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Song Parodies -> "My Favorite Flicks"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

Original Performer:

Mary Martin

Parody Song Title:

"My Favorite Flicks"

Parody Written by:

Al Silver

The Lyrics

Some time ago, I decided to collect classic films on videotape. While doing so, I tracked my acquisitions with the following song parody. It may be a challenge to those younger than I (that means everybody) to identify the films I mention.
My Favorite Flicks

Brando says he coulda been a contender,
The Joads rent a U-Haul and cling to the fender,
In "Rashomon" memories start to play tricks --
Those are a few of my favorite flicks.

Both of the Hustons play "...Sierra Madre,"
John is the younger and Walter's the padre,
All the banditos are unshaven spics --
That is one more of my favorite flicks.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Couldn't get "Rain" or Fellini's "La Strada,"
Psycho's too scary so why even bodda,
"A Tale Of Two Cities" was one of my picks --
Nobody carries those excellent flicks.

Guinness and Sellers and Gloria Swanson;
Stuck in the gears, Chaplin fears for his johnson;
Lorre's frustrated by Bogart's Sam Spade,
De Havilland's Heiress can't seem to get laid.

Mr. Smith faints from his brave filibuster,
Eve's a real sweetheart but Margo can't trust her,
In Wales the trapped miners are gasping for breath,
A medieval Swede plays a chess game with Death.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Lemmon and Curtis dress up like a floozy,
Stewart climbs higher and starts to get woozy,
Mason is chasin' a twelve-year-old tot,
I'd better stop; this is getting me hot.

Elwood P. Dowd hugs a transparent rabbit,
You can't see Rains when he takes off his habit;
He's showing one of the Hollywood tricks --
Those are but two of my favorite flicks.

"Inherit the Wind" has a trial about monkeys,
Most of these flicks feature nothing but honkeys,
The Monster hates fire and Dracula sucks,
"Some Like It Hot" is where Marilyn sings.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Blanche comes a-calling on Stanley and Stella,
Then Mitch finds out that he's not her first fella,
And in the light she's at least thirty-six --
That is one of the more shadowy flicks.

Laughton's so mean he gets tossed from The Bounty,
Jumps in the Seine and gets all wet and drownedy,
Falls for the schtick of Marlene Dietrich --
Each qualifies as my favorite flick.

Ginger is giving Fred plenty of tsoris,
Whereupon he shoots a dancing male chorus,
Everyone's constantly wearing a tux,
"Some Like It Hot" is where Marilyn sings.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Heathcliff is trying to stifle his urges,
"Sullivan's Travels" was written by Sturges,
A couple of pictures are Stanley Kubrick's --
All make the list of my favorite flicks.

Pygmalion's better without all the singing,
Bergman and Henreid go foggily winging,
Beale is fed up and won't take any more,
Cooper alone has to uphold the law.

Brooklyn's the place where they say that a tree grows,
Daddy gets drunk but at least there's no Negroes,
All of the folks are proverbial micks --
Yet it is one of my favorite flicks.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Clerks, by mistake, send each other love letters;
Godfrey, my man, has some sport with his betters;
Charlie Kane, in the main, publishes news;
Bernstein, of course, fills his quota for Jews.

Strangelove, by reflex, Sieg Heils to the fuhrer;
Clift might get married for rich but not poorer;
Desmond is thirty years over the hill:
"Here comes my closeup, dear Mr. De Mille."

Gene gets all wet as he flirts with pneumonia,
Rufus T. Firefly wrecks old Freedonia,
Godfrey disparages scavenger hunts,
In "Some Like It Hot" Lemmon's one of the girls.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Welles, eating candy bars, persecutes Heston;
(Out of this bunch there is only one Western);
Orson displays a spectacular gut;
Socialite Hepburn gets pushed on her butt.

Harvey is brainwashed by some no-good Commie,
Angela Lansbury ain't a good mommy,
Dickens' sweet orphans bring tears every time,
When Orson was thinner he played Harry Lime.

Darrow's at odds with a much Higher Power,
"Bridge On the River Kwai" stars Hayakawa,
Freddy, in blackface, plays Bojangles Bill;
Price has eight Guinnesses he's gotta kill.

