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Song Parodies -> "Don't Let's Be Beastly to the Bankers"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Let's Be Beastly to the Germans"

Original Performer:

Noel Coward

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Let's Be Beastly to the Bankers"

Parody Written by:

John Boothman

The Lyrics

In the spirit of truth and reconciliation...
Don’t let’s be beastly to the bankers
Just because their day is nearly done.
Their avaricious malice is
The fuel that built their power,
But now their cardboard palaces
Are tumbling by the hour.

Let's be meek to them
And turn the other cheek to them,
And ply them with lobster, caviar and wine;
Let's give them full pay parity
And treat them all to charity
But don't let's be beastly to the swine!

We must be kind,
And keep an open mind;
We must endeavour to find a way
To put the bankers back in clover
Once this dreadful slump is over;
They mustn’t be the ones who have to pay.

We must be sweet
And tactful and discreet,
The credit crunch has knocked them off their feet.
It’s up to us to do our best
To see they don’t get too distressed,
Let’s prove we love (not hate) them;
Our future policy must be to reinstate them.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the bankers
Now at last we’ve got them on the run.
Let’s treat each banker gently
As we would a valued friend;
If we let him keep the Bentley
It might help his heart to mend.

I don’t want to hear dissension
When I talk about his pension
Even though it’s a hundred times more than mine.
He deserves consideration
From our cross ungrateful nation,
So don’t let’s be beastly to the swine!

We must be just
And win their love and trust,
Suppress our rage and try not to care a hoot.
Let’s extract from those they swindled
Their nest-eggs (sadly dwindled),
To help restore the blighters to their loot.

Let’s be nice to them
And give this firm advice to them,
That losing your shirt is absolutely fine.
There may be other facets
Of their thirst for toxic assets,
So don’t let’s be beastly to the swine!

In recent years
They’ve been in floods of tears,
Because the poor little dears
Have been so wronged;
They only longed
To cheat us all
Deplete us all
Browbeat us all to blazes;
This is the moment when we ought to sing their praises!

Don’t let’s be beastly to the bankers
For you can’t deprive a banker of his swag!
Though they’ve been a little naughty
To investors great and small,
There’s no reason to be haughty
When you’re going to the wall.

Let’s be free with them
And share a pot of tea with them,
We mustn’t emit a whimper, whinge or whine;
Let’s soften their collapse again
And call them decent chaps again,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the swine!

Don’t let’s be beastly to the bankers
Once the days of plenty have returned.
A massive cash injection
Will counter their dejection
And help replace the billions they’ve burned.

You must admit the onus is
On us to show their bonuses
Were not well-deserved but utterly malign;
We’ll let them use the cane again
And flush us down the drain again,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the swine!
(c) John C Boothman 2009

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Don't Blame Me I Voted For Palin - April 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Let's note that these are some of the most atrocious 0bama voters, too, that we're singing about here.
John Barry - April 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Great rhyming!
Phil Alexander - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Simply superb.. and I speak as the only other author on amiright to have parodied this OS :-) I was going to point out a favourite line or two, but there are too many good ones in there.
Susan Anderson - August 16, 2017 - Report this comment
Unfortunately the original is also currently relevant, but this is just fabulous! And on the "both sides do it": please stop. Yes, it's a problem, but did we have a choice with total obstruction? Bullies all.

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