They sing each week and strive to win
The "American Idol" prize
They keep hopes up, take the blows
With starshine in their eyes..

Dear Paula and Randy
Give their judgements gentle,
But, Simon Isn't Their Best Friend
His critique's not brandy
More root canal, dental
At each him or her
His aim is sure
For the jugular..

Kids hang tough
And take the guff
'Cause they'd love to be there at the end
But week in and week out
He rips them like fine kraut
Simon Isn't Their Best Friend..

Osama, Adolph H.
With whom, some would compare him,
...There's no doubt about it..

The band plays, the crowds cheers
They all sing their heart out
But, Simon Isn't Their Best Friend
There's heartaches and big tears
For the insults he'll dart out
..Maybe, once or twice
He'll act real nice
..and give advice

But, pontoons
Sink real soon
He'll just bust their balloon in the end
And be that old ratfink
Who'll tell them that they stink..
Simon Isn't Their Best Friend

Simon Isn't Their Best Friend