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Song Parodies -> "The Oldest PC In Town"

Original Song Title:

"The Oldest Swinger In Town"

Original Performer:

O'Leary & The Bards

Parody Song Title:

"The Oldest PC In Town"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

This newfangled thing, the Internet has got you real perplexed
You can't see what folks see in it, you get wound up and vexed
Perhaps it is because your browser only works with text
You've the oldest PC in town

You bought a brand new printer, but you threw the thing away
Your PCs got no USB, and sure won't plug or play
No EPP or ECP so it won't work that way
You've the oldest PC in town

When you're excited 'cause your new game CD has arrived
But the space that it requires is ten times your whole hard drive
And your graphics card's no 3D, let alone DirectX 5
You've the oldest PC in town

There's a chance to boot up quicker, and it's too good to miss
You put /checkmem=no after HIMEM.SYS
But when you speak to tech support, they only take the piss
You've the oldest PC in town

You know compared to new PCs, your old thing is outclassed
But they built it in the 80s, and, boy, was it built to last
But don't you know the days of CP/M have fin'ly passed?
You've the oldest PC in town

Your printer is a dot-matrix, the mouse weighs half a ton
The graphic's card's a Hercules, and programs walk, not run
And still you don't believe that you require a newer one
You've the oldest PC in town

When you hit the keyboard, it takes a sec or more
To show the key that you've just pressed - it really is a bore
More likely what it's showing now's the key you hit before
You've the oldest PC in town

When printing is an arduous task, with noisy pings and pops
You can hear each dot upon the page and every pin that drops
And that print job from November is still going, never stops
You've the oldest PC in town

And it runs so slow
Because disk space is so tight
You've the oldest PC in town

And chkdsk takes all night to do
Just twenty megabytes
You've the oldest PC in town

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 38

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 1
 
 4   4
 4
 4
 
 5   32
 32
 32
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jan Hayes - May 09, 2003 - Report this comment
You can even hear the engineers sucking in their breath sharply and tutting!! - brilliant!
Yoness - May 14, 2003 - Report this comment
I don't think I've ever heard the original song but this was hillarious regardless.
Phil Alexander - May 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks for the kind words - Yoness: you should find the original, it's pretty damn funny, too, with lyrics like
"Here you come with your lips closed tight,
You never smile, you know it wouldn't look right,
Cause your dentures glow in ultraviolet light,
You're the oldest swinger in town."
...and the lines which most people would recognize:
And it takes you all night,
To do what you used to do all night,
You're the oldest swinger in town.
:-)
John Jenkins - May 17, 2003 - Report this comment
A lot of good lines - especially the one with the "print job from November."
AMIRIGHT AWARDS NOMINEE - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Best Computer Parody
Rick D - August 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Can you come over an mend my PC?
Johnny D - August 16, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Top marks for "HIMEM.SYS" rhymed with "take the piss".
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 16, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) The entire parody was very well rhymed and I can relate to many of the jokes, as I withdrew the DNA of a Windows 95 computer from a floppy disk I found buried in rock from the 'Ping Pongerous' era and use it for all my schoolwork. 5s!
Ian Stockdale - August 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Nicely done ! maybe someone could come up with a midi track and a bouncing ball for those of us who wants to singalong.....or would just be me then ?
Adagio - August 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) I don't really know the song, but gave you 5's because it was so funny (and I'm a sucker for computer parodies). Especially this line..."programs walk, not run". lol
Agrimorfee - August 19, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC)DKTOS--Hell, never even heard of the group...445
Peregrin - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent PC parody Phil, I DKTOS, neither could I find it anywhere, but it was a good read!
Claude Prez - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS but that didn't matter; fun to read and I'm sure it would be even funnier if I weren't such a techno-retard.
Meriadoc - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Hey, stop making fun of my KayPro! ;-)
Jeff Reuben - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
abc--Merry, I thought it was a Trash (TRS) 80?
martha - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil you are so good at these techhie parodies... really funny.....
Phil Alexander - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
:-) I've been working with the things for the last nearly fifteen years now - you kind of have to see the funny side, or sanity flies out of the window.
Hey, someone else who remembers the TRS80 :-)
And for all those people who don't know the original, hang around: it's one of a few I've been playing on the geetar for a while, so will record when I've got an hour or two's P&Q
Arlene - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Ian Stockdale Please contact me amcdonald@customercredit.ca

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