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Song Parodies -> "Like to Eat Stem-Cell Food?"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Like to Eat Stem-Cell Food?"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

My 600th SJH IPASOY parody!!! So, the lab Geeks grew a burger from cow shoulder stem cells? It was even transparent until they added some beet juice coloring! Texture? Weird. Taste? No fat so apparently artificially flavored to mimick a weak burger. Good news is that PETA is all for it to stop animal abuse and to feed the starving nations with grown meat in factories. Bad news: does not even remotely come close to real meat. Germans tried to make synthetic foods in WW2 and it too ended up nowhere (even though the US tried to make it too through captured documents in the 1950s). A single cow is a couple hundred lbs of meat. One cow's stem cells= tons of meat. Great for Third World nations but definately not up to Japanese, US, and Argentinian meat standards. I'll pass.
Like to eat stem-cell food?
Get in line

It’s the ethical thing to do
PETA happy
Burger is crappy

No real demand for it
Lab Geeks clownin’ around
Cow shoulder was handy
Grown burger had sure drawn a crowd

[Taste? Forget it! No fat in it, just round]

Like to eat stem-cell food?
Must get in line
And whine

New grown food
Global use
No cow abuse
But it still tastes like crap
PETA don’t care
‘bout lab-grown meat
Contains no fat

[A tasteless snack]

Hypocrisy
Like to eat stem-cell food?
Must get in line (to dine)
(PETA likes idea, but still won’t eat meat!!!)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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User Comments

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Patrick - August 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Reminds me of those soy burgers you can buy in some grocery and health-food stores. More nutrition in the cardboard box--and taste, too! UN is telling the world's poor "Let 'em eat bugs".
Rob Arndt - August 08, 2013 - Report this comment
I don't think synthetic foods in any form is ever gonna become popular. Anyone that loves real beef hates Garden Burgers and tasteless crud made from soy or whatever. I like a nice, thick steak with good marbling for good flavor and cooked XXX-rare. If it ain't bleedin', I ain't eatin'.
Patrick - August 08, 2013 - Report this comment
I rarely eat steak because I can't get anyone to cook it thoroughly. I was raised to think of red as raw, and potentially hazardous. It was probably chicken nuggets that did me in last year. Or ground beef. Really like bison (buffalo) burgers, but don't see them all that often, usually just at wild west celebrations. Had a couple at Railroad Days in Topeka last August. Our group is doing a set of shoot-'em up shows in a couple of weeks, so I'll be on the look-out.
Rob Arndt - August 08, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, you should try Ostrich meat if you can get it. It is red and lean and tastes great, better for you. Regarding rare meat, I was raised in a Germanic household where the blood flowed on platters! Meat was always rare and then there all the Wursts and plenty of roast beef with horse radish spread over it. Bison meat is good too but only the restaurant type- the Walmart type is crap. In Sac I go to Fuddrucker's which serves beef, bison, and ostrich in 1/3rd, 1/2, and 1 lb sizes for lunch. Add some fries with hot ranch and a bottled soda of your choice for around $10-13. Although I love red meat, I could eat seafood everyday for life. My local Safeway gets catfish nuggets and I usually buy them out for the month b/c I make battered and lemon pepper catfish. Love Icelandic cod, Maine lobster, and Alaskan snow crab. Shrimp too with added horse radish sauce to the medium cocktail. Mmm...

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