Newton asks Barbara, "What price salvation?"
Jean Valjean, pulling oars, ain't on vacation;
Oscar Levant helps Astaire do a play
Many years after he sings "Night and Day."

Soldiers in World War I flee from their trenches,
Douglas sets out to prove they're really mensches,
That is one of the best anti-war flicks --
Curtis and Lemmon are hiding their legs.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Cotten debuts as the suave Jedediah,
A New Orleans trolley is known as Desire,
Beale gets bumped off by the Symbionese,
William J. Bryan inherits the breeze.

Frankenstein's antics keep Karloff in stitches,
Big, sweaty mama's boy is all that Mitch is;
Oberon acts like she's haunting the heath,
Huston pere hams it up sans his false teeth.

Alec's bridge-building becomes an obsession,
Dietrich saves Power with her false confession,
Bela, at night, necks with women who sleep;
Okies are still driving west in a heap.

Barbara's a doll in The Salvation Army,
Rex, a Greek scholar, is cute but quite balmy;
Morley, Babs' dad, is a capitalist;
Shaw has them argue till everyone's pissed.

Eric von Stroheim is who Desmond's ex is,
Lo don't need Humbert to show her what sex is,
Sullivan wants to feel poverty's pain,
Miller's arriving at high noon by train.

Elisha Cook is Sid Greenstreet's dumb gunsel,
Roddy is healthy, although he was once ill;
Morley and Rex have a battle of wits,
"Some Like It Hot" dwells on Marilyn's eyes.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Here’s a flash: to my stash I add "La Strada,"
Searching the stores for this couldn't be harda,
Fay Wray, while screaming, gets sniffed by King Kong;
He be so hairy you can't see his schlong.

Quinn plays a brute -- with emotions he's frugal;
He plays a strong man, Masina the bugle;
Into the Seine, again, Laughton did jump;
Washed up at Notre Dame, wearing a hump.

Gable and Huston both shared the same dentures,
That's what the studios meant by joint ventures,
Gable shows pecs when he takes off his shirt,
Colbert, when hitch hiking, raises her skirt.

King Kong, in battle, slays a pterodactyl;
He finds Fay's tattered dress flimsily tactile,
Palming his mate, up the State poor Kong crawls;
Lemmon and Curtis are blue in the face.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

Lately, I learned to push the Record button;
And I've been taping old flicks like a glutton;
I'll discuss three, then I'll put down my pen:
"John Doe," "Four Feathers" and "Of Mice and Men."

When you're a coward you get a white feather,
Faversham gets a bunch -- four all together;
Goes to Sudan, and with upper-class wit
Redeems himself as a bloodthirsty Brit.

Fights hand-to-hand with the dread Fuzzy Wuzzy,
Regains respect from his girlfriend (that hussy!);
Gives back a feather to each faithless friend;
Imperialism wins out in the end.

Lenny says, "Duh George, can I pet that rabbit?"
George replies, "Sure, but you better not grab it,
'Cause you're so strong, and with your low I.Q.
There won't be bunny enough for a stew."

John Doe's a populist -- not hotsy-totsy;
But he gets used by Ed Arnold (that Nazi!);
On Christmas eve, if the world's still a dump,
From a tall buiding Doe's threatened to jump.

"Doe" is a pure piece of Americana
At which Frank Capra was the top banana;
His tales are straight from the School of Hard Knocks;
Lemmon and Curtis have really got nerve.

When the spouse snores
When you can't sleep
When it's late at night
Just push the Play button and watch an old flick
In glorious Black and White!

For many weeks I have searched in frustration
For this old masterpiece of animation;
Then at Blockbuster I found it at last:
Now my collecting's a thing of the past.

Here is the plot of this Walt Disney goody:
Old man Geppetto is proud of his woody;
Calls it Pinocchio, thinks it's a toy;
But the damn thing wants to grow up a boy.

Waving a wand comes the helpful Blue Fairy;
She gets him walking but says, "You be wary.
If you screw up, then your case book I'll close;
Plus, if you lie, you'll get such a long nose!"

Without a conscience the young one's in danger,
He is betrayed by each exploitive stranger,
His circumstances get really depraved,
Jiminy Cricket! Will this kid be saved?

