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Song Parodies -> "Apostrophes contd. - A Few of the Difficult Bits"

Original Song Title:

"A Few of my Favourite Things"

Original Performer:

Maria (Sound of Music)

Parody Song Title:

"Apostrophes contd. - A Few of the Difficult Bits"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

To be taken in conjunction with the "'Postrophe" parody to "Yesterday", which explains the basic rules for apostrophes - this one is a bit more in-depth.
Kids who don't listen or badly-taught writers
Frequently suffer from apostriphitis
If you're unsure where 'n apostrophe fits
These are a few of the difficult bits

Simple possessives like "Roger's" will have one
Meaning belonging to something or someone
Plural words (such as "words") as you can see
Do not per se have an apostrophe

"His", "hers" and "theirs" let's see: how THAT lot fit is
"Its" is the same (unless it's short for "it is")
Possessive pronouns are what we call these
And never, oh NEVER have apostrophes

When the pen writes,
When the e mails,
When it don't seem right
Just sing your way through all the difficult bits
And then you'll know what to write

Endings on verbs (such as "goes" or "dismisses")
Of course they don't have them - nor Mr. or Mrs.
"At your wits' end" - means "the end of your wits"
I guess that is one of the difficult bits:

Plural possessives do cause much confusion
Like "children's", i.e. it belongs to the children
If plural words stop with an "s" at the end
Just use an apostrophe - no "s": comprehend?

One last example that often distresses
"Belonging to " words that all finish in "s"s
There ain't no reason why this should cause stress:
You write the apostrophe AFTER the "s"

When the pen writes,
When the e mails,
When it don't seem right
Just sing your way through all the difficult bits
And then you'll know what to write

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 1
 
 4   1
 1
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 8
 

User Comments

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royce miller - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
thanks for the information, Phil
John Jenkins - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
I liked the word yoiu coined - apostrophitis - and I hope that those who are afflicted with it read this parody.
Rick D - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
This should be required singing in our schools. And I'm posting it above my computer for reference. 555. (And I'm also gonna take a stab at this song, ev'ryone else is doin' it)
Claude Prez - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
Well done again: I'd ask you for help with my colon problem but I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
Smurf and Mr. Horse - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks for a wonderful lesson and a very master(phil) work. Oh and another thing.....5's of course:-)
Static - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
I second Rick D. I don't have apostrophitis, I got my vaccinations as a small child. 5 cubed and the Underground Golden Deck co-award.
Rick D - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
I used to be a complete A-hole. Now I'm only a semi-colon.
neminem - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
that is absolutely awe-inspiring :-)... Reminds me a lot of one of my favorite improv scenes ever, in which a kid loved semicolons so much that he started writing a paragraph using nothing but them... it was great.
Meriadoc - November 07, 2003 - Report this comment
Ah Phil; I am getting grammatically inspired.... ;-)
Rick D - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm learning this song for possible performance soon. (If you don't mind) I'm also posting my take on it tomorrow. If you'd like to hear us, go to... > It's still there at > > http://dave9.com/audio/duncan/ > > and it's linked from the open mike page at > > http://www.SouthBayFolks.org/openmike.html >
Phil Alexander - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
"Thursday Night" sounds great, Rick - I look forward to hearing your rendition of this one.

Incidentally, I originally coined the word "apostriphitis" for a function to send apostrophes to a SQL server (where a single quote is a string delimeter, so every ' had to be replaced by two of them).

I'm glad people haven't thought that reading this one was too much like going back to school...
Jeff Reuben - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Finally getting around to this...excellent job (although I'm most curious about the SQL server function you wrote =)
Phil Alexander - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
It wasn't a SQL Server function as such, it was a Superbase function to send data to a SQL Server:

FUNCTION Apostrophitis$(txt$)
pos%% = INSTR (txt$,"'")
WHILE pos%% > 0
txt$ = LEFT$ (txt$,pos%%) + MID$ (txt$,pos%%)
pos%% = INSTR (pos%% + 2,txt$,"'")
WEND
Apostrophitis$ = txt$
END FUNCTION

...not exactly rocket science...
nnnag - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent work, Phil! One thing I must say, it absolutely bugs me when I see misuse of the apostrophe or any other punctuation. My vote is 5-5-5.
Phil - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
...thanks nnnag ;-)
nally - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Ditto on nnnag's comment. Seems like everywhere I turn I see errors in grammar, punctuation, etc. I enjoyed this parody too.
... - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
As did I. This pretty much say's -- er, says -- it all.
Phil Alexander - November 14, 2003 - Report this comment
Ah, a quote from an ellipsis about punctuation: seems somewhat recursive to me ;-)
dutch_gurl - January 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Absolutely great!! I really liked this. Great lesson too.
Rick D - January 24, 2004 - Report this comment
And it got a live performance.
Birgitta - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
L''''''' O'' L''''''' Phil! What a cute parody.Great job!
Serafina - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, I don't like it when I see misuses of the apostrophe either. I totally agree with all the people who commented above; this parody was well-written and deserves a perfect score!
Joe - February 14, 2004 - Report this comment
One other thing: supermarket names like "Vons" and "Albertsons" don't have apostrophes either -- yet I see them written like that sometimes; the same with "Starbucks"!
... - February 17, 2004 - Report this comment
To Joe: don't forget "Ralphs"
2nz - May 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Point taken Philbo. :c) And nice parody.
Einav - May 31, 2004 - Report this comment
I loved both Apostrophes songs - I think they were brilliant. And I also think you should submit them to Lynne Truss, the author of Eats, Shoots & Leaves, so she can include them in the next edition of the book. Check out http://www.eatsshootsandleaves.com
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Flawless. Flawless! I had a debate in Year 3 with my teacher which I would like clarity on; 'the wombats nose' should have an apostrophe after the 't', right? I was the only one who challenged this and wish to have closure that it wasn't in vain. IDEA: A parody on the topic of 'their/they're/there' Did I mention flawless 5s?
Phil Alexander - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
JAR(LB): the simple rule for possessives is that if you would say "the nose of the wombat", then it becomes "the wombat's nose" (so if it were plural, "the noses of the wombats" would be "the wombats' noses").
Re "They're there" I was thinking about this, and I've had a few ideas, but so far no obvious tune...

Einav - thank you... I had a look at http://www.eatsshootsandleaves.com, and there's no obvious submission links other than to the editor.. I think I might just do that, though :-)
Dude - July 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Ha Ha very nice. All teachers should be required to memorize it. Yay for music in the schools!
Paul Robinson - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil - hmmm....From the title and without actually looking back at it I would guess I put an apostrophe in "editors" that did not belong there in my comment...Good catch, Phil, especially in light of the topic at the heart of my remark. This IS one area where my English/grammar usage occasionally falls into the sh*t. I catch it about half the time (maybe). I wrote something the other day where I used "fourth" where I should have said "forth". It was in a chorus part so it appeared three times in the piece. Didn't see it until it was already posted in print (cringe). Good stuff....5's....

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