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Song Parodies -> "New C-Subs with Small Crews"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"New C-Subs with Small Crews"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

During late WW2 the Kriegsmarine toyed with the idea of a concrete U-boat but the idea was rejected not b/c it was impractical, but b/c there was a shortage of concrete and the war was lost. An Ex-Kriegsmarine officer in E Germany proposed the same thing to the Soviets as early as the late 1950's but technology did not permit the concept from becoming a realistic weapon. Later still, another German in the 1990s built a small concrete sub and this has led to a proposal for 20-200 ton concrete submarine yachts (prototyopes already built). Meanwhile, the Russians revived the concrete submarine idea with advances in technology. There subs would be of heavy construction with no need to draw water into tanks to submerge to unheard of depths that steel sub frames cannot match. US and Western subs can only dive down to max 2000 ft before the pressure becomes too great. The Russian C-subs could dive the entire way to the seabed floor out of range of counter-weapons, using external listening devices to pick up surface targets and then launching very high-speed torpedos to bridge the gap quickly, not allowing the target ship or enemy sub time to manoeuver before impact. The Russian C-subs are desingned with massive battery capacity to drive water turbines that have swiveling nozzles much like a Harrier jet and have mid-hull mounted lift wings to "fly" underwater at high speeds. Concrete ships are nothing new, many used in WW2 by the US as transport platforms... but so far only Russia is developing C-sub tech. The Germans have the tech to do it as well but are going with fuel-cell AIP attack subs that are largely high-tech automated craft with small crews of 27 or less and armed with advanced wire-guided STN-Atlas DM5 torpedos and anti-ship missiles.
New C-Subs with small crews
hard to find

New concrete subs with missile tubes
Deep depth maintainin’
Surface targets attainin’

The pressure- can stand it
Seabed lyin’ around
Sound locators deadly
Launches high-speed torps when targets found

[No time for evasions when in-bound]

New C-Subs with small crews
hard to find
Stealthed kind

A small crew
A small crew
A small crew
Needed to operate
Batteries to spare
Water turbine speed
Lift wings work great

[Developed late]

From Nazis
New C-Subs with small crews
hard to find
(proposed to Soviets since ‘50s in E Germany)
http://orbitalvector.com/Aquatic/Concrete%20Submarine/concrete%20sub%20diagram.jpg

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

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User Comments

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Patrick - December 27, 2012 - Report this comment
A concrete submarine! I can picture it submerging. Surfacing, that is a challenge. Amazing what technology can accomplish these days. I have seen examples of German concrete handgrenades. The Japanese made their last-ditch grenades from clay. But that is very low tech. A concrete sub sounds like one of those ideas that is hard to sell to the politicians that have to appropriate the funds.
Rob Arndt - December 27, 2012 - Report this comment
People always freak out over concrete ships and subs but the former were already built in large numbers in WW2 for transport by the US and steel doesn't exactly float either!!! A boomer sub can weigh 20-30,000 tons! The C-sub doesn't need to flood tanks to submerge at all due to its weight and it can rise easier b/c it will rely in the water turbine with various nozzles to create lift to raise it like a plane underwater! A second German engineer tried the UK in the 1990s, but they weren't interested so he's going with concrete yacht schemes in 20-200 ton range. Prototypes built...

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