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Song Parodies -> "Killed by a Stiletto"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Killed by a Stiletto"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

For Patrick! This is about the Fairbairn & Sykes Dagger (aka Stiletto) of WW2 that was envisaged pre-war in Shanghai where the two inventors worked for the Metro Police. As WW2 started there was a need for a commando knife and W.E. Fairbairn and E.A. Sykes submitted their modified design which was accepted for service with Brit Commandos, Airborne forces, and SAS as well as some foreign SFs fighting the Germans. The double-edge blade was modified from 5.5" to 6.5" first pattern and then 7" second pattern. It has a sharp, pointy tip for thrusting and a simple guard, with a ring-pattern grip, and a rounded pommel at the end. Many were produced and used in WW2, esp. after D-Day. The knife was made to penetrate 3" of tough clothing before entering the human body. The OSS copied the knife as the OSS Stiletto with slight alterations before moving on to the official M3 Knife. The knife proved very popular and so production continued postwar and is still produced (mostly for collectors)! I had one I got at an auction but liquidated most of my edged weapons after a few decades. The F-S Knife remains probably the most recognized Brit battle knife in their history...???
Killed by a stiletto
thrusting knife

Based on a knife of Shanghai use
Fairbairn & Sykes
For Commando strikes

Was a demand for it
Two patterns made sound
Their use would be deadly
Designed to take German sentries down

[D-Day landings issued all around]

Killed by a stiletto
Brit thrusting knife
Takes lives

With ring grooves
Pommel smooth
Sharp point too
Blade at 7 reachin’
H-T-H scare*
Through tough cloth, inches 3**
Made for breachin’

[Germans screamin']

Killed by a stiletto
Brit thrusting knife
(F-S Knife still used by many)
* Hand-To-Hand combat
** Was tested against sentry overcoats & SS leather

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Patrick - September 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Over the years I have handled many of these, originals and Pakistani copies. Very specialized knife, not for prying open ration tins. Pre-WWII Shanghai must have been a very dangerous place. Saw an article about the police. Chinese carried Colt .380 automatics, Had to remove the magazine before removing from holster at end of shift. Sikhs carried .455 Webleys. Some fancy ritual involved in loading and unloading. Did you ever see a Chinese "Armed Police" knife? They were sold as a novelty about 20 years ago. Blade was partly retracted into handle, extended and locked when pulled from scabbard. Now Chinese cops are getting some sort of .38 revolver, looks like an old Rohm, loaded with rubber bullets.
Rob Arndt - September 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, thanks for your comments. All firearm and edged weaponry parodies will be open to you. I collected knives since a youth but have sold most of my swords and other edged weapons, retaining a few German and oddball designs including a Kugelmesser! The Chinese historically have been armed with an eclectic range of arms, including early Bolo Mausers and specialty modern integral silencer/suppressor Type 64 pistols and rifles. As for the Chinese knife, I've seen a combo gun/knife in 7.65mm... but that's it!
Rob Arndt - September 16, 2013 - Report this comment
The OTHER F-S was the "Smatchet":

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