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Song Parodies -> "Hell's Vassals"

Original Song Title:

"El Paso"

Original Performer:

Marty Robbins

Parody Song Title:

"Hell's Vassals"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Based on:

A cautionary tale ...
Down in the depths next to mounds of Hell's ashes
I felt the shove of a vexing numb churl
My kind confined deep in Satan's arena
Rooms were ablaze in this evil-filled world

Graphic and frightful, the sight of the demons
Twisted and fecal, the vastness of Hell
I was condemned for the rest of all ages
I fussed and cussed, for in pain I did dwell

One night a vile-tongued trollop dropped in
Vile were her sex peddlin' sins
Gnashing and swearing, a ring she was wearing
But unlike Athena, the girl was quite dumb

So enamored, I
Gallantly griped to this love-slut of Satan
How could she stand that old bum all deplored
My balance was hampered by jests from this tart-freak
My manhood endangered by threats that she roared

Struck by an omen of hoods bearin' tridents
Blocked by a browbeating screed, I was stunned
Many swats placed on my hind as I stood bare
I had but no chance in Hell, I was done

Down through a black floor I sloped, then I scrammed
Down where the orphans were fried
I saw a blue nun, she looked like a hoodlum
Up on a rack was a waif I had spied

So aghast as I
Looked at the stressed restless frowns of Hell's vassals
Stout dudes and bad lads and rude hectic oafs

Packed in Hell's vastness, my strife would be mirthless
Heavy-winged swans took flight, huffing in jest
Wicked bowed tongs pinched my cheeks now unshaven
Timeless is longer than I could express

My addled butt added pain, I just moaned
Hiding from gnomes and from snarks
Maybe this sorrow would dull dismay's pining
The mind-numbing curse that this fate did impart

And alas here I
Am getting ill, overcooking smells drastic
I can see Satan's arena aglow
I trudge along past some pushy mean converts
Crouchin' with guilt like some people I know

Off to my right I hear crime-toutin' crowd noise
Off to my left cries a coven they've scorched
Pouting and brooding, I can't let them check me
I have to hasten past Satan's black torch

Bunched up ahead bully throngs fork my zeal
A freak hurricane spins my pride
Though I am flying to stray from the rabble
Nine devils spear me, disabled I slide

Thus I'm nudged forth
By demons with prongs, as my nightmare plight's maulin'
Though I am fearing, I cannot protest
I breathe a vile gust of smoke that's just frightful
I feel the pullin' of fiends I detest

Glum louts with no hair, the demons have bound me
Hissing, they shriek, as they peel off my hide
Ragin' snide brutes shove some darts in my fried sores
One dismal wish: that my being would die

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - March 29, 2019 - Report this comment
Gotta read this later, when I have time--to savor it like a fine wine.
CML - March 29, 2019 - Report this comment
Took me a while to react to your presence, but now that I've seen everything you've done this month (is there more?) I must say, you have some serious talent. If there were a competition for best parodist in the month of march, you'd win it. I know this particular parody is good, because I've done "El Paso" myself … not necessarily as difficult as it looks, but a hell of a lot of work
CML - March 29, 2019 - Report this comment
To old-timers browsing the "Latest Comments" .. check this guy out, he's good
Agrimorfee - March 30, 2019 - Report this comment
Aw hell! Dante couldn't have made it any more graphic and despairing. Savored.

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