He told me Santa Claus was dead
When I was only three
It was all my fault he said
He's stuck in our chimble-y.
Then the lying evil thug
Swilled some whiskey from his jug
To the woodshed I was drug
'N he took a switch to me.

Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
Conjures up memories bad
Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
A white trash butthead is my dad.

Each Christmas in the village square
Totally blitzed gets he
At the folks assembled there
Shoutin' obcenities.
People tend to look askance
At him as he drops his pants
And the sheep tries to romance
In the living nativity.

Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
Conjures up memories bad
Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
Thanks to my sheep ruttin' dad.

You won't hear me sing Jingle Bells
Or Oh Christmas Tree.
Songs about reindeer and elves,
Frankly they sicken me
And to those people who insist
On wishing me Merry Christmas
'Neath mistletoe my ass can kiss.
Bah Humbug leave me be!

Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
Conjures up memories bad
Oh I don't care nuthin' fer Christmas
Each year when it's over I'm glad.

So better steer clear whatever you do
Cuz if you don't I'm warning you.
I bought a shotgun last Christmas.