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Song Parodies -> "Revenge of Montezuma"
Original Song Title:
"Halls of Montezuma"
Original Performer:
Marine Corps Band
Parody Song Title:
"Revenge of Montezuma"
Parody Written by:
Patrick McWilliams
The Lyrics
I've been seeing a lot of scatological material on AIR recently. Not my thing, really, but if you can't beat 'em, join 'em--in the loo
The revenge of Montezuma now afflicts me triple-ly
Fever, aches and diarrhea, general state of misery
Started coughing in the morning, now my skin is turning green
My vacation trip is ruined by all these trips to the latrine
From the buffet in the dining room to the shelves of pharmacies
Try in vain to find a remedy that will set my bowels at ease
Parties, concerts, and museums, ocean scenery goes unseen
While the others ride the tour bus, I am trapped in the latrine
The brochures of travel agencies are all filled with sage advice
Finding bargains in the market place, airline tickets better price
But "Don't ever drink the water" is the best advice I've seen
Ignore it and you'll spend all week on a tour of the latrine
When vacation rolls around next year, know where I am gonna be?
It's not standing in the X-ray line of the TS Agency
No lost luggage, passport hassles, foreign cops who treat you mean
I'll just drink a jar of laxative and stay home in my latrine
Fever, aches and diarrhea, general state of misery
Started coughing in the morning, now my skin is turning green
My vacation trip is ruined by all these trips to the latrine
From the buffet in the dining room to the shelves of pharmacies
Try in vain to find a remedy that will set my bowels at ease
Parties, concerts, and museums, ocean scenery goes unseen
While the others ride the tour bus, I am trapped in the latrine
The brochures of travel agencies are all filled with sage advice
Finding bargains in the market place, airline tickets better price
But "Don't ever drink the water" is the best advice I've seen
Ignore it and you'll spend all week on a tour of the latrine
When vacation rolls around next year, know where I am gonna be?
It's not standing in the X-ray line of the TS Agency
No lost luggage, passport hassles, foreign cops who treat you mean
I'll just drink a jar of laxative and stay home in my latrine
Montezuma's Revenge. Malady afflicting travelers, mostly caused by unfamiliar foods and contaminated water. Named for a former Aztec ruler of Mexico.
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User Comments
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I wish all the scat around here were this well structured. Keep 'em coming.
Brought back memories of a trip to PA. from CA. when I was 8 (1972). My brother was 5 and my sister 4. Dad packed a collapsing porta-potty for the almost 3000 mile trip through many states. Mom packed plastic vomit bags. On the way back the PP broke, so we left it near a trash can outside a rest area. Took about 10 seconds for the Mexicans to run over and grab it. 555!
Wonder what they wanted it for. Years ago the auction house I worked for got an early wooden "water closet" on consignment. It was of a type first used in Australia in the 1850's. Don't remember if it ever sold.
Probably because it was USAF obtained, grey, with fold down wheels for transport. IIRC, on transport aircraft were called "Pretzels" when folded and hung up. Like the Astronauts, SR drivers and long-range Bomber crews went in their suits. USAF started using folders in the late '60s for airborne drops! I admire the Russians for the Su-32 and 34 strike aircraft which have a toilet, rack and galley for the 2 man crew. Sukhoi mixed elements of their luxury jet into the Su-27 family airframe! I'm not sure if they worked a toilet into the B-2 or not.
Btw, British had chemical toilets called "Elsans" for large bombers, but most crew preferred to urinate in bottles and defecate in cardboard containers that they could throw out of the aircraft. German pilots often had a funnel system to urinate in that ported outside or used chemical bags with absorption sponges in them.
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