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Song Parodies -> "This Old Hearse"

Original Song Title:

"This old House"

Original Performer:

Rosemary Clooney

Parody Song Title:

"This Old Hearse"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This old hearse once carried people
Those dead people that kid sees
In an oaken box with handles
Chilled out from some big deep freeze
This old hearse is a branded Lincoln
Has a buddy, Cadillac
Not as shiny as it once was
Kind'a scratched and dingy black...

No one's gonna ride this hearse no longer
No one's gonna ride this hearse no more
Mileage meter's scored in thousands,
Squeaky is that old rear door
It could sure tell a lot of stories
That would scare ya', make ya' faint
In the back's a line of worn out rollers
You can't even see yourself in the paint...

This old hearse they should sell to hippies
Those still danglin' in the past
Transports buds and leaves of green
Sometimes known as Woodstock grass
Once I knew a dude who owned one
Big ol' green long Cadillac
When he bought a laundry washer
Rolled that sucker in the back...

This old crate is a hearse no longer
These old wheels roll a hearse no more
Hauled cadavers by the thousands
Rich and middle class, and poor..
Was that final equalizer
Same for sinner, as for saint
Don't eyeball the carpet up too closely,,
Might find old dentures, or DN-A-in't

This old hearse is a' kind a' spooky,
Pungent odor that remains
Whiffs from past embalming fluids,
And hints of wilted rose refrains
It's sad carry days are over
Parked in a used car parking lot
What's left of a Gabriel chariot
Old and dusty, left to rot..

No one really wants this hearse no longer,
No one really needs this hearse no more
All banged up with bumps and scratches,
Mirror's broken on the door
People drive by and stare with cringes
As if it held some kind of curse
Maybe for the wife, I ought'a buy it,
Park it by my car, mark His and Hearse

Maybe for the wife, I just might buy it,
Park it by my car, mark His and Hearse

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   2
 3   2
 4   3
 5   7

User Comments

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Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - April 10, 2015 - Report this comment
Clever use of an old song and an old hearse, both getting ready to meet the saints.
Patrick - April 10, 2015 - Report this comment
Knew a fellow once who had a retired hearse. Sort of a part time clown, stilt-walker. Oddly, when he went on a stilt-walking gig he drove a Nash Metropolitan. Like the "His and Hearse" line. But I bet it ends up "Yearse".
John Barry - April 10, 2015 - Report this comment
What the good doctor said.
AFW - April 10, 2015 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dr. G, Patrick, and John
2Eagle - April 11, 2015 - Report this comment
I remember when it was cool to drive a used hearse. Now it is long, black SUV's.
AFW - April 11, 2015 - Report this comment
Hey, 2Eagle...good to see ya' back...thanks for dropping by
Rob Arndt - April 11, 2015 - Report this comment
I saw a Chevy Caprice station wagon that looked like a Hearse yesterday. I didn't know they made that version. 555
AFW - April 11, 2015 - Report this comment
I guess as long as we don't see them from the inside, it's alright...thanks for stopping by, Rob
AFW - April 12, 2015 - Report this comment
I always thought the P T Cruiser looked like a hearse for little people...

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