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Song Parodies -> "California Mutant Gerbil String Bikini Slaughter"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Mary Poppins Soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"California Mutant Gerbil String Bikini Slaughter"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

A little bit of goofiness to (hopefully) brighten up your day
California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter
Hungry house-sized critters want to eat your busty daughter
Gamma-radiated rodents cause public disorder
California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter

We betta betta betta run, get away!
We betta betta betta run, get away!

Near Venice Beach there was a nuclear facility
One day a science dude brought in his pets for all to see
A leak in a reactor; soon those furry f***ers grew
And now they're all thirty feet tall and squashing Malibu!

California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter
Surfers become pet food, coz they can breathe underwater
My girlfriend was five foot six- now she's a whole head shorter
California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter

We betta betta betta run, get away!
We betta betta betta run, get away!

The army, air force, the marines, police and navy SEALS
Have all been ineffective 'gainst those giant running wheels
Some news has just come in: RIP Pam'la Anderson
Well, whod've thought that gerbils liked the taste of silicone...

California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter
I just saw one choking on a CNN reporter
Watch those Tijuana busboys head back cross the border
California mutant gerbil string bikini slaughter

We betta betta betta run, get away!
We betta betta betta run, get away!

Now Gov'ner Schwarzenegger's thinking "we must make a plan"
He's called in big game hunters, scientists and Jackie Chan
Soon California will be safe, but not the Taliban
He's hired jets to drop those gerbils on Afghanistan

California mutant gerbils tearin' up Fallujah
Send 'em to New Orleans to stop oil slick getting huger
Finally we'll feed them Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
Then ask Michael J Fox to send them Back To The Future!

California Mutant Gerbil String Bikini Slaughter
Starring Martin Lawrence, Matt LeBlanc and Cyndi Lauper
Going straight to DVD, so don't forget to order
California Mutant Gerbil String Bikini Slaughter!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
INSPIRED lunacy of the highest order!! Drop-dead funny and flawlessly executed. Congrats! ;D
Matthias - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Amazing parody my favorite line obviously was: "Then ask Michael J Fox to send them Back To The Future!" Seeing that I am a huge Back To The Future nut that line made my day but this entire thing was splendid in a cheesy B-Movie kind of way. The only thing else it needs is to star Bruce Campbell.
Phil Alexander - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Patrick - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Funny, funny song. I stuck my finger in a gerbil cage once, and those things really are carnivorous. Now I have an image of thousands of furry commandos with parachutes filling the skies over Afghanistan. This would make a great video.
TJC - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
A fun, fast and furryous precision romp thru Poppinsville that left us all ratingsoactive... Yer virtually glowing with 5's Kristof!!
John Barry - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
LilCeltCakes - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Marquis De MuTant . . . Sir, great write about all the 'mutants' here in Kalifornia . . . it be an Infestation & most unCeltly, sir !
LadyU-tant - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Lord Robertson, ~Duke oKilt~ I am glad that ~Kalifornia be Kiltless~, Sir . . . as there is not much to see 'downUnde'r in this Land oMuTants . . .
Richard Gere - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow, I hope I never have to have one of *those* suckers removed from my rear! ... btw, I have to go back into the hospital - I'm getting a mole removed.

oTT concept, Kris, and many clever work-ins. But having been the "victim" (read "welcome recipient" of some KR "tough love" at moi's n00b stabs, it's payback time (not really ;). Couple small niTTs:

1) Would like to see variation on the "um-diddle-diddle etc." subs.

2) A fair number of missed stresses, even allowing for en-BR/US differences. OK, but give what Stu McA calls a "nudge-wink" - use asterisks, hyphens, or something else to forewarn us so we don't trip over them and break the GREAT flow here.

3) Anderson/Silicone doesn't rhyme, at least east of the Pond - does it there? Solution: Neologism (where have I heard that recently? Pam "Andersone". Everyone gets it; it rhymes, and you get extra points for the clever mangle.

