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Song Parodies -> "APS Diver Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"APS Diver Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

After the Soviets developed the SPP-1 underwater pistol by 1971, they still feared enemy frogmen attacking their naval bases and the pistol had short range by depth of 6-18m. So an underwater version of the AK was developed at the Tula plant that became operational by 1975. This was a modified type with a massive flat-sided 26 rd magazine that fed 5.66x39mm (120mm long) darts into a non-rifled barrel. A unique gas system helped to fire the weapon which extended depth ranges out from 11m-30m, allowing the Soviet divers to attack enemy suits, armored glass, and special shielded light underwater vehicles! The weapon was functional yet heavy at 8 lbs and the slab-sided mag made weilding it hard in the water. The gun could fire rocket rounds as well that left signs of where the shots originated from! The weapon was exported to Communist satellite nations, but mainly E Germany. W Germany upon reunification shipped them back to the USSR as unwanted and gave some to the Polish Navy. Russian developed an amphibious version as the old APS was almost useless on land due to the unrifled barrel and could only fire 180 rds before the gas system failed with the air. Underwater, the APS could fire 2000 rds before wear set-in. AFAIK, this is the only underwater rifle ever developed (Note: the WW2 German rocket bullet pistol and rifle gun prototypes probably could have fired underwater with slight mods).
APS diver use
since ‘75

Underwater AK hard to use
Heavy and flat
Depth-varied attack

SPP started it
The concept was sound
The pistol was handy
Frogmen didn’t like rifle carried round

[AK-74 was land-bound]

APS diver use
since ‘75
Threat rise

For dual use
For dual use
For dual use
In the water and air
Armed divers
Submerged infantry
Fight anywhere

[Encounters-rare]

Oddity
APS diver use
since ‘75
(Still used by Russian Navy)


http://world.guns.ru/userfiles/images/assault/as69/aps.jpg

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - Unlike the Pentagon, this parody was delivered as promised on time. Bad Pun Alert: Who invented the German underwater weapon? Albert "Spear"! ;D
Patrick - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Sounds a bit more promising than training dolphins with giant switchblades to attack enemy divers. I can't imagine the unified Bundeswehr handing them back to the Russians. I bet they kept a few to study. Maybe they just didn't have a use for them. Wonder what Obama would think of them.
Wendy Christopher - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob, how on earth do you know all of this stuff? I'm starting to wonder if you're not actually James Bond, y'know ;^) Another informative and interesting piece.
Callmelennie - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Worse pun alert -- You sure it as Albert "Spear", OMR -- I heard it was Herman "Goring"
Rob Arndt - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks all :) Patrick, the W Germans did not want the APS and sold junk Warsaw Pact stuff to Poland and E European nations or gave much of it back to the Soviets (trucks, cars, odd gear, odd machinery, and misc) b/c the Reds had the junk laying all around E Germany. Those areas were cleared and many facilities shut down. Even E German promising programs with new uniforms, better weapons, and vehicles were cancelled outright. @Wendy... I specialize in weapons, warfare, aviation, Third Reich, and weird things (facts, trivia, misc). Did you read my Trangels parody from yesterday???
Rob Arndt - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
CML, could be worse puns: Kriegsmarine frogman hits a Red diver with a RMG or RMP rocket round underwater, looks him in the face mask, and says "Hurts, Doen-itz? RMP and RMG stand for Rakatemarinepistole and Rakatemarinegewehr (Rocket Marine Pistol and Rocket Marine Rifle)...
Old Man Ribber - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - "Hurts, Doenitz"! Good one. What we need here is a lot Fuhrer puns...lol! ;D
Rob Arndt - January 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Someone should do OS "Gambler" as "Kammler"... Gee, I wonder who amongst us ;-)

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