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Song Parodies -> "Seventy-Six Gallstones"

Original Song Title:

"Seventy-Six Trombones"

Original Performer:

Robert Preston and 'The Music Man' cast

Parody Song Title:

"Seventy-Six Gallstones"

Parody Written by:

Rod Worden

The Lyrics

To the great Meredith Willson, creator of "The Music Man", which opened on Broadway Dec 19, 1957, running 1,357 shows, immortalizing Mr. Willson, as well as his home town of Mason City, Iowa, known as "River City" in the play. Mr. Willson passed away June 15, 1984. (Hopefully, not from a gallstone attack!)
Seventy-six gallstones bile duct-arrayed
But again and again I'll eat food not bland
And I follow with rot bordeaux and some week-old mud pie faux
I retch! --then grab escargot cannnned!

Seventy-six gallstones can give me the runs
But I'll now and again pig down bacon rinds
When the kidneys-and-ulcers bleed, big pain guaranteed!
Doctors warn, but I am disincliiiined

There is bloody-bottom, squirty-poo-filled underware,
Thundering, thundering, flatulence all day!
Gastric pain unfolding as the gall stones flare--
When I scarf-- greasy-big-cheese souffles!

There are itchy-palm-filled sweaty-fits of shallow breath
Threatening, threatening, like a heart attack!
Stomach pain of major size and gripping chest and bulging eyes
Blue-faced, --gasping--, knock-ing-me-ow-oot, black!

Seventy-six gallstones cause a lot of grief
But it's time and again I put off repair
And it's visit my H-M-O! --though their services do blow--
Take a pill-- until the next big scare!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   1
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 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
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 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

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TJC - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Verrrrry Clever... I suspect your medical knowledge runs a little deeper than casual research of the topic on google? I hope its not from personal experience... take some statins...
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, TJC! My wife donated her gb a few yrs back. Turns out women are more susceptible than men, so party on, Leon! (presuming you're a guy--but why would I presume that?)
Cookie-man - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job Rod!!! My favorite line is There is bloody-bottom, squirty-poo-filled underware, Thundering, thundering, flatulence all day! I laughed so hard I had a pain in my side! Or maybe it was a gall stone attack........:)
Kristof Robertson - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Really good, Rod!! One question...what's underware? Is that like Tupperware?:-) 555
EmiLoca - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Today is Rod Worden day. This is just fantastic! 5-5-5, and I'm going to be reading this over and over all day...it's just so beautiful...
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Cookie, Kristof, and Emi, three of my fav writers here who have taught me more than a thing or two!
John Barry - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
This is a tough one to do; I know, having struggled with it. This one is pretty funny. Mine is more bilious.
Arwen - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Hilarious, Rod!!! SOOOO good! 5s!
Ashkicksass - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, this one is fabulous! I played a "townsperson" in The Music Man when I was little. I will never think of it the same way...
alvin rhodes - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
clever...for extra fun, march around the room while singing...5s
Johnny D - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Rod, you're a Music Man who most definitely DOES "know the territory". Great job!
Rick D - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Rod , I'd like to comment on how good I thought this was, but I'm a little gunshy. You recently sent some remarks my way that I am frankly stunned by. Unless I'm way off the mark here, I thought you were upset by my cat crap comments, mad at me for not commenting on a couple of your songs, and calling me a talented prick. All on this very open forum, after I thought I was making a new friend here. If I'm wrong, please send me a private note and explain.
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick, I'm not mad at you. But maybe I shouldn't have used the expression "d' prique" -- you don't know me well enough yet to know that I was joking, that my friends and I will use this commonly at times with each other. Here was my beef: Shortly after I commented on J D's Rocket Spam, (at his request, and in an area I neither frequent nor submit to, yet in an area that you participate in), you simply stopped communicating, period. You not only passed over ridiculously familiar songs of mine, (e.g. Buck Naked Streaker, Star Spangled Banner) but you ignored comments and questions that I laid on yours. This, after a great many exchanges culminating in your suggestion that we get together and jam, for crying out loud! (Do you remember me giving you my ph#?) It was obvious to me that you had been miffed that I did not comment on your performance material, and hence the compliment I extended on Sat in this regard, along with the rant. Let's put this behind us, Rick. If you need further feedback, give me a call.
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, and to anyone who is interested in hearing some of these parodies sung, try the "Listen" link above. Rick and Mari did some funny ones!
Rick D - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
It just seemed out of the blue, Rod. I missed a few days on the site, other than posting something, I can only check at work quickly, and suddenly you're acting bipolar. I just didn't expect it. I had just sent you a note noting your name on the list, and you came on my catcrap parody going, "we better not jam together if you don't like cats. I have six". What was I supposed to think? I really don't care if you and Johnny discuss recordings. I know he asked, I don't. But thanks for the plug. Sometimes I write things here and don't realize how I come off. I've had it pointed out. That's one thing about this crowd. They call you out if you're wrong.
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Bipolar?? You know, I like that term, --except when it's applied to me! Are we through pissing on each other's shoes here? Might be fun to get back to being friends again!
Rick D - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Once again, a writing gaff.. I should have said the comments seemed bipolar to me. I would like to go back to being supportive friends. Unlike the real world, I have no enemies here. I have met six people through this site, and worked with six others on the site. Let's just attribute it to sunspots and be a little more aware, and a little less oversensitive.
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
John Barry-- where the heck is yours, looked all over! Arwen, Ash, Alvin, Johnny: Thanks, folks, YOU folks rock!
Rod - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Oops! So do you, J B! Lotsa folks here have taught me lottsa much!!
Liao Xei - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Good stuff. Very funny.
Liao Xei - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Good stuff. Very funny.
Rod - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Liao! Thanks, Liao! = )
The Thought Police - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
5's! Why? Because I'm a BIG 'Stones fan!
Rod - July 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Good line, TTP, and thanks!
sis - January 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Yeah , you hit this on the head... U sure have creativity on a day I would have been zipped....Keep going Rod.. seems like you need the support of these fans it is all about 5's for you eh?? Well you get them . Enjoy your other side !! Patti had to help on this one. She deserves kudos as well.
susan - August 31, 2014 - Report this comment
This just totally cracks me up all the way. Probably cause most of this is really true! Keep them coming, enjoy the beat, the site and your talent. five or more across all the way! Much enjoyed

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