4) Some think that top marks require the Dick/Julie dialog. I DK, but have put it in all mine for the past few years anyway. Just mentioning. Well, these are tiny pixels on the Mona Lisa. You're still quite the ham-ster (ouch!), and as said, whole concept was a-mouse-ing. I roden't dock you any points for these little nits, so the rat-ing is still 555.
Kristof Robertson - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you to all who commented and voted, but special shout out to Rich, who has taken the time to pull me up on some less than perfect lines. In true Kristof fashion, here are my replies:
BR> 1) I'm a huge variation fan, but on occasions I feel it's OK to repeat a phrase, especially when it fits well. IMHO the "um-diddle" repetition would provide a consistent link for the verses and choruses in a recorded version (which I may do in the future).
BR> 2) "A fair number of missed stresses"? The only one I personally think is tricky is "thirty"..which would have to be pronounced "thirTEE" to fit the flow, but is I believe not too much of a stretch. However if you want to point out others, I'm all ears
BR> 3) Anderson/silicone...yes, that was a screw up. I had "silicon" (which would rhyme with Anderson, at least in Aus/BR English) in my mind...but obviously silicone (as in implants) is not the same thing. Mea culpa, but hey, that's life!
BR> 4) Hmmmmmm....I've never considered dialogue in musicals as necessarily part of the song, but that's just my opinion. I've never included said dialogue in any of my Supercal parodies, and am not going to start now. Thanks for your thoughtful response and terrible puns, Rich...but if you know me (and it seems that you do) you'd know that I'm not going to take exception to criticism, so use your real Amiright name in future, OK? Peace, bro....
Rex - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
My what a life you lead, K. Marvelous work, and if you're concerned about "all thirty feet" you can use "thirty meters". But then that's silly -- thirty foot gerbils are plausible, but thirty meters?
Kristof Robertson - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Of course it's silly, Rex, what were you thinking? And what the hell happened with the page breaks in my last post? Must be tired....
Blazed-InNorCAL - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Lord KristOFF . . . M U T E ~ O N , Sir !
Richard Gere - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
The "tough love" on "moi's noob stabs" at TOS didn''t ring any bells? Fair enough, that was a long time ago.

Did one not notice the strange capitalization in "oTT concept", or "niTTs"? Any lightbulbs yeTT?

"neologism - where have I heard that recently" - and you had *already* v'/c'd (nicely, thank you) said parody about neologisms today.

Your line breaks were apparently screwed up by not putting in the left angle bracket ("less than" sign), or by putting a space in between, or other syntax error. Reminder: {BR}, substituting the left/right angle or less/greater than for { } . Had to use those, or else it would turn into an actual break. TTip: I have a free tool called "Texter". It's set up so that if I hit a small "b", then (enter) it prints a line break (as many as I'd like.) If i hit "h" (enter), it prints the format for a hyperlink, so I just copy/paste in the URL and link name. "c" prints out my entire copyright notice, email reCaptcha and all. You can make any letter trigger any amount or type of text that you like,   including     large       spaces, etc.

You've been away from the site for too long, and appear too rarely, as much or more to our detriment than yours, but I've looooong had a habit of either punning on my own nick, or using a pseudopseudonym (neologism! Phil, are you still counting?) with plenTTy of hints in the message as to who it is. Everyone else is used to it -- don't be such a stranger!

It's late, I'm tired, and I just finished half of another M-G off the top of my head, which means that this week's streak of four consecutive will probably be continued for at least two more (other one is half-finished, too) next Tuesday (I tore all the Mondays off of every week of all my calendars a long time ago. Life is sooo much better -- try it!), so let's not worry about the other stresses for now, 'k,? Not a very big deal anyway, and after going at tit with Andy Primus and learning that "secret'ry," "milit'ry", etc. have only three syllables in the UK, the Germans having stolen the fourth during espionage missions (b*st*rds!) , there's a lot of slack for Pond-side differences. If you *really* want them, give me some time. But this was an unquestionable 15, and if the writer had been one of any lesser calibre (See? I can speak British! -- "caliber" in US) , nothing would have been said. Compliment, really.


