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Song Parodies -> "Red Obscure Tank was Huge"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Red Obscure Tank was Huge"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In 1957 the Kirov Plant in Leningrad started an ultra-heavy tank under designer Troyanov. His design, Object 279, was radically unorthodox as it was meant to survive a nearby tactical nuke explosion! As such it was weighted down by a cast turret with guard ring, an armored elliptical shield, and a 4-track system in two pairs to balance all that weight. The hull was also bow-shaped like a boat with heavy uneven pieces designed to hold the tank down when the shockwave hit!!! The main gun was a 130mm M-65 firing APDS rounds. It had a crew of 4 with secondary armament of a 14.5mm KPVT MG and featured a fire control system that used optical and radar rangefinders for targeting. It had a N-2 night sight with IR searchlight. It's 1000 hp 2DG-8M engine allowed the beast to cross rough terrain of all sorts and also anti-tank obstacles up to 3 ft. It had an NBC compartment and also heating and cooling which was rare in the 1950s. It went through trials in the late 50s but was cancelled in 1959 by Khrushchev and the Kremlin that felt ultra-heavy tanks died out with the German Maus (188-203 tons)!!! The sole survivor sits in the Kubinka armor museum near Moscow. Object 279 was designed for WW3 projected for the 1960s, but that never came...
Red obscure tank was huge
redefined

Object 2-7-9 was new
10 inch plating
130 (mm) mating

It’s shape was astounding
The hull was a bow
4-tracks, it was heavy
1000 hp got it around

[Designed to cover all sorts of ground]

Red obscure tank was huge
Was redefined
To survive

4 man crew
Radar too
IR (night) view
Designed to survive nukes
NBC prepared
Heating and cooling
Kremlin rebuke

[UHT fluke]*

Trials did cease
Red obscure tank was huge
Was redefined
(Sits in Kubinka as museum piece)
*UHT= Ultra-Heavy Tank: http://www.militaryfactory.com/armor/imgs/object-279.jpg

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - February 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Note: Although listed as an Ultra-Heavy Tank, it was only 66 tons. A WW2 King Tiger was 68-70 tons loaded and despite the Object 279 130mm gun and 10" armor, a King Tiger would still have killed it at over 2000+ meters. Postwar, it took a Soviet 152mm test gun to pierce the frontal armor of a King Tiger at near point-blank range. And the Object 279 was vunerable to fire to its dual tracks due to the rectangular box mounts which doubled as fuel tanks!!!

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