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Song Parodies -> "Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Muslims"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans"

Original Performer:

Noel Coward

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Muslims"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

This parody was originally written back in 2007 (I think it was), but in 2011 was subject to a "Cease and Desist" notice by Warner Chappell solicitors - the UK branch of US solicitors, acting for a US company against a US website.. using UK law to remove the parody. While this probably would not have stood up in court, the legal bullying worked as fighting it would have cost money we didn't have.

But the law has changed in the UK: parody no longer requires permission from the copyright holder before publication.
Don't let's be beastly to the Muslims
For we'd hate it if they ever came to harm
And though some folk think that Allah may be like the Christian God
Some of their forms of worship seem, well, really rather odd
Let's ignore how they
Don't let their girls see light of day
For those little veils have a quixotic charm
Give them religious parity
Now ain't *that* Christian charity
But don't let's be beastly to Islam

We must be kind
And with an open mind
We must endeavour to find
A way -
To let all Muslims know that this new War on Terror
Is really not about the way you pray
We must be sweet
And if we offer them meat
Ensure that the beastie's throat was sleet
We mustn't let
Them feel upset
Or ever get
The feeling that we're cross with them or hate them,
Our future policy must be to integrate them.

Don't let's be beastly to the Muslims
When they follow some illiterate Imam
And though we may not want the chap as our own near relation
We could at least point out the benefits of education
Let's be sweet to them
And day by day repeat to them
That suicide bombing's simply rather dumb
Let's tell 'em that they're swell again
Come blow us all to hell again
No, don't let's be beastly to Islam

We must be just
Try not to show disgust
At those traditions they must
If we don't understand just which hand wipes the bottom
Does Allah care about that anyway?
And when they pray
They always point one way
Because it's to Mecca that they
Belong, you know - they long to go
Attend the Hajj
Defend the Hajj
Pretend the Hajj's a great 'un
Even if they're being squashed to death while stoning Satan

Don't let's be beastly to the Muslims
Even if you think it's all a sham
Though the prophet shaved his armpits and other unseen hair
I'm sure Allah has got better things to do than look down there
And a fatwah for them
Is nothing quite so bizarre for them
It certainly put old Rushdie in a jam
Let's hope no Muslim's damned to hell
For breaking the rule on alcohol
No, don't let's be beastly to Islam

Don't let's be beastly to the Muslims
Even if we couldn't give a damn:
Though Islamic extremists made the World Trade Centre fall
I don't suppose the Americans minded very much at all
Live our lives like them
Quickly divorce our wives like them
Their treatment of women's a male-ficent scam
For that does not sound right to me
It sounds more like Shi'ite to me
But don't let's be beastly to Islam

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Vet - October 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Yes, you have adapted an apt resource to skewer the feckless West and the atavist East. Few but you and I know the OS and the nicety of not being beastly to the Bosch.
Susanna Viljanen - October 01, 2014 - Report this comment
This was nice. Fives.

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