T-O-M-M-Y   T-U-R-T-L-E
Um-Diddle Sub Idea - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
We betta betta betta run, get away!
Else, critta' eat-a head'n arm if we stay

(yeah, you-know-who again)
For All That Scholarly Analysis, I Get One Free Plug - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Example of full-scale "parts" and dialog, paralleling the movie:

Done many, many more musicals with included dialog, but the headline said *one*, and that's a fair trade, methinks. (Also, that's a fair thought to lie between maid's legs -- HamleTT III, 2)
  Oh, and thanks for the props for the terrible puns! (No higher compliment to a punster -- and how'd ya like that paragraph indent, eh? ;)
Kristof Robertson - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
D'oh! Seriously, TT...I should be drawn and quartered for missing the very clear hints to your identity your first post provided...accept my heartfelt apology, my friend. I'll blame late night weariness and a nice Belgian beer I had recently quaffed. Yes, I have been absent more than I wouldve liked, but (and I've promised this before) I'll try to drop in more. Thanks for the page break advice- I'm sure I did all the right things, but my blurred vision may have let me down.
I DO want your feedback re stress "issues": not for any conceited reason, but I'm always interested how different people see or read the same words- it'll be a great learning experience for me.
You, as always, have been a true gent. Laterz
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
I always try not to drink until *after* finishing parodying for the evening, but some of the best (to moi) inspirations have come with a little ethanolic assistance. 'Course, next day, I can't read my own writing, or I'm horrified at the terrible typing (it's bad enough when sober - the flippers, you know). so yeah, beer goggles probably accounted for the HTML mistakes. (HTML = Had Too Much Liquor. Not bad for an immediate ad-lib, eh?) ... and for missing the idenTiTy clues.

As for the scansion analysis, well, I guess there's no hurry, since you're here so rarely LOL ;) Seriously, got a bunch of stuff on the burner, and a family visit this weekend (Beer goggles! Beer goggles! - else never survive!). BUTT -- you are one of very few writers here who has actually shown appreciation for analytical criticism (as opposed to the usual, "this sux), and the only one who's *asked* for it. I've asked for specifics *every* time a legit voter (i. e., not Unabomber) has nicked pacing, and only once got them -- upon which the voter, re-thinking the issue, backed off considerably. But yeah, I've set a high bar for myself, as have you, and if I fall short,, I'd like to know - *where* and *how*.

Reiterating, if you hadn't set such a high bar by the quality of your body of work, I'd never have said anything. Have a cold one for me, Mate. :)
P. S. - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
If you'd rather receive the analysis privately, there's an e-mail reCaptcha at the bottom of all of my songs for the past year or so, so you can drop me an e-mail. Maybe better than taking up page space, especially if the two-sided discussion becomes lengthy. But that's your call -- I'm fine here or there. Cheers.
Musical Gunny - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
This is the best parody I've ever seen. Can I pre-order that DVD here?
Peter Andersson - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
I wrestled down a couple of polar bears on the street up here the other day, can I send them over to aid the fight?

Security Code "UP5", don't know how many ways that can be interpreted...
Tommy Turtle Calling Earth - September 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Attention, all Earthlings! Attention, all Earthlings!

After extensive e-mail discussion with Kristof Robertson, it has been determined that the alleged pacing flaws referred to by yours truly (other than the two that Kris acknowledged), were due to a language barrier: Namely, that he speaks English, whereas this writer, on the other hand (flipper?) speaks English. An insurmountable obstacle, even with the latest translation software!

(seriously, KR's Aussie is sooo much more different from my Standard American than I ever dreamt of, even after having discussed this same issue with Styooaht McAhthuh several times. DK what to do about that, but from the POV of Kris's native tongue, he's right, it's spot on. Guess we all just have to allow for that for each other... )

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