My Favorite Flicks

Brando says he coulda been a contender,
The Joads rent a U-Haul and cling to the fender,
In "Rashomon" memories start to play tricks --
Those are a few of my favorite flicks.

Both of the Hustons play "...Sierra Madre,"
John is the younger and Walter's the padre,
All the banditos are unshaven spics --
That is one more of my favorite flicks.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Couldn't get "Rain" or Fellini's "La Strada,"
Psycho's too scary so why even bodda,
"A Tale Of Two Cities" was one of my picks --
Nobody carries those excellent flicks.

Guinness and Sellers and Gloria Swanson;
Stuck in the gears, Chaplin fears for his johnson;
Lorre's frustrated by Bogart's Sam Spade,
De Havilland's Heiress can't seem to get laid.

Mr. Smith faints from his brave filibuster,
Eve's a real sweetheart but Margo can't trust her,
In Wales the trapped miners are gasping for breath,
A medieval Swede plays a chess game with Death.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Lemmon and Curtis dress up like a floozy,
Stewart climbs higher and starts to get woozy,
Mason is chasin' a twelve-year-old tot,
I'd better stop; this is getting me hot.

Elwood P. Dowd hugs a transparent rabbit,
You can't see Rains when he takes off his habit;
He's showing one of the Hollywood tricks --
Those are but two of my favorite flicks.

"Inherit the Wind" has a trial about monkeys,
Most of these flicks feature nothing but honkeys,
The Monster hates fire and Dracula sucks,
"Some Like It Hot" is where Marilyn sings.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Blanche comes a-calling on Stanley and Stella,
Then Mitch finds out that he's not her first fella,
And in the light she's at least thirty-six --
That is one of the more shadowy flicks.

Laughton's so mean he gets tossed from The Bounty,
Jumps in the Seine and gets all wet and drownedy,
Falls for the schtick of Marlene Dietrich --
Each qualifies as my favorite flick.

Ginger is giving Fred plenty of tsoris,
Whereupon he shoots a dancing male chorus,
Everyone's constantly wearing a tux,
"Some Like It Hot" is where Marilyn sings.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Heathcliff is trying to stifle his urges,
"Sullivan's Travels" was written by Sturges,
A couple of pictures are Stanley Kubrick's --
All make the list of my favorite flicks.

Pygmalion's better without all the singing,
Bergman and Henreid go foggily winging,
Beale is fed up and won't take any more,
Cooper alone has to uphold the law.

Brooklyn's the place where they say that a tree grows,
Daddy gets drunk but at least there's no Negroes,
All of the folks are proverbial micks --
Yet it is one of my favorite flicks.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Clerks, by mistake, send each other love letters;
Godfrey, my man, has some sport with his betters;
Charlie Kane, in the main, publishes news;
Bernstein, of course, fills his quota for Jews.

Strangelove, by reflex, Sieg Heils to the fuhrer;
Clift might get married for rich but not poorer;
Desmond is thirty years over the hill:
"Here comes my closeup, dear Mr. De Mille."

Gene gets all wet as he flirts with pneumonia,
Rufus T. Firefly wrecks old Freedonia,
Godfrey disparages scavenger hunts,
In "Some Like It Hot" Lemmon's one of the girls.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Welles, eating candy bars, persecutes Heston;
(Out of this bunch there is only one Western);
Orson displays a spectacular gut;
Socialite Hepburn gets pushed on her butt.

Harvey is brainwashed by some no-good Commie,
Angela Lansbury ain't a good mommy,
Dickens' sweet orphans bring tears every time,
When Orson was thinner he played Harry Lime.

Darrow's at odds with a much Higher Power,
"Bridge On the River Kwai" stars Hayakawa,
Freddy, in blackface, plays Bojangles Bill;
Price has eight Guinnesses he's gotta kill.

Newton asks Barbara, "What price salvation?"
Jean Valjean, pulling oars, ain't on vacation;
Oscar Levant helps Astaire do a play
Many years after he sings "Night and Day."

Soldiers in World War I flee from their trenches,
Douglas sets out to prove they're really mensches,
That is one of the best anti-war flicks --
Curtis and Lemmon are hiding their legs.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Cotten debuts as the suave Jedediah,
A New Orleans trolley is known as Desire,
Beale gets bumped off by the Symbionese,
William J. Bryan inherits the breeze.

