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Song Parodies -> "Brute Force and Ignorance"

Original Song Title:

"Mad Dogs and Englishmen"

Original Performer:

Noel Coward

Parody Song Title:

"Brute Force and Ignorance"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Or: "How not to fix a PC..."
In technical tasks
One frequently asks quite why
That something which was working then
Does not work now, and won't again
This piece of crap,
Why'd it just stop and die?
Though Windows may be mendable
Your PC's not expendable - don't try
To fix the box
Using hardest knocks and butts
Because that's obviously, definitely nuts

Brute force and ignorance is no way to get things done
And when your PCs dying it may be satisfying
To load, aim and open fire with an automatic gun
Or give it a big whammer with a hammer
Then crunch till its in lots of bits sounds good - let's have a bash
And it may feel great to defenestrate the thing with a mighty crash
And to whack that thang with a great big bang, that certainly sounds like fun
But brute force and ignorance is no way to get things done

It's such a surprise
When the PC dies that we
Don't always notice straight away,
We keep on typing anyway
And we get depraved
When it's not been saved on C
And because we're not so deft with
Computers all we're left with is debris
It seems such a shame
When computers claim to work
They often seem to send people beserk
Aaarrrggghhh hoo hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee hee ......

Brute force and ignorance is no way to get things done
The answer to a spammer ain't to use a bigger hammer
You'll have to cease using RPGs - if you blow it up, it won't run
The answer ain't to split it, or hit it
Here's the facts: if you've used an axe it's no use to man nor beast
And to use a nuke from a bazook-a's excessive, to say the least
Don't be dismayed when your hand grenade does not make the damn thing run
'Cause brute force and ignorance is no way to get things done

Brute force and ignorance is no way to get things done
So please will you admit it,
It ain't no use to hit it
Don't scream and strike
As if you're like a modern Attila the Hun
So put that little bomb down, and calm down
Though it makes you laugh
Stick it in the bath
Is what you really shouldn't do
I would like to stress
A bit more finesse
Is much more the thing for you
To end it all
A reinstall is maybe the only one
'Cause brute force and ignorance is no way to get things
No way to get things
No way to get things
Done

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Know 1 can hear you dream - December 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Quite an update!
Phil Alexander - December 15, 2003 - Report this comment
I think this one must count as being the most difficult song I've parodied - the rhyming scheme is delightfully convoluted, and there's so many words to do... I'm hoping to find a piano score with a view to recording it with my father accompanying, maybe over the Christmas holidays. Well, fingers crossed.
taps - January 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great rhymes, comedic lines - I applaud at how well you've done, but no way can anyone do better than Coward's puns.
Phil Alexander - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, taps: I agree that the original takes an awful lot of beating. I was listening to "Don't let's be beastly to the Germans" yesterday, and thinking that one would be even harder...

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