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Song Parodies -> "I Am A Major Model And We're Very Thin In General"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Pirates of Penzance

Parody Song Title:

"I Am A Major Model And We're Very Thin In General"

Parody Written by:

Leo Jay

The Lyrics

Revised version of parody previously submitted under the author name 'Bush League'. Indirectly inspired by Rick Duncan's Media Celebrity.
I am a Major Model: Barbie doll-ish, pretty, thin as well
I'm very thin, I'm scary thin – my HAIR is thin (my skin as well)
One year, I grew a rear, and my career was damn near null and void
The snobs who give out jobs called me a 'slob', and I was unemployed
Flat broke, the 'butt' of jokes, and only spoken of as 'flabby-thighed',
I swore that evermore I would ignore the pangs of appetite
**For at my level, there's a price for 'Janet' boobs and 'J.Lo' butts**
**Your mod'ling agent won't think twice when making drastic payroll cuts**
Since all of that, I'm small and flat (my wallet's fat, I'm too-too thin)
I'm paid off, never laid off (so the trade-off's that I 'lose' to 'win')
**So now I'm very rich in wealth, though most days I am poor in health, **
**I am a Major Model, and we're very thin in general**

Red meat I cannot eat, for it defeats my weight-loss purposes,
And any meat means 'Jenny C', and many weight-loss services;
From grains I must abstain, and I refrain from eating cereals,
And starches make me large – I'll have no part of such materials!
Legumes make me balloon – I've just no room for such insanity,
And treats of cakes and sweets only defeat the cause of vanity;
**So at my level, we survive most days on air-and-water meals**
**For our careers would never thrive on fatty take-out-order deals**
A runway walk is fun, but when I'm done, I'm drained of energy
My nutrients are few, but what to do -- I have no yen to eat
**A model at my level often gets her sleep from fainting spells**
**I am a Major Model, and we're very thin in general**

I'd find, with a behind, that Calvin Klein would not look right on me
And if I had some tits, a Dior slip dress would look tight on me
For Valentino gals, even a salad is a big to-do
To pour into a Lauren, you can't store an extra inch or two
The Ricci folks get "beetch-y" if the "steetch-ing" starts to come apart
Chanel won't fit me well if I have jelly, so my buns are hard
**For I'm a Major Model, and must always, always look my best**
**When strolling down the runway in an overpriced haute couture dress**
It's clear a rounded rear to my career is antithetical:
Big buns found on 'size ones' are like a running joke – hysterical
**A girl who gains an ounce or two is marked as undependable**
**I am a Major Model, and we're very thin in general**

Emaciation's wasted if your face is just not up to par:
Designers, you will find, will pay no mind if homely's what you are;
The hair and makeup chair's my cross to bear, and all the magazines
Have squads for 'face' and 'bod' so that a 'hottie' not a 'hag' is seen
'Brit Elle' and 'Vogue' as well, employ a swell airbrushing stratagem
(Though 'Harpers' is bizarre, because a carcass still looks fat to them)
**Although we do our part, as any Major Model will attest**
**We very often need a bit of help to look our very best**
I'm very fond of Evian – with every ounce I kill a zit,
But water, though it oughta keep me taut, at times will fill my hips
**So I need help to look good when I break out or I start to swell**
**I am a Major Model, and we're quite enhanced in general**

In time, I will retire, and I'll buy a bar and restaurant --
I'll eat big slabs of meat, greasy 'pommes frites', and all the rest I want;
I'll burst with kraut and wurst and be well versed in all the stouts and beers,
And make up for the cake and all the shakes I've missed throughout the years;
I'll notice that I'm bloated as a float in Macy's big parade,
But I won't mind, for my designer life to rest will have been laid;
**With 'Gluttony', concerns about the 'Seven Deadly Sins' emerge**
**But I'd do better pigging out than perishing from 'binge and purge'**
For years, my whole career's been people cheering just the sight of me,
And thus, it may be tough to learn to love what's deep inside of me

**But not 'til I retire can I let my body start to swell**
**I AM A MAJOR MODEL, AND WE'RE VERY THIN IN GENERAL!**

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   21
 21
 21
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rex - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL funny! Now excuse me while I go get a burger and fries.
Andy Senior (aka The Carpal Tunnel Kid) - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Frankly, I'm in awe. Two excellent G&S parodies in as many days. Bravo!
Arwen - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Holy MOLY, Leo! This is FABulous...=) I couldn't write ONE parody to this OS...look at you go! Bastard.
Newfoghill - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alvin rhodes - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
it takes a first rate parodist to take on gilbert and sullivan and you've pulled it off masterfully...5s plus
Rick D - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for the plug, but yours is great! Makes me hungry.
John Barry - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Like Andy Senior, I'm in awe. Fine work.
Jeff Reuben - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I did enjoy reading. The lyrics carry a lot of weight.
Red Ant - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent parody. All size 5's ( which is fat for a runway model, no figure ). ;-)
Kat - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I'll be switched. 5's all around.
Jim Regan - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
WOW
Adagio - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
This is hilarious! I tried to pick out one line, but they were all good. I got hungry reading this one, too. :D 5's
Johnny D - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
From what I've read
It's very clear,
When choosing topics edible,
Our Leo Jay is capable
Of parodies incredible.
Ashkicksass - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Good Lord!
Sweet Indigo - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh thank goodness, I thought this parody had disappeared forever! Great job, I love it.
Kristof Robertson - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
This really is parody writing at it's very best. I'm speechless...great great job, Leo. 555
Adam Eccleshall - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Very funny stuff. 5's :-)
Leo Jay - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, very, very much everyone -- I practically shed blood trying to pull this one off, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Michael Pacholek - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
I just ate this one up!
Stuart McArthur - March 31, 2005 - Report this comment
Bravo! - imaginative and masterful - 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I've never used the term 'they should have a 6', but this parodying mastery will be difficult to match again.
Rick D - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know if you have someone or a way to sing this, but if you'd like, I'll send you the MP3 of the string arrangement we used for "Media" and that Phil used for his parody. I thought when doing it it could be an "all purpose" track. You have to have a way to put vocals on, though.

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