Where's the bold man with the zipper frisky
That's the bold man that I used to be
When did he swear it's not worth the struggle
When did his flair turn to apathy

Old tan rubber
That rolled gland cover
It just puts lumps in
My wallet's calfskin
It just gets moldy
It sleeps on hold as it rots

I'm no chance taker
For romance, bought one
I'd stem advancin'
To use precaution
That old tan rubber
It's just so old I forgot

Tuesday eve
I met this dame
Body all shakin'
A rack I'd frame
Both got charged
Six cocktails
A little bit of funk
I began to wail

I got leery
Of sickness thrivin'
Of virus hidden
And feared revivin'
That old tan rubber
It might not hold till I'm done

Parking all night with this miss is risky
Markets all closed till the light of day
Holdin' those oats has me drawn and upset
Frettin' and stressed till my judgment's frayed

Don't much trust
The brand I bought
The use-by date
Has all worn off
S-T-D's
Lend so much dread
And not much hope
When all's been said

Let me not stray on this kissin' mission
Let me hold sway as we bite and toss
Stifle that dream I've been ever hoardin'
That's the old stream I'd be wrong to cross

Old tan rubber
To hold my chubber
It must take some strength
And must take some length
It must get swollen
Yet keep on showin' it's strong

Long old rubber forever sleeps snorin' on

This romance fadin'
With no pants droppin'
This femme gets antsy
Her mood is rotten
My old tan rubber
It just sleeps, old and withdrawn

Long old rubber keeps fearing it's wrong

Unity
We'd best restrain
Oddly, I'm sayin'
We must abstain
Don't get large
Stiff or hale
My little critter's shrunk
And it gets no tail

I'm so bleary
My wick is dryin'
I'm wired and livid
And scared of tryin'
That old tan rubber
I'd best be holdin' till dawn