Frankenstein's antics keep Karloff in stitches,
Big, sweaty mama's boy is all that Mitch is;
Oberon acts like she's haunting the heath,
Huston pere hams it up sans his false teeth.

Alec's bridge-building becomes an obsession,
Dietrich saves Power with her false confession,
Bela, at night, necks with women who sleep;
Okies are still driving west in a heap.

Barbara's a doll in The Salvation Army,
Rex, a Greek scholar, is cute but quite balmy;
Morley, Babs' dad, is a capitalist;
Shaw has them argue till everyone's pissed.

Eric von Stroheim is who Desmond's ex is,
Lo don't need Humbert to show her what sex is,
Sullivan wants to feel poverty's pain,
Miller's arriving at high noon by train.

Elisha Cook is Sid Greenstreet's dumb gunsel,
Roddy is healthy, although he was once ill;
Morley and Rex have a battle of wits,
"Some Like It Hot" dwells on Marilyn's eyes.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Here’s a flash: to my stash I add "La Strada,"
Searching the stores for this couldn't be harda,
Fay Wray, while screaming, gets sniffed by King Kong;
He be so hairy you can't see his schlong.

Quinn plays a brute -- with emotions he's frugal;
He plays a strong man, Masina the bugle;
Into the Seine, again, Laughton did jump;
Washed up at Notre Dame, wearing a hump.

Gable and Huston both shared the same dentures,
That's what the studios meant by joint ventures,
Gable shows pecs when he takes off his shirt,
Colbert, when hitch hiking, raises her skirt.

King Kong, in battle, slays a pterodactyl;
He finds Fay's tattered dress flimsily tactile,
Palming his mate, up the State poor Kong crawls;
Lemmon and Curtis are blue in the face.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Lately, I learned to push the Record button;
And I've been taping old flicks like a glutton;
I'll discuss three, then I'll put down my pen:
"John Doe," "Four Feathers" and "Of Mice and Men."

When you're a coward you get a white feather,
Faversham gets a bunch -- four all together;
Goes to Sudan, and with upper-class wit
Redeems himself as a bloodthirsty Brit.

Fights hand-to-hand with the dread Fuzzy Wuzzy,
Regains respect from his girlfriend (that hussy!);
Gives back a feather to each faithless friend;
Imperialism wins out in the end.

Lenny says, "Duh George, can I pet that rabbit?"
George replies, "Sure, but you better not grab it,
'Cause you're so strong, and with your low I.Q.
There won't be bunny enough for a stew."

John Doe's a populist -- not hotsy-totsy;
But he gets used by Ed Arnold (that Nazi!);
On Christmas eve, if the world's still a dump,
From a tall buiding Doe's threatened to jump.

"Doe" is a pure piece of Americana
At which Frank Capra was the top banana;
His tales are straight from the School of Hard Knocks;
Lemmon and Curtis have really got nerve.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

For many weeks I have searched in frustration
For this old masterpiece of animation;
Then at Blockbuster I found it at last:
Now my collecting's a thing of the past.

Here is the plot of this Walt Disney goody:
Old man Geppetto is proud of his woody;
Calls it Pinocchio, thinks it's a toy;
But the damn thing wants to grow up a boy.

Waving a wand comes the helpful Blue Fairy;
She gets him walking but says, "You be wary.
If you screw up, then your case book I'll close;
Plus, if you lie, you'll get such a long nose!"

Without a conscience the young one's in danger,
He is betrayed by each exploitive stranger,
His circumstances get really depraved,
Jiminy Cricket! Will this kid be saved?

He eats live chickens and peddles male virgins;
(I think I purchased the uncensored version);
Then to his rescue Geppetto sets sail,
Gets himself swallowed by Monstro the whale.

Marionette saves his dad -- that's a good thing;
As a reward he's a boy, not a wood thing;
Monstro, Pinoke and Geppetto the pops:
Tell me this isn't a flick about wops.

When the spouse snores
When the cat yowls
When it's hard to snooze
Just push the Play button and watch a cartoon --
An offer you can't refuse!