almost weekly basis with your braggadocio about how you dominate in this or that category. No one cares other than yourself. It seems from your statement above that every time you join a site, it’s not long before people turn against you. Why do you think that is? Is it because you constantly drone on and on about how you dominate? You go for the numbers but the majority is just made up of pieces that take 10 minutes or less to write (Spell, WHP, OTRA & commercials). Even if you post a 10,000 total, the content will pale in comparison to that of most of the other long-term writers.

You feel that it’s fine to cast aspersions about TT and yet as soon as something negative is said about you, it’s “reported for libel and personal attack”.

You wrote: “TT died and suddenly all's quiet on the parody front. You reach your own conclusions.” Do you really think that someone with weeks/days to live would waste his last precious moments trolling on an internet site? It sounds like you need to get a firmer grip on reality.

I know you’re going to have this deleted because you can’t handle any form of criticism but at least have a think about why it’s almost always you that draws so much negative attention.
William Shakespeare - January 04, 2014 - Report this comment
"Now that he is gone, I can reveal that TT threatened to break off our email correspondence if I mentioned RA or his works in my daily chat." -- Patrick
"He was nothing but another self-appointed pacing cop and site celeb wannabe." -- Rob Arndt
"The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." -- From "Julius Caesar"
Rob Arndt - January 05, 2014 - Report this comment
Thanks Patrick for your stunning comments on TT. I'm sorry that the guy felt threatened by me and his first comment to me was that I would never be like JAB. I love JAB and his works and I am ME, with my own parody topics and style. I did IPASOY parodies as my first base song for info, and they differ completely from JAB's versions with his amazing artistic-linguistic style. As for the other serial songs mentioned above they amout to roughly 900 of 2300 parodies and I have 405 individual artists- that's more than most of my critics totals! TT also did NOT keep up with all genres, all artists, and time periods... so how can he be considered a parody master? I am an amateur, but cover all of the above and do KPOP as well! As for the accusations of me wasting years bragging about my stats, the fact is that I took verbal abuse from TT, Meriadoc, Al Silver, and Lifeliver and got tired of it. I only started to respond in 2013 and then the systematic 1-bombings started. After TT died, they amazingly went down and now with this thread have gone back up recently per my comments which have nothing to do with a cryptid parody. As for my experience with trolls and flamers, the other commentator obviously has never been on high-traffic hostile NGs nor forums that are unmoderated. One HAS to defend themself and go on the offensive with those formats or be torn to pieces on the intellectual battlefield. I am not a sheep but a wolf and would never want to be a dove when I can be a raptor with sharp claws. I make no apologies for my knowledge base and my methods of offense. But if you leave me alone, I will leave you alone. Attack me and face the consequences. Also, you detractors ignore the fact that lately all sorts of trolls have attacked me as a Nazi, CML as a racist, and have posted very vile comments on various threads against others. That's not my fault. What I detest is that most of this is coming from right here on AiR with disgruntled vets and not outsiders. Like I stated before, I just try to write everyday whatever comes to mind and my stats are good. I too have learned many things from authors here (TY all) and appreciate Patrick's input as a collector, dealer, an operator of firearms. I believe too that some people can like weaponry and history while others prefer to parody the mundane things of ordinary life... and most of what is submitted is taken from the news/current events anyway. Most parodies here aren't even funny at all but sarcastic, witty, gross, morbid, and on _occasion_ bizarre, odd, zany, hilarious, and gut-busting!!! It is sad that TT is gone, but I am not sad over his bad attitude and his treatment of other authors as inferior. The guy wasn't as smart as he made himself out to be via footnotes and was rather rude to myself and others. The person who said that I needed more self-control, wisdom, and judgment should have applied that to TT and to many other high number vets on AiR. My fault is an obsessive-compulsive urge to write everyday. So what? In the grand scheme of things- who cares? If you do not like my materials nor comments, then don't click my links or ignore me on the comments page and rate your buddies 5s. OK???
WarrenB - January 05, 2014 - Report this comment
You make me sad, Rob. You dance around a lot of things, give excuses to your venting (whether warranted or not), and yet do not address the issue I've mentioned from the beginning, the one that was central to all of my postings.
I think I've made it clear that everything else you've said in this thread is not relevant to answering my post. Stop accusing when you do not know. If you suspect, take it to Chucky, or go to the messageboard. It doesn't belong here.
Fire dancer - January 05, 2014 - Report this comment
Isn't all this banter about Mr.Turtle a "dead" issue? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

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