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Song Parodies -> "The Limericks of Gun Control"
Original Song Title:
"The Limerick Song (traditional)"
Original Performer:
sactoGranny
Parody Song Title:
"The Limericks of Gun Control"
Parody Written by:
Giorgio Coniglio's Grandson (ed.); various authors
The Lyrics
There are very few choices of non-obscene versions of this song for adults, and children's versions are surprisingly unhelpful. The best known version uses a verse-structure and chorus loosely based on Cielito Lindo (the Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay Song), but many other choruses have been used. Pick your own chorus if you need to sing this as a complete song. As poetry, the limericks stand on their own.
MOTHER EMMANUEL A.M.E. :WorldView
Folks visiting Charleston are weepful
Whenever they pass by our steeple
Nine brave souls blown away,
But just trust NRA
Who claim, "Guns don't, but people kill people."
WEB-ASSAULT :Weisenheimer's Mama
A paranoid from Syracuse-y
Web-ordered his weapons, quite choosy;
So co-workers take note -
He feels you got his goat,
And he's eager to use his new Uzi.
ORLANDO CAUSATION :Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec
The press thought it incredibly lame -
The retracted 'fact' spewed by McCain
(Not to mention the Trump
Whose tweets honor a dump-
-ster) : That Obama's 'directly' to blame.
ADVICE :Malevolence
On the Terror Watch List you still linger?
For a weapons-freak you're a dead ringer?
Here's the gist - While you're keen
Buy an AR-15
'Til it's used, no one can lift a finger.
TRUNCATED :Schort Schrift
A world where each person is armed
Is a world where no good guy is harmed
(Sounds of automatic gun-fire) ...........
...
...
REVERENT ASSASSINATION :Sarah PALINDROME
A veteran hitman named Thuggetts
Taught younger thugs key STEN-GUN NUGGETS,
"After GUN-SWEPT PEW: SNUG!
Wrap the corpse in a rug
But don't stay to pray until you've dug it."
FRATERNAL BUSINESS :Rick Lime
A bro-pair of ursine arms-vendors
Sold angry bears sharp ClawExtenders
Thus fulfilling the prayers
(And their rite to arm bears)
Of good Second Amendment defenders.
Folks visiting Charleston are weepful
Whenever they pass by our steeple
Nine brave souls blown away,
But just trust NRA
Who claim, "Guns don't, but people kill people."
WEB-ASSAULT :Weisenheimer's Mama
A paranoid from Syracuse-y
Web-ordered his weapons, quite choosy;
So co-workers take note -
He feels you got his goat,
And he's eager to use his new Uzi.
ORLANDO CAUSATION :Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec
The press thought it incredibly lame -
The retracted 'fact' spewed by McCain
(Not to mention the Trump
Whose tweets honor a dump-
-ster) : That Obama's 'directly' to blame.
ADVICE :Malevolence
On the Terror Watch List you still linger?
For a weapons-freak you're a dead ringer?
Here's the gist - While you're keen
Buy an AR-15
'Til it's used, no one can lift a finger.
TRUNCATED :Schort Schrift
A world where each person is armed
Is a world where no good guy is harmed
(Sounds of automatic gun-fire) ...........
...
...
REVERENT ASSASSINATION :Sarah PALINDROME
A veteran hitman named Thuggetts
Taught younger thugs key STEN-GUN NUGGETS,
"After GUN-SWEPT PEW: SNUG!
Wrap the corpse in a rug
But don't stay to pray until you've dug it."
FRATERNAL BUSINESS :Rick Lime
A bro-pair of ursine arms-vendors
Sold angry bears sharp ClawExtenders
Thus fulfilling the prayers
(And their rite to arm bears)
Of good Second Amendment defenders.
Consider adding a limerick verse of your own at Giorgio's Ukable Parodies
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Hey, people, do I have to do all the commenting? This is good stuff, if you can forgive Sarah's palindrome and self-repeating anagram. 5s. Maybe you don't like anything that doesn't smell like gun powder. Try this:
A sexy old actress named Fonda
Liked landing on men from up yonda
One geezer said, "Great!