He eats live chickens and peddles male virgins;
(I think I purchased the uncensored version);
Then to his rescue Geppetto sets sail,
Gets himself swallowed by Monstro the whale.

Marionette saves his dad -- that's a good thing;
As a reward he's a boy, not a wood thing;
Monstro, Pinoke and Geppetto the pops:
Tell me this isn't a flick about wops.

When the spouse snores
When the cat yowls
When it's hard to snooze
Just push the Play button and watch a cartoon --
An offer you can't refuse!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

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AFW - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
This is Amazing! With a capital A....Longer than "Ben Hur" which, I don't think you included, but way too many clever, funny lines to mention...How long did it take you to write this?
Old Man Ribber - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Al - What AFW said! hehe ;D
Al - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
A typical parody takes me about 3 hours. The biggest time expenditure involves getting rhythm and rhyme spot on. The rest are inspiration and knack. "Favorite Things" was written in short bursts over a period of weeks. Thanks for your praise. A few more parodies to come.
AFW - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Just wondering, Al...with your polish and skill, you must've been doing parodies quite awhile....surprised we haven't seen you submit before...were you on other sites?
Lifeliver - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
One of the finest parodies of any kind that I've seen or heard anywhere, anytime - and there are literally hundreds of brilliant ones right here on this site. Despite the length, I immediately had to go back and read the whole thing again just for the sheer pleasure of it. It's that good. As you've posted nine today (I've already visited all of them), I'll comment here at length and keep it brief for the rest.

Your technical mastery of rhyme, rhythm, meter and syllable count etc. is unusually outstanding for a new contributor and you're obviously a very experienced writer. Your material is so sure-footed I would even guess you have written professionally about the history of cinema. Like Wendy, I was motivated to search the author's list to figure out how I could have missed you before. So welcome to the site and thank you for raising the bar for all of us.

What really sets this piece apart is the sheer scope of your cinematic knowledge. Not just the pre-TV 'golden age' of the Hollywood silver screen, but garnishes of Fellini, Kurosawa, Bergman, David Lean, British Rank and Bernard Shaw. As if all these tantalizing one-line glimpses aren't enough, you take us for a humorous romp of several verses through Disney's 'Pinocchio', all the while keeping a non-rhyming repeating motif using Billy Wilder's comic masterpiece 'Some Like It Hot'. Talk about masterpieces! I could imagine this work as the opening number at the Academy Awards ceremony-circus, except it's too sophisticated for most of that A-list glitterati!

Your rhymes never seem forced and are at times inspired: La Strada/Bodda, tsoris/chorus, Power/Hayakawa, pterodactyl/tactile are just some among many deft combinations here, demonstrating a vast range of vocab and knowledge on which to draw.

One point to keep in mind. A blizzard of nine parodies in one day means these fine works of art are not going to get the full attention and feedback they deserve. Why not try and stagger them in the future? Personally I make it a rule not to post more than one in a single day, even if I have a backlog of several. There are others who manage more than one a day, and on a daily basis, but we all have varying time constraints. That goes for commenters too so keep that in mind if you want quality feedback. I can't write comprehensive comments like this on every parody. Anyway, 555+++ and I'm looking forward to more, but why not release them more judiciously for more impact? Also, I can't imagine what that one-bomber is thinking. We all get them so just ignore it.
Callmelennie - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
You have more lines in your first submission than I had in first year of submissions
John Jenkins - January 18, 2013 - Report this comment
Not sure how you omitted "The Sting" and "Fiddler on the Roof," but this is a very good and thoughtfule parody. Particularly the "Bounty/drownedy" couplet.
Dave W. - January 21, 2013 - Report this comment
I took an intermission for more popcorn and coke and jujubes but I loved it....
Al Silver - January 26, 2013 - Report this comment
AFW: Sorry for the delay in answering. This is the first site I've contributed parodies to. Until lately, I'd write one of these word-substitution exercises occasionally, when I'd get an amusing idea. It's a good time-killer. In the past two weeks, the presence of amiright has goaded me to write more parodies than I have in the past 5 years. I'm a long-retired electronics engineer and I hang out a lot with my brain.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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