But please come down straight --
I'm still rather fonda my wanda."
A sexy old actress named Fonda
Liked landing on men from up yonda
One geezer said, "Great!
But please come down straight --
I'm still rather fonda my wanda."
Alright, I'll ad-lib something, I used to write limericks, though it was fifteen years ago or more, before I found Amiright. It's not that hard once you get the first hundred or so under your belt:
Some guys must keep up with the Joneses
And show off their big hairy stoneses
They stack up on guns
And on ammo in tons
While their girls sit and text on their phoneses
Some guys must keep up with the Joneses
And show off their big hairy stoneses
They stack up on guns
And on ammo in tons
While their girls sit and text on their phoneses
True gun guys are NOT fanatics
They own mostly semi-automatics
A bolt action or two
Mil-clones in .22
Shooting Gays in a club NOT their habit
They own mostly semi-automatics
A bolt action or two
Mil-clones in .22
Shooting Gays in a club NOT their habit
@LimeRickey. You are right. Sarah made a major blunder. Perhaps she meant, "Sten-gun snug nets" or even "Tennis gnus sung sin-net". But where are your on-topic limericks?
When Harry went forth to meet Mimi
A gun filled his trousers' inseamy
But this concealed carry
Was so big for Harry
Said Mimi, "You're too glad to see me."
A gun filled his trousers' inseamy
But this concealed carry
Was so big for Harry
Said Mimi, "You're too glad to see me."
SIBLING RIBALDRY: / A duck-hunting dad from Nantucket / Stashed his ammo in daughter Nan's bucket / 'Til bad-apple son Frank / Robbed the Pawtucket bank / And as for the bucket, Frank tucket. /
FAILED LEGISLATION: / The grand drama of Chris' filibuster / Brought Democrat pols to the muster / But on-stage, GOP / In their entirety* / Turned in a performance lackluster. / (* an alternate version using the word 'hypocrisy' is possible, but not recommended)
There once was a fellow named Guy Whom I wanted to punch in the eye I approached him one night And exclaimed "Let us fight" When the squid he was eating said "Hi!"
Porfle, that's cute. However, limerick wit -- all wit -- has its own inherent discipline. The last line (the punchline) is much funnier if it is not an arbitrary fillip, but is logically connected to, and resolves, the previous tension-building four lines.
Although I appreciate Porfle's whimsicality and Lime's inclination to educate, I propose that this thread be reserved for on-topic limericks (i.e. re gun control), but with their structure loosely defined acoording to the author's whim. To counteract Mr. Rickey's urges I offer this exaggerated comment .... / A pseudo- who used many -nyms / To chant holy-er-than-thou hymns / Proposed erudite rules / For us AIR-headed fools / As for him, he's indulging his whims. /
ANGER'S BYSTANDERS: / A bee and bat trapped in a bore / Could foresee what sad fate lay in store. / Said the bat, "Let it be!" / Said the bee, "No doubt that / We're done for, when he settles the score." / .... (sec code FUF)
At the very least, we finally know Porfle's stance on gun control ;-D
Dr. Dogmatic Doggerel bites a hand that feeds him.
I stopped reading after "Porfle, that's cute"!
Finish reading, Porfle, or you'll miss the whale, the iPhone, and the tomato.
BUGS' EPITAPH: / E. Fudd, no dim-sighted fanatic / Was not techno- or -logically static, / "I'll ewadicate wabbits / And their wascally habits / With my gun-show sem-I automatic." /
UNPREDICTABILITY (Montreal): / Big guns are akin to pit bulls / But it's guns has the trigger you pulls. / Folks can state, 'By and large / Careful owners in charge' / But their victims could call those folks, 'fools'. /
What the Doctor would say is....... "Dogmatic? Po-op. cit. Am God." (Po is an Italian river, 'po-op.' is a handy abbreviation for 'post-op' or for 'poop')
It is past time your childish petulance ended, not only for its own sake, but because it is strained, familiarly pedantic, and dull. Not at all worthy of one who is "my son the doctor."
Gun violence may never cease/But the gun is never the beast/'twas the individual/who started it all/a finger pulled the trigger- hell unleashed
Kind under-referred nudnik; / Revenge beg never. / No devil harass Sarah, lived on. / Evita-genderred. Negative - no 'son'. /
@Contributors, particularly PA, SBG and RL. If you would like me to post your contributed verse on my blog, adding it to the 13 verses there now, please send a title for the verse (and any change in author name/pseudonym). If you prefer, specify 'UNTITLED'
OPEN AGENDA: / The chief of P.R. NRA / Called for openly arming all gays. / As for bi's and transgenders, / The new weapons they'd tender / Were designed to discharge either way. /
AFTER THE CHECK: / Our Glock-toting neighbor named Phyllis / Has been struck by a bipolar illness / She's grown floridly manic / Still, our block need not panic - / While her safety-lock's on she won't kill us. /
Thanks all for your submitted comments. I will add this metaphorical comment ..... EDITOR'S NOTES: / On limerick verse, here's my slant / - Not for mannerly banter or rant / Stanzas stand to your credit / If you're terse, aim and edit / 'Cause off-target shots you can't recant. /
HIDDEN AGENDA: / Here's the plot of the secretive Larry / Who had thought he ought try Concealed Carry / Seems the chain of Pam's locket / Caught in his pants pocket, / The upshot of which got quite scary. /
^ ppl who don't know about guns should not write such nonsense. a locket cannot bypass a secure holster or undo a safety.
@GunOwner; Thanks for your definite debunking of Bunk'n's concern. I wonder if you might be kind enough to comment on the dilemma posed by Pooganagger's verse?
Being bi-polar by itself is not a crime. Unless one is diagnosed as psychotic or psychologically mentally unstable, he or she can legally pass DOJ paperwork in most states as long as the background check doesn't come back DECLARED mentally ill. Mr P''s verse is based on assumption and is no more valid than assuming a black man who moves next door will sell drugs, someday rob you, and rape your pretty blond daughter.
Liberal elites writing about guns is like religious conservatives lecturing on evolution.
CANADIAN VIEWPOINT #1: / We Canucks await a yuge migration / From our trigger-loose neighboring nation. / Should the Trump rules that land / (NRA in command) / They’ll head North for a safer salvation. / ................. #2: / “Make America Great Again” – stating / Mandates Second Amendment updating. / Gun sales mount; must you choose / To shoot whatever moves? It’s a habit we find rather grating. /
Canadian men are real wussies/Douchebag, pot-smoking pussies/Put a gun in their hand/They don't understand/ Used to playing both hockey and footie!
dOING oUR tHING# / Back last fall when I registered 'Glock', / Took my lithium pills by the clock. / Now, as you can deduce Sir, / We prefer to hang looser / And do night-time patrols of the block. / .... ... ///\//
@Parker: Your message for CanadaDay (July1) is as murky as your rhyming. What you call 'football' and 'soccer' are also known here as 'football' and 'soccer', respectively. 'Footy'/'footie' is British or Australian slang, mate. Happy 4th!
dOING oUR tHING, #2: / My mania (no pills!) energizes / - Wakeful nights are chock-filled with surprises. / When my neighbors, so rude, / Pry or stalk or intrude / I'll just aim with my Glock for their eyeses! / .... .;... /////\/\//
Will someone please flush this excrement down the toilet? Limericks are for old, dirty men. In poor taste and equally pointless used with gun control. Gun control is a steady hand, as that saying goes.
Most generations laugh at what previous generations censored. Millennials want to censor what previous generations laughed at...
RETORT: / An old hunter and jester named "Rand" / Placed his shots with the best in the land. / Now he'll face this dillemer / - He's developed a tremor / And his pacing has got out of hand. /
CANADIAN VIEWPOINT #3: / GOP's betting on a new order; / Gun-control – they prefer to abort ‘er. / “Where’s Cape Breton?” “Up North”./ Yanks give thanks and go forth, / Weapons-stashes must stay at the border. / .... ... ................................ #4: / If you check a Canajun sports-locker / You'll find gear crammed for hockey and 'soccer' / I'll explain - it's my duty - / There's no place here for 'footie' / That's just how we Canucks learned to talk, Sir. /
Please make him stop.
I can't take it any more, I tell you! Limericks aren't easy for me. They've never been easy. This Canadian doctor is no bargain, either. No talent. No talent at all. What are you kidding? My doctor Vinnie Boombacci -- there's a good writer. His prescriptions are funnier than this guy's limericks.
Q: Why don't Canadian women wear sleeveless dresses? A: They aren't allowed to bare arms
A Canadian guy, an American guy, a Japanese guy, and a Middle Eastern guy walk into a bar. They all have a couple of beers, and get to bragging. The American guy boasts, "I'm so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, one more and I would have a basketball team." Not to be outdone, the Canadian guy retorts, "I am luckier than you, I have 5 gifted children, one more and I could form a hockey team." So, the Japanese guy chimes in with, "Well, I surely have both of you topped. I have 8 children. Just one more and I would have a baseball team." Pausing, briefly, the Middle Eastern guy replies, "Well, I am betting I have all you fools beat. my harem houses 17 wives, one more and I would have a golf course!".
How ya feeling today, Joey? Seventy hot dogs, that's amazing. I have to tell you, I threw up just reading about it.
Can't talk now, Lennie... Umph, unh, arrrh, ahhhhhh!
@'Rodney'. PHARMACIST'S NOTE: / Hate your doggerel, Doctor Boombacci, / Scrawled on scripts for what's itchy and scratchy. / My professional pitch - / Check Coniglio's niche / For concoctions not catching but catchy. /
The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." The word "militia" is right up front. "Militia" is the original intent. Therefore, if you want to keep and bear arms, join the well-regulated Militia. It's called the National Guard. You can look it up. It's made up of ordinary people like you and me. We could even take our guns home. Together, we will prevent juntas and military coups and home invasions, but as things stand the 320 million assorted pieces of artillery currently in private hands are not promoting the security of a free State. And the local police are no bargain, either. What are you kidding? Many cops have the same profile as criminals: beaten by their fathers, molested by priests, and made to participate in the slaughter of harmless animals who get no respect -- no respect at all. I can't take it anymore, I tell you. What part of the above don't you understand? It's never been easy, but do you really need to trivialize it in limerick form?
Thaks again to contributors. i will close out this highly-popular thread with 2 excellent limericks from the OEDILF project, an online mega-dictionary defining all English words through original limerick poems; the limericks are edited quite extensively by a rigorous iterative multi-editor process. Current compilation based on starting with letters A through G has resulted in a searchable library of over 90,000 poems. #1 contributed to OEDILF by "Bit": / I brought deadly projectiles of lead / And a rifle. My buddy Chuck said, / "Go ahead - fire a bullet! / That trigger, there - pull it!" / My aim was off; Chuck is now dead. / ..... #2 contributed to OEDILF by "Chuck Folkers": / I think most people traffic in arms - / And I know that word sets off alarms - But it's really quite charming / To profit by arming / Regimes. I don't ask whom it harms. /
You may or may not have the authority to close out this thread. It is true that you could have disallowed comments from the start. But now that a useful conversation is a possibility, thanks to Rodney, you implicitly threaten to have further comments such as this reported for deletion. You are now getting into the area of censorship. Objection!
May it please the First Amendment, let Joey Chestnut decide whether this thread continues or not. What say you, Joey? ....... OK, finish that pack of hot dogs first and then speak
Mmmff ... hol on uh minnow ... braack ... O.K., finished. Foist of all, my heart goes out. My thoughts go out. My prayers go out. Going forward, my liver goes out. At the end of the day, my lungs go out. After a short break, my left kidney will go out. This just in -- I would say that my pancreas goes out. Now to business: I just ate G.C.'s grandson. With the editor gone, the thread goes on. Maybe it goes out. Who da hell cares! The question is moo ... moo ... I think I gotta ... I really ... blaoüwaçñhh ...
Hoo boy! I never shoulda washed the kid down with Troll-B-Gone.
Now who can argue